Carter by R.J. Lewis

look through it, and Rome can help Carter with the ads for band members in the meantime. There’s no rush for it, so don’t feel pressured. We might also see what kind of casual jobs you can do around the bar, Carter. Rome will be going to College in the fall, so I might need another set of hands.”
    Carter glanced at my hopeful face before he nodded slowly. “Alright. That works for me.”
    I took him by the hand and squeezed it. I couldn’t believe he didn’t fuck this up! This was an occasion that needed to be treasured. Not that he was a fuck-up in general or anything, but his mouth landed him in trouble more often than not. He squeezed my hand back giving me a ghost of a smile.
    “Thank you,” I mouthed to him.
    For that brief moment, I thought I saw something shine out of his eyes as he stared back at me. It was something warm and beautiful. Something I didn’t want to say even to myself in fear of my hopes dashing.
    And then just like that it was gone.
     
    *
     
    Things happened quickly after that.
    I’d sorted through the lease papers with Carter in our new place. Marlena had given us spare furniture for our suite: an old couch she didn’t use, a couple mattresses, a dresser and kitchen utensils. It was enough to tide us over until we earned more money for new things.
    After we signed the agreement, I went to the bar to look into the waitressing job they’d literally opened up for me. The gesture was beyond kind. I’d actually be earning money, and I was bursting with excitement at that. Marlena sorted out my schedule, introduced me to a couple other waitresses, and then gave me a few uniforms. My head was spinning by the time I’d gotten back. In less than a day my life had completely changed, and I owed it to Carter for whisking me out of the shithole we grew up in.
    The weeks that followed consisted of me training for a job with some seriously long hours, watching Carter form a band while clashing with Rome, and catching up on a lot of homework from school after I’d returned from the break with nothing to show for it. I never allowed myself to think of Russell and Cheryl. I’d grown happier every day I moved on from that life, but I knew I wasn’t as far away from them as I’d like to have been.
    Carter and I slept on the mattresses on the floor until we could afford a bed. Nobody knew that he usually slipped into mine every night. Night time was usually my favourite time of the day; that was when Carter made out with me right before we fell asleep. It sort of became routine, being in each other’s arms, kissing until our lips had grown tired and our pulses had slowed down from some seriously intense make out sessions. He did things to me that made my eyes roll to the back of my head, using that tongue in ways that were downright wicked. Still, he didn’t have sex with me, and I was left frustrated most nights with a new ache between my legs that needed to be filled, literally .
    There was no way I could wait any longer.
    And right when I began to fall asleep, Carter would give me a goodnight kiss and slip out of bed and into his own room. I never got used to it. In fact, I hated it more than anything. This was him drawing the line. Telling me that although there was “more” between us, we weren’t in a relationship.
    Friends.
    We were just friends, as usual.

Ten
     
    “I went to the clothing store today.”
    Carter was seated on my bedroom floor with his back against the wall. His legs were spread out, his head bowed down at the notebook he was scribbling into. At the moment, though, he was deliberating, most likely lyrics to a song he was already forming in his head, dangling an HB pencil sideways in his mouth.
    His hair had fallen over most of his forehead, curling a little at the ends. He was shirtless, wearing only flannel pants. I stared at him for a while, taking in his sharp jaw and beautifully set cheekbones that were filled with stubble.
    “Carter,” I pressed, seated on the