Calvin by Martine Leavitt

sneaky about it.
    Hobbes was laughing somewhere just behind me and to my right, and Susie, the only truly cute girl I’ve ever met, is telling me to my face she’s mine or I’m hers and I’m deciding at that moment that this schizophrenia thing has its upside and I should just go with it.
    Me: I kept all the nice valentines I made for you but was too chicken to give you.
    Susie: You made nice ones?
    Me: Yeah.
    Susie: Will you give them to me when we get back?
    Hobbes: If you get back.
    Me: Yes. I’ll give them all to you. Including the one I’ve already made for Valentine’s Day coming up.
    Susie:
    Me: So—does this mean we get to kiss and stuff?
    Hobbes: Only if I can eat your face.
    Me: I was talking to Susie, you mangy—
    Susie: Well, I don’t know … schizophrenia … it’s a bit of a turnoff … Yes.
    The wind that had been thrashing the sides of the tent suddenly quieted.
    Me: I thought you just said yes.
    Susie: Have you ever kissed anybody?
    Me: Sure. Dozens.
    Susie:
    Me: No.
    Susie: No. And you know why?
    Hobbes: Because girls don’t want to kiss him.
    Me: Because girls don’t want to kiss me.
    She raised up on her elbow. I could smell her breath, which was like the best smell in the world, like she’d just eaten a breath mint, except I knew she hadn’t.
    Susie: How do you know girls don’t want to kiss you? Have you ever tried?
    Me: No. You have to talk to them first. I think that’s the rule.
    Susie: Right. And you don’t talk to girls. And why is that?
    Hobbes: He’s socially awkward.
    Me: I’m socially awkward.
    Susie: They don’t know that. I know it, but I don’t tell them. I let them be intimidated by your silence.
    Me: Why?
    Susie: Because I wanted to be your first kiss.
    Me:
    Susie:
    Me: Have you ever kissed anyone?
    Susie: Of course. I had to practice so that when you finally got around to kissing me, one of us would know what to do.
    Me: Always a good idea to plan ahead.
    So I kissed her.
    I kissed her and she kissed me back so I kept kissing her and she kept kissing me and we kissed and kissed and I wondered if anybody else in the world had ever felt like this because how did they ever stop, and me in my parka and snow pants and hat and her in hers, we couldn’t stop. I thought we would burn a hole in the ice.
    That kiss felt like the meaning of life.
    Me: That kiss felt like the meaning of life.
    Susie giggled.
    Hobbes: You made her giggle. Yowza!
    Me (to Hobbes): Out!
    Susie: What?
    Me: I’m speaking to Hobbes.
    Susie: Stop it or I’ll make you cry.
    Me: Oh, yeah? Like to see you try.
    So she kissed me again, and I swear it did, Bill, I swear it made me cry, and for the first time I knew something my brain could never know, and for the first time I liked that it could ask a bigger question than it or I could answer.
    When we stopped to breathe, I opened my eyes and the moonlight and starlight filled up the tent.
    Me: Now I understand why a guy can give up his freedom and shackle himself to one girl and spend the rest of his life working at a job he hates just to support the girl’s offspring and then he dies, the end.
    Susie: Yeah, and now I understand why a girl can give up her freedom and shackle herself to one guy and ruin her body giving birth to the guy’s offspring and put her career on hold and not realize her dreams of travel so she can cook and clean and raise the offspring of the guy and then she dies, the end.
    Me: Wow. You win.
    I drew her close.
    Me: You’re real, Susie. Even if you’re not, you’re the realest thing that’s ever happened to me.

 
    When I woke up in the morning, the sun was rising and a warm wind was blowing outside and Susie was looking at me with this Mona Lisa smile on her face.
    I jumped up, knowing we had to travel as fast as we could, knowing we didn’t have enough food and water for a whole day, knowing it was probably