someone.
‘Simon?’ Ellie asks.
‘Yeah, where does he fit into all this?’
I tease Ellie’s dark hair and reach for the hairspray, ‘where did he disappear
to? No one seems to know, but at the same time, no one seems to care?
Doesn’t he have family, people that are worried about him?’ I glance at Ellie’s
impassive expression. ‘Why don’t you like him?’
‘He was a weasel,’ she twists her lips in
disgust. ‘He emerged out of nowhere and changed Ollie overnight,’ she
concludes. ‘No one cares, because no one cares, Sophie. The guy was
trouble with a capital T.’
‘Why did Ollie allow himself to be so
easily led?’ I ask, confused. Ollie never gave me the impression he was
naive.
‘Love will do that to you,’ she smiles,
ironically.
‘Love?’ I gasp.
‘Yeah,’ Ellie frowns, ‘you know Simon was
Ollie’s boyfriend, right?’
I drop my hand from her hair, ‘Ollie was
gay?’ I state, blandly.
‘You didn’t know your brother was gay?’
Ellie’s eyebrows hit her hairline.
‘Why didn’t he tell me?’ I ask, disappointment
searing through me, ‘why didn’t he tell me?’ I repeat, attempting to make sense
of my brother’s secret life. ‘I don’t judge, it makes no difference to
me,’ I mutter, my inside tightening with discontent.
‘I’m sorry, doll,’ Ellie turns in her
chair. ‘I thought you knew,’ she explains.
‘Well, I feel like a prize idiot,’ I
exhale a breath. ‘What kind of sister am I, I didn’t even know my brother
was gay?’
‘Honey,’ Ellie soothes, ‘don’t beat up on
yourself, Ollie was battling something deeper than being gay; drug addiction is
all encompassing.’
‘How do you know?’ I ask confusedly, my
mind flickering with people’s responses to Simon when I had asked. Everyone
knew he was Ollie’s boyfriend, everyone but me.
A darkness enters her gaze, ‘my high
school boyfriend overdosed the night of our prom,’ she murmurs, quietly.
‘Ellie,’ I hum, ‘I’m so sorry.’ I take a
deep breath, ‘fuck, what am I doing here?’ I question. ‘I fly half way around
the world to be supportive to my only sibling, even in death, to find out I
knew absolutely nothing about him!’
‘This isn’t personal to you, Soph,’ Ellie
stands and embraces me tightly. ‘This isn’t a reflection on you, this is
all on Ollie,’ she states. ‘You are the best sister anyone could be and
he was lucky to have you.’
‘No,’ I step out of Ellie’s embrace,
feeling decidedly foolish. ‘I’m not, my life’s one big fuck up.’
‘Come on Soph,’ Ellie calls gently.
‘I’ll be fine, I just need to get my head
around it,’ I assure her, moving to the broom set in the corner.
‘I know you will,’ she smiles,
affectionately. ‘I love the hair, what do I owe you?’ She reaches for her
purse.
‘Nothing,’ I shake my head, adamantly.
‘Oh, no!’ she begins.
‘That one was a welcome to Ollie’s, the
next one is on you,’ I recite her words of that first meal I ate in the diner.
She grins, ‘Thanks, doll, you sure you’re
okay?’ She checks. I assure her I will be fine, and she departs the salon,
leaving me to deal with my emotions alone.
********
I lay awake for hours debating on whether
to cut and run, or stay and face the fact that my brother showed me a side of
himself that may not have been entirely genuine. I feel betrayed by him
concealing the reality of his life. He could have come to me; I would
have helped find him a rehab placement, helped him get his life back on
track. The truth was, he didn’t trust me enough.
Nate calling ! My screen flashes at just after six, the following morning.
I had stumbled out of bed an hour ago
concluding that nothing was being achieved by me laying in the bed tossing and
turning. I had gone for a run to try to clear my mind, it hadn’t worked, but it
felt good to have a workout.
‘Hey!’ I call, softly.
‘Hey babe,’ my stomach
‘Simon?’ Ellie asks.
‘Yeah, where does he fit into all this?’
I tease Ellie’s dark hair and reach for the hairspray, ‘where did he disappear
to? No one seems to know, but at the same time, no one seems to care?
Doesn’t he have family, people that are worried about him?’ I glance at Ellie’s
impassive expression. ‘Why don’t you like him?’
‘He was a weasel,’ she twists her lips in
disgust. ‘He emerged out of nowhere and changed Ollie overnight,’ she
concludes. ‘No one cares, because no one cares, Sophie. The guy was
trouble with a capital T.’
‘Why did Ollie allow himself to be so
easily led?’ I ask, confused. Ollie never gave me the impression he was
naive.
‘Love will do that to you,’ she smiles,
ironically.
‘Love?’ I gasp.
‘Yeah,’ Ellie frowns, ‘you know Simon was
Ollie’s boyfriend, right?’
I drop my hand from her hair, ‘Ollie was
gay?’ I state, blandly.
‘You didn’t know your brother was gay?’
Ellie’s eyebrows hit her hairline.
‘Why didn’t he tell me?’ I ask, disappointment
searing through me, ‘why didn’t he tell me?’ I repeat, attempting to make sense
of my brother’s secret life. ‘I don’t judge, it makes no difference to
me,’ I mutter, my inside tightening with discontent.
‘I’m sorry, doll,’ Ellie turns in her
chair. ‘I thought you knew,’ she explains.
‘Well, I feel like a prize idiot,’ I
exhale a breath. ‘What kind of sister am I, I didn’t even know my brother
was gay?’
‘Honey,’ Ellie soothes, ‘don’t beat up on
yourself, Ollie was battling something deeper than being gay; drug addiction is
all encompassing.’
‘How do you know?’ I ask confusedly, my
mind flickering with people’s responses to Simon when I had asked. Everyone
knew he was Ollie’s boyfriend, everyone but me.
A darkness enters her gaze, ‘my high
school boyfriend overdosed the night of our prom,’ she murmurs, quietly.
‘Ellie,’ I hum, ‘I’m so sorry.’ I take a
deep breath, ‘fuck, what am I doing here?’ I question. ‘I fly half way around
the world to be supportive to my only sibling, even in death, to find out I
knew absolutely nothing about him!’
‘This isn’t personal to you, Soph,’ Ellie
stands and embraces me tightly. ‘This isn’t a reflection on you, this is
all on Ollie,’ she states. ‘You are the best sister anyone could be and
he was lucky to have you.’
‘No,’ I step out of Ellie’s embrace,
feeling decidedly foolish. ‘I’m not, my life’s one big fuck up.’
‘Come on Soph,’ Ellie calls gently.
‘I’ll be fine, I just need to get my head
around it,’ I assure her, moving to the broom set in the corner.
‘I know you will,’ she smiles,
affectionately. ‘I love the hair, what do I owe you?’ She reaches for her
purse.
‘Nothing,’ I shake my head, adamantly.
‘Oh, no!’ she begins.
‘That one was a welcome to Ollie’s, the
next one is on you,’ I recite her words of that first meal I ate in the diner.
She grins, ‘Thanks, doll, you sure you’re
okay?’ She checks. I assure her I will be fine, and she departs the salon,
leaving me to deal with my emotions alone.
********
I lay awake for hours debating on whether
to cut and run, or stay and face the fact that my brother showed me a side of
himself that may not have been entirely genuine. I feel betrayed by him
concealing the reality of his life. He could have come to me; I would
have helped find him a rehab placement, helped him get his life back on
track. The truth was, he didn’t trust me enough.
Nate calling ! My screen flashes at just after six, the following morning.
I had stumbled out of bed an hour ago
concluding that nothing was being achieved by me laying in the bed tossing and
turning. I had gone for a run to try to clear my mind, it hadn’t worked, but it
felt good to have a workout.
‘Hey!’ I call, softly.
‘Hey babe,’ my stomach
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