Broken by Christa Cervone Page B

better than me.”
    My eyes had filled with tears again.
They were now running down my face, and I began to sob. I felt so
guilty. After we broke up, I slept with every guy I’d met, while he
was celibate for four years. He was right to compare me to a whore
in the bar. That’s what I am.
    “ Leila, please don’t cry.”
He took his thumb and wiped my cheek. “It breaks my heart to see
you cry. I came here to tell you that I miss you. Ever since I saw
you at the wedding, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind.
You consume my thoughts. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep.” He was
shaking. “I had convinced myself that I was over you. Then, I saw
you again. You looked so beautiful. I saw you again at the
Halloween party. . .” His voice began to trail. “You were dancing
with that guy . . . You kissed him.” The expression on his face
looked as if he was in pain. “My heart broke. It took everything in
me not to run across the dance floor and beat the hell out of him.
It was then I realized how empty I was without you. I need you in
my life.”
    I was speechless. I had longed to be
in his arms again, to hear him say these words to me. I felt like I
was dreaming, and if I was dreaming, I never wanted to wake up. He
put his hand underneath my chin and kissed me. A kiss so gentle and
soft it caused me to melt into his arms. I could taste his salty
tears on my lips. He could tell me to do anything at this point,
and I would do it. I was so lost without him. I needed him to stay,
never to leave me again.
    I put my hands on his face. His cheeks
felt damp from his tears. “G, please don’t cry. We need to stop
hurting each other. We were both in pain and handled it very
differently. You tried to feel with tattoo needles, and I tried to
feel with alcohol and men. Neither of which are
healthy.”
    “ Come home with me,” I
whispered. “I need you to hold me tonight. Even if that is all we
do, it is enough just to be in your arms.” He looked into my eyes
and nodded his head. I took him by the hand, and we walked slowly
back to Danny’s and headed straight to my apartment. We didn’t say
a word to each other, but I didn’t need words. I had
him.
    Once we got into my apartment I showed
him around and went into the kitchen. I needed a stiff drink. I
pulled out a vodka bottle and two shot glasses. He walked up behind
me and wrapped his arms around me tight. I leaned my head back onto
his chest and he took a deep breath. “Ah. . . . That smell. . .
I’ve missed your smell,” he said in my ear.
    That was all I needed to hear. I swung
around and wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. He took a few
steps forward and lifted me onto the kitchen counter. Our innocent
kiss quickly turned passionate. My tongue jetted into his mouth. I
moved to his ear and gently nibbled on it.
    I reached for his pants to unbutton
them. I couldn’t stop myself. There was no way I was not making
love to him tonight. At first he froze, and I felt his body tense
up.
    “ It’s ok, Baby,” I said.
“Please let me.”
    I felt his body slowly let go of the
tension. He picked me up off the counter and carried me into my
bedroom. He tentatively laid me down on the bed. He was being so
gentle and cautious, treating me as if I was a virgin. He sat on
the edge of the bed. I slowly began to remove his shirt.
    “No,” he said as a single tear ran
down his cheek.
    He stopped me, “Leila, there is
something I need to tell you,” his voice was shaking.
    I looked up at him the expression on
his face was that of embarrassment.
    “ What is it?”
    “ You remember at the
wedding when you asked me if I had hurt myself?”
    “ Yeah, you said you pulled
a muscle,” I said. “Well, that’s not exactly what happened. I was
in a pretty bad accident in Afghanistan a couple of years
ago.
    “ An accident? What kind of
accident?” I quickly glanced down at his
leg. “How bad?” I asked frantically
    He took a deep breath.
“When I was in