couldn‘t resist and offered
dryly, “It appears he’s taken after you.”
He smiled a tad. His sinewy face
usually harsh, even smiling seemed to require a lot of effort.
“Yeah. I didn’t have what he’s got, not as far as encouragement
went, and his mother is giving me all kinds of hell, because she
blames me for being a bad influence.”
He stopped, raked a hand through his
hair. He said roughly, suddenly, “That’s not what I came here to
talk about.”
Madeline tensed up.
She supplied, “Don't think I’m happy
about Brook and Coy. It’s not about what he does either. I’ve got
dreams for my daughter too, and they don't include having her waste
her emotions on someone you’ve probably taught all about
relationships.”
He grunted. “You sound like my
ex.”
She thought, what the hell, and said
bluntly, “You’re not a likable guy, Jude.” So much nicer, more
civilized she thought proudly, than saying you’re a bastard, or
ass-hole.
He sighed, looked down at the porch
floor, and muttered tightly. “I was in love with you.”
Madeline looked at him intently—dug her
fingers into her arms and…stared. Okay, she was
speechless.
His amber eyes met hers, cautious now,
his face rigid with discomfiture. It was probably hell for him to
get those words out. Still, Madeline sure as hell couldn’t speak.
Her throat was clogged with disbelief.
Half-quiet, half-mumbling Jude
admitted, “It’s why I was always around. In the distance but around
with the camera. It fueled my jealousy, looking at them. Mitch took
them from my room, not even wondering about it. I’ve never talked
to him about it either, but, I wanted you for my own.”
“ I don't believe you,” she
finally husked.
“ I don't blame you.” Again
that almost smile started but didn’t quite make it. “There wasn’t
anyone like you in our lives. The girls I dated were easy. Later,
Amy was Dove's choice, and I was…Well, she never cared for me. You
were...” His eyes went over her face. “You know how it was for us?
We got things easy and only had a few rules. I was in your classes
at school and used to watch you a lot.” He looked down again. “I
knew about your mother, how hard it was, how alone you were. I
wanted to carry you off and take care of you. But Mitch came around
and—“
“ Why put yourself through
this?” Madeline finally said, sensing his uneasiness. “It’s a long
time ago, and a crush is all it might have been.”
Jude walked over until his thighs were
against the opposite banisters, his back to her. He gazed out at
the woods at the end of the lot. “I’ve always felt bad that I
carried a torch for you so long, and intruded on you and Mitch. I
did things that hurt other people, used them. All the way up to
marrying Amy because of it. It gave me an excuse not to grow up. As
long as I didn‘t have what I thought I wanted—I didn‘t have to
pretend to want—what I already had.”
“ It’s water under the
bridge.” Madeline was almost trembling from the shock of his words
and, from what he might be leading up to.
He glanced over his shoulder, his tone
grave, “I lied to you. I lied about Mitch not loving you.” He
turned away. “I never asked him if he did, but hell, Mitch did all
right. He knew what he had in you, and was smart enough to give you
what you needed.”
Madeline closed her eyes only a second.
She allowed a moment to realize the blow and then regained
composure. “You came here, that day, is that what you’re talking
about?”
“ Yes.”
“ Well,” She swallowed twice,
but got out, “It doesn’t matter. Deena and Dovie said much the
same.”
“ Dovie would say it to get
her way. She had picked Ronda for Mitch years earlier, but Deena? I
don't know, I can only tell you I lied.”
Madeline eyed the back of his jacket a
long time, absently examining her feelings, trying to come to terms
with the facts. He was not the type of man who did these sorts of
confessions.
“
dryly, “It appears he’s taken after you.”
He smiled a tad. His sinewy face
usually harsh, even smiling seemed to require a lot of effort.
“Yeah. I didn’t have what he’s got, not as far as encouragement
went, and his mother is giving me all kinds of hell, because she
blames me for being a bad influence.”
He stopped, raked a hand through his
hair. He said roughly, suddenly, “That’s not what I came here to
talk about.”
Madeline tensed up.
She supplied, “Don't think I’m happy
about Brook and Coy. It’s not about what he does either. I’ve got
dreams for my daughter too, and they don't include having her waste
her emotions on someone you’ve probably taught all about
relationships.”
He grunted. “You sound like my
ex.”
She thought, what the hell, and said
bluntly, “You’re not a likable guy, Jude.” So much nicer, more
civilized she thought proudly, than saying you’re a bastard, or
ass-hole.
He sighed, looked down at the porch
floor, and muttered tightly. “I was in love with you.”
Madeline looked at him intently—dug her
fingers into her arms and…stared. Okay, she was
speechless.
His amber eyes met hers, cautious now,
his face rigid with discomfiture. It was probably hell for him to
get those words out. Still, Madeline sure as hell couldn’t speak.
Her throat was clogged with disbelief.
Half-quiet, half-mumbling Jude
admitted, “It’s why I was always around. In the distance but around
with the camera. It fueled my jealousy, looking at them. Mitch took
them from my room, not even wondering about it. I’ve never talked
to him about it either, but, I wanted you for my own.”
“ I don't believe you,” she
finally husked.
“ I don't blame you.” Again
that almost smile started but didn’t quite make it. “There wasn’t
anyone like you in our lives. The girls I dated were easy. Later,
Amy was Dove's choice, and I was…Well, she never cared for me. You
were...” His eyes went over her face. “You know how it was for us?
We got things easy and only had a few rules. I was in your classes
at school and used to watch you a lot.” He looked down again. “I
knew about your mother, how hard it was, how alone you were. I
wanted to carry you off and take care of you. But Mitch came around
and—“
“ Why put yourself through
this?” Madeline finally said, sensing his uneasiness. “It’s a long
time ago, and a crush is all it might have been.”
Jude walked over until his thighs were
against the opposite banisters, his back to her. He gazed out at
the woods at the end of the lot. “I’ve always felt bad that I
carried a torch for you so long, and intruded on you and Mitch. I
did things that hurt other people, used them. All the way up to
marrying Amy because of it. It gave me an excuse not to grow up. As
long as I didn‘t have what I thought I wanted—I didn‘t have to
pretend to want—what I already had.”
“ It’s water under the
bridge.” Madeline was almost trembling from the shock of his words
and, from what he might be leading up to.
He glanced over his shoulder, his tone
grave, “I lied to you. I lied about Mitch not loving you.” He
turned away. “I never asked him if he did, but hell, Mitch did all
right. He knew what he had in you, and was smart enough to give you
what you needed.”
Madeline closed her eyes only a second.
She allowed a moment to realize the blow and then regained
composure. “You came here, that day, is that what you’re talking
about?”
“ Yes.”
“ Well,” She swallowed twice,
but got out, “It doesn’t matter. Deena and Dovie said much the
same.”
“ Dovie would say it to get
her way. She had picked Ronda for Mitch years earlier, but Deena? I
don't know, I can only tell you I lied.”
Madeline eyed the back of his jacket a
long time, absently examining her feelings, trying to come to terms
with the facts. He was not the type of man who did these sorts of
confessions.
“
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