been in touch. What’s worse is,
Caleb’s bank account was emptied by his parents (I assume) so
there’s no way for me to pay the bills. I should go to work but
what’s the point? I still won’t be making enough to cover
everything.
I’m stuck in a rut and I don’t
want to claw my way out.
Sasha was right, if you let
yourself spiral into darkness, you’ll never find your way back.
“ Why’d you
leave me Caleb?”
I can’t cope. I’m going to lose
everything. I’m going to have to give up the house.
So I do the one thing I never
thought I’d do.
I call his parents. I beg them
for help with the rent, to help with something. It takes every
ounce of pride I have left but I can’t do this alone. Babies cost
money and they have money, I don’t.
His father slams the phone down
and when his mother calls back she tells me, “It’s your fault he’s
dead. If he hadn’t have met you this never would have happened.”
What’s worse is… she’s right.
Everything goes to shit. I
can’t pay the bills, I can’t even afford bread. Sasha gave me a
hundred pounds but it’s not enough to cover the electric. My
paycheque came in yesterday and that’s barely enough to cover the
gas.
Chicago’s gave me five hundred
pounds to help. They collected the money from staff and customers
to put towards expenses. I put it all in the bank and pray for
help. For strength. For courage.
It doesn’t come.
Even if I use this five hundred
to pay the bills. I’m still going to lose the house. And I refuse
to go on benefits yet and even if I did there wouldn’t be enough to
cover the rent and utilities. But this is our house. We decorated
it together!
I don’t want to lose it.
But I do.
Two weeks go by and I lose the
house, fortunately considering the circumstances they don’t sell my
things. They put them in a warehouse for me to collect when I get a
new place. So I go to my mum’s thinking she’ll take me in
considering the circumstances, even though she hasn’t so much as
texted me since she found out I was pregnant.
The door opens, my mum takes
one look at me and sneers in disgust, “He’s left you.”
“ What?” I
gasp, tears pooling in my eyes. “No… mum, he’s dead.” How has she
not heard?
She looks shocked but it
doesn’t last, “And now you want to come home?”
“ We had a
house, jobs, school, I can’t do it on my own.” I admit, my tears
spilling over. “I need you.”
“ I warned
you. You swore you wouldn’t get pregnant. We worked our arses off,
we worked day and night to get you into University.”
I look into her cold cruel
eyes, “This wasn’t my fault. I can still go back I just need
help.”
“ I never
wanted this for you,” she says with a frown. “I can’t help you
Gwen. This is your mess, I dealt with my mess now you need to deal
with yours. I’m disappointed in you.”
“ I can’t help
what happened!” I shout, my hand pressed to my swollen belly.
“Please mum, I don’t have anywhere to stay.”
She takes a step back and just
as I think she’s going to invite me inside she shakes her head and
says, “I’m sorry. I can’t help you.”
I bang on the door and I keep
banging until my fists hurt. She doesn’t answer, she doesn’t even
glance. How can she be so cruel? None of this is my fault.
“ Mum! Please!
Please!” I sink to the ground and bury my face in my hands. My sobs
tear through me like a chainsaw through paper.
I’ve lost everything. I have no
home, no family and no Caleb.
After a few more minutes of
accepting my fate I head to my car and drive until I can’t
anymore.
Even Sasha can’t have me, she’s
lives in a hall of residence. I’d be allowed there for one night.
Just one.
I’m stuck, completely
stuck.
I have to drop out of
university, it’s already paid so I can go back and finish my course
in the future, that’s a relief. What’s not a relief is the fact I
have to quit my placement that I worked so hard to get, but
Caleb’s bank account was emptied by his parents (I assume) so
there’s no way for me to pay the bills. I should go to work but
what’s the point? I still won’t be making enough to cover
everything.
I’m stuck in a rut and I don’t
want to claw my way out.
Sasha was right, if you let
yourself spiral into darkness, you’ll never find your way back.
“ Why’d you
leave me Caleb?”
I can’t cope. I’m going to lose
everything. I’m going to have to give up the house.
So I do the one thing I never
thought I’d do.
I call his parents. I beg them
for help with the rent, to help with something. It takes every
ounce of pride I have left but I can’t do this alone. Babies cost
money and they have money, I don’t.
His father slams the phone down
and when his mother calls back she tells me, “It’s your fault he’s
dead. If he hadn’t have met you this never would have happened.”
What’s worse is… she’s right.
Everything goes to shit. I
can’t pay the bills, I can’t even afford bread. Sasha gave me a
hundred pounds but it’s not enough to cover the electric. My
paycheque came in yesterday and that’s barely enough to cover the
gas.
Chicago’s gave me five hundred
pounds to help. They collected the money from staff and customers
to put towards expenses. I put it all in the bank and pray for
help. For strength. For courage.
It doesn’t come.
Even if I use this five hundred
to pay the bills. I’m still going to lose the house. And I refuse
to go on benefits yet and even if I did there wouldn’t be enough to
cover the rent and utilities. But this is our house. We decorated
it together!
I don’t want to lose it.
But I do.
Two weeks go by and I lose the
house, fortunately considering the circumstances they don’t sell my
things. They put them in a warehouse for me to collect when I get a
new place. So I go to my mum’s thinking she’ll take me in
considering the circumstances, even though she hasn’t so much as
texted me since she found out I was pregnant.
The door opens, my mum takes
one look at me and sneers in disgust, “He’s left you.”
“ What?” I
gasp, tears pooling in my eyes. “No… mum, he’s dead.” How has she
not heard?
She looks shocked but it
doesn’t last, “And now you want to come home?”
“ We had a
house, jobs, school, I can’t do it on my own.” I admit, my tears
spilling over. “I need you.”
“ I warned
you. You swore you wouldn’t get pregnant. We worked our arses off,
we worked day and night to get you into University.”
I look into her cold cruel
eyes, “This wasn’t my fault. I can still go back I just need
help.”
“ I never
wanted this for you,” she says with a frown. “I can’t help you
Gwen. This is your mess, I dealt with my mess now you need to deal
with yours. I’m disappointed in you.”
“ I can’t help
what happened!” I shout, my hand pressed to my swollen belly.
“Please mum, I don’t have anywhere to stay.”
She takes a step back and just
as I think she’s going to invite me inside she shakes her head and
says, “I’m sorry. I can’t help you.”
I bang on the door and I keep
banging until my fists hurt. She doesn’t answer, she doesn’t even
glance. How can she be so cruel? None of this is my fault.
“ Mum! Please!
Please!” I sink to the ground and bury my face in my hands. My sobs
tear through me like a chainsaw through paper.
I’ve lost everything. I have no
home, no family and no Caleb.
After a few more minutes of
accepting my fate I head to my car and drive until I can’t
anymore.
Even Sasha can’t have me, she’s
lives in a hall of residence. I’d be allowed there for one night.
Just one.
I’m stuck, completely
stuck.
I have to drop out of
university, it’s already paid so I can go back and finish my course
in the future, that’s a relief. What’s not a relief is the fact I
have to quit my placement that I worked so hard to get, but
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