Cartwheels in a Sari by Jayanti Tamm Page A

direction, at the same time pulling out the newspaper sopped with white, green, and black puddles of creamy waste.
    After wiping down the concrete floor and relining it, without ever losing sight of the black beasts, I safely removed my arms and locked the cage again, with great relief.
    When I first received word from Guru that I was allowed to join my older sisters and be their assistant in the zoo, I was thrilled. I loved going to Guru's house, and anytime Guru included me with the grown-ups, I was especially proud. Ismugly enjoyed being the only kid invited into such exclusive society. I imagined that helping with the animals would involve sitting in a comfortable place petting a furry cute friend.
    “There is a dead finch in the finch cage,” Gitali had said on one of my first days in the bird zone, coming up from behind, scaring me. She had to repeat herself three times, until I could hear her over the deafening squawks.
    “So?” I shouted.
    “There are little Baggies up near the washing machines. You can use one of those.” She smiled and continued on.
    I soon realized that my special blessing of being with the grown-ups in Guru's zoo was not what I had imagined. Far from being a perk, this felt like purgatory.
    I moved on to Raj's cage. Raj was the scariest of all. A massive parrot that looked like it belonged perched on a tattered pirate's shoulder, it seemed to wait for me, daring me to even unlatch the lock, before lunging at me with his broad beak that ended in two points like the ends of a protractor.
    “Hey there, Raj. You like me, right? Sure you do. Nice Raj.” As soon as I unfastened the lock, he puffed out his feathers as a warning.
    It was now late afternoon in the bird dungeon. I imagined way aboveground, the bright sun shone on people on earth. I looked at my sari, soaked and stained with various bird body liquids. I peeled some damp feathers off my arms. By now I could not even hear the desperate calls of the birds, and the stench, too, seemed normal. On my knees, I sighed, imploring Raj just to give me a break. He was my last cage.
    As soon as I reached in, he flapped his wings, lifting them back, prepared to strike. I tried to rip the paper up, but it wasstuck to the floor. With a yelp, Raj swooped down, latching onto my pinky finger.
    “Motherfucker!” I screamed.
    My free hand grabbed my dust broom, and I whacked Raj.
    “You fucker! Let go of my fuckin’ finger!”
    I smacked Raj over and over until he loosened his clamp and hobbled away to a corner of the cage. I stared down at my bluish finger and wondered if it could still bend.
    “Are we finished yet?” Gitali asked, appearing out of nowhere carrying a bucket of bird seed and wearing a smile.
    I looked up, holding my finger. Suddenly I hated her.
    “You know, in a few years, when you finish having to go to yucky school, you will be the luckiest person in the world because you will be blessed by Guru to have the opportunity to become his full-time bird keeper. How wonderful.” Gitali smiled, looking wistful. “For your whole life, every day, all day, you will get to be in Guru's blessed world and work only for Guru alone. You will never ever have to enter the outside world.”
    She sighed and patted my shoulder.
    “You really are the luckiest person,” Gitali said and walked past me toward the cockatoos.
    I sat on the concrete floor, nursing my finger, as a tidal flood of fear and doom filled me. This was what my future was? A lifetime of this—feathers and shit. I knew I shouldn't be feeling this way; being at Guru's house and cleaning the cages was an incredible honor. But I didn't want it. To me, the idea was horrifying. Even if Guru had me on the fast track to God-Realization and was preparing me to succeed Prema and Isha, it still felt like torture. I didn't care if working in this basement was my sacred destiny. Every squawk and scoopfelt filthy and stifling. I panicked, and my heart thumped until it hurt. I thought of