Catch Me When I Fall by Nicci French

pushing the red, oily chunks of meat round the plate, making little heaps of rice. I assumed I was losing weight. I had stood on the scales that morning, but the figures were in kilos. I'd made an attempt to convert it to something I understood by multiplying it by two and a bit, then trying to divide it by fourteen in my head but the
    figure I got was something meaningless like three stone or twenty-seven stone, so I must have made a mistake somewhere. Or maybe I was disappearing, becoming invisible at last, or even filling the entire world so that soon there would be no room for tone else.
     At one point Charlie leaned across the messy plates and took my hand. I flinched, and saw for the first time, with a mild, dispassionate interest, that there was a dark bruise across my knuckles. I was puzzled, then remembered the man I'd hit. Only when I noticed the bruise did it start hurting.
'You should see the other guy,' I said, and they all laughed I laughed too, louder than the rest of them.
    We got back at half past ten. Sam and Luke came in for coffee, and then the doorbell rang. Naomi stood on the doorstep, clutching something. 'A parcel came for you a cbuple of hours ago,' she said. 'Courier service. I had to sign for it, and then it was too wide to fit through your box. I thought it might be
    "Thanks.' I took it from her.
"Are you OK? You don't look yourself, Holly."
     "I'm just a bit washed up. Done in, I mean. Why don't you
come in for a bit?"
"Are you sure?'
     "The more the merrier,' I said, and she followed me into the living room and took her place between Sam and Charlie, looking as plump and pretty as a cat.
'Open your parcel, then,' said Luke.
     I tried to pull open the padded envelope, which turned out to be full of the horrible grey fluff that gets everywhere, and in the process I jabbed myself on a staple, cutting my finger. I hate these bloody things. They ought to be banned, along with clingfilm.'

    'Here. Let me,' said Charlie. He took the envelope and pulled it
open, then thrust his hand inside. "What's wrong with clingfilm?' 'It's -' I began, then stopped dead. "What's this?' said Charlie.
     I looked at the flimsy black object dangling from his fingers. Suddenly I felt feverish. I could feel the dots of sweat on my forehead.
     'Some dumb publicity stunt,' I said, in a high, merry voice, and grabbed at them. 'Who thought this was a smart idea? Imagine lots of middle-aged men in suits sitting round a shiny table and one of them saying, "We should send sexy underwear out to all our clients."'
     Naomi turned the envelope upside down. 'Publicity for what, Holly?'
     'That's the stunt,' I said desperately. I put the knickers against my hot cheek and realized they hadn't been washed. They smelt of me. My face burned with shame. 'It's meant to get you wondering.'
'Well, it certainly does that," said Luke, and snickered.
     'Then later,' I prattled on, "something else will arrive and you'll understand what it's all about. They do it all the time. The latest thing. Drives me mad. Anyway, I wish they wouldn't send me stuff at home like this. Look, they're quite the wrong size. I'd never wear these, would I? I'll just chuck them in the bin, shall I?"
     Charlie didn't say anything. He looked at the knickers clutched in my sweating hand, and he looked at me.
    10
    I ordered a spicy tomato juice at the bar. Twenty past five and it was already getting dark outside. Soon it wouldn't be autumn any more but proper winter, pinched grey days and long black nights. In certain moods I love the dark. It's like velvet around me, not scary but protective.
'I thought I'd find you here!"
     I turned and saw a face I recognized, but out of context I couldn't place it. White smooth face, dark hair pulled back. Attractive face, though now it was filled with hostility and the red mouth was open and words were streaming out.
     "Holly Krauss. Swilling your drink as if you didn't have a care in the world.'
'Deborah,' I said,