time. Maybe ever.
Yet despite all that was awesome, Kane filled my thoughts. Shoving him off in the middle of sex was just not cool and I didn’t blame him for being so angry he didn’t contact me. I wasn’t about to text him. Because I was very aware it mattered too much to me if he responded or not. I couldn’t go there, I couldn’t let him serve as a distraction.
So when I did hear from him after two weeks and it was him saying he wanted to pull my hair, it ticked me off. Sure, he had every right to say that. And yes, I had possibly pulled his hair first, but here I was, being such a girl, like legitimately pining for him like I was fourteen and he was just thinking about me in dirty girl terms. Again, his right. But it still made me mad. I’m not always rational. Not my claim to fame.
I swung back. It’s a defense mechanism. But then I felt guilty and I texted fuck it, that I fucking liked him and it fucking scared me and what the fuck was wrong with that? And he didn’t answer.
So embarrassing. So awful.
It was still a humiliating sting the next afternoon when I pushed Asher in the swing at the local park. He was squealing in delight, his chubby arms flapping in the sweatshirt Chloe had bought him, the hood pulled up tightly over his ears. I was actually in front of him, pulling the swing towards me then letting it go so I could see his adorable face. It made me smile every single time.
“Look at you, buddy,” I said, smiling right back at him. “Aren’t you so handsome? Yes. Mommy loves you.”
I felt fiercely lucky. It was a quiet park, just a couple of other mothers with kids milling about, and the equipment was new, the mulch on the ground fresh. The playground was surrounded by trees, a few walking trails, and a picnic shelter. The air smelled clean and I was just any other mom on a Saturday morning with her child. It felt delicious. Freeing. I could almost believe that it could stay like this- that I could keep working at my job, save some money, get a studio for me and Asher. Make a home for him here in Maine.
That still seemed remote and naïve though.
Maybe that was why the text from Kane had ticked me off so much. It had reminded me that my life wasn’t ordinary, that I wasn’t just some Katie he’d met at the bar.
But I had sunshine and a perfect baby and five bucks in my pocket so I needed to just banish thoughts of Kane from my mind. I was holding Asher’s swing up and kissing him on the cheek, making silly munching sounds so he would laugh when I realized there was a cop car pulling into the parking lot. One of the little kids on the jungle gym spotted it too and yelled out to his mom that the police were there.
A cold sweat broke out between my breasts before I could stop the involuntary reaction. I hadn’t always had the best relationship with law enforcement. I fought against the urge to lift Asher out of the swing and take off, fast walking back to Chloe’s. I knew it couldn’t be for me- Diego wouldn’t involve cops. No one knew where I was. But I couldn’t stop the anxiety.
Anxiety shifted to irritation when the squad car parked and a cop stepped out. Shit. I knew that cop. That was Kane. I recognized the way he moved, his height, his shoulders. That hair. That goddamn hair. Why did he have to be so hot? His name should be Officer Hottie and that sucked. It sucked that I’d seen him naked and knew how strong his arms were. I kept my back to him, but I knew he’d seen me. I could feel his stare.
His boots crunched over the leaves as he approached me. I let Asher go again and I half-turned to give Kane a once over. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He came to a stop and just stood there for a second.
Holy shit, he was good looking. He was like Adonis attends the police academy. His shirt was crisp and showed off his muscular arms, and his pants displayed his legs and package to perfection. I could see the gun holster and the handcuffs at his hip. He even had sunglasses on, which
Yet despite all that was awesome, Kane filled my thoughts. Shoving him off in the middle of sex was just not cool and I didn’t blame him for being so angry he didn’t contact me. I wasn’t about to text him. Because I was very aware it mattered too much to me if he responded or not. I couldn’t go there, I couldn’t let him serve as a distraction.
So when I did hear from him after two weeks and it was him saying he wanted to pull my hair, it ticked me off. Sure, he had every right to say that. And yes, I had possibly pulled his hair first, but here I was, being such a girl, like legitimately pining for him like I was fourteen and he was just thinking about me in dirty girl terms. Again, his right. But it still made me mad. I’m not always rational. Not my claim to fame.
I swung back. It’s a defense mechanism. But then I felt guilty and I texted fuck it, that I fucking liked him and it fucking scared me and what the fuck was wrong with that? And he didn’t answer.
So embarrassing. So awful.
It was still a humiliating sting the next afternoon when I pushed Asher in the swing at the local park. He was squealing in delight, his chubby arms flapping in the sweatshirt Chloe had bought him, the hood pulled up tightly over his ears. I was actually in front of him, pulling the swing towards me then letting it go so I could see his adorable face. It made me smile every single time.
“Look at you, buddy,” I said, smiling right back at him. “Aren’t you so handsome? Yes. Mommy loves you.”
I felt fiercely lucky. It was a quiet park, just a couple of other mothers with kids milling about, and the equipment was new, the mulch on the ground fresh. The playground was surrounded by trees, a few walking trails, and a picnic shelter. The air smelled clean and I was just any other mom on a Saturday morning with her child. It felt delicious. Freeing. I could almost believe that it could stay like this- that I could keep working at my job, save some money, get a studio for me and Asher. Make a home for him here in Maine.
That still seemed remote and naïve though.
Maybe that was why the text from Kane had ticked me off so much. It had reminded me that my life wasn’t ordinary, that I wasn’t just some Katie he’d met at the bar.
But I had sunshine and a perfect baby and five bucks in my pocket so I needed to just banish thoughts of Kane from my mind. I was holding Asher’s swing up and kissing him on the cheek, making silly munching sounds so he would laugh when I realized there was a cop car pulling into the parking lot. One of the little kids on the jungle gym spotted it too and yelled out to his mom that the police were there.
A cold sweat broke out between my breasts before I could stop the involuntary reaction. I hadn’t always had the best relationship with law enforcement. I fought against the urge to lift Asher out of the swing and take off, fast walking back to Chloe’s. I knew it couldn’t be for me- Diego wouldn’t involve cops. No one knew where I was. But I couldn’t stop the anxiety.
Anxiety shifted to irritation when the squad car parked and a cop stepped out. Shit. I knew that cop. That was Kane. I recognized the way he moved, his height, his shoulders. That hair. That goddamn hair. Why did he have to be so hot? His name should be Officer Hottie and that sucked. It sucked that I’d seen him naked and knew how strong his arms were. I kept my back to him, but I knew he’d seen me. I could feel his stare.
His boots crunched over the leaves as he approached me. I let Asher go again and I half-turned to give Kane a once over. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He came to a stop and just stood there for a second.
Holy shit, he was good looking. He was like Adonis attends the police academy. His shirt was crisp and showed off his muscular arms, and his pants displayed his legs and package to perfection. I could see the gun holster and the handcuffs at his hip. He even had sunglasses on, which
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