be missing. She saw Ease staring without seeing, and explained: “Camouflage Panties. Don’t worry; they are there.” She caught his hand and put it on her hidden hip. “See?”
DON’T FREAK OUT! Kandy thought, catching him just in time. He couldn’t see the panties, but it seemed that touching them was just about as effective.
In due course the music paused, and the dancers sought refresh-mints along with boot rear, Peace Tree Tea, and cakes in the shape of cups.
A male bovine wandered onto the field. “Scram, Bull!” someone yelled, and the creature hastily departed.
Overhead two terns flew. One doubled sharply back the way it had come: a U-tern. The other flew in a straight line, never swerving: a tern pike. Then several male sheep whose wool resembled open books charged across the field, trampling flowers and upsetting tables: ram pages.
“What is that?” Tiara asked.
Ease looked. It was a giant hand wearing a skirt, walking along on its fingers. A HAND MAIDEN Kandy thought to Ease.
“A hand maiden,” he said.
“Oh, you’re so smart!”
She was flattering him, and he was enjoying it. Kandy stifled her resentment yet again.
“It getting hot,” Astrid said. “I’m going to the shade of that pine tree.”
“Don’t do that,” Pewter warned. “It’s a porcu-pine, with quills.”
There was a scream from the edge of the field. “My blood hound just dissolved!” a woman cried.
Kandy had seen that hound, which looked as if it were constantly bleeding; it was a pun. They looked toward the woman, and there before her was a puddle of blood. The hound had indeed gone all the way.
“That could be mischief,” Pewter murmured.
It was. The pun musical instruments were dissolving into gunk, as were the pun foods. So were some pun people. The malady was spreading slowly across the field, leaving putrid gunk behind.
“What is it?” Mitch asked, distraught.
“It is the plague,” Pewter said. “The pun dissolving virus has arrived.”
“We must stop it!”
“That is our Quest. But we have not yet found the antidote.”
Mitch rushed off toward the disaster. “Move out! Move out!” he cried. “Get away from the carnage. It’s a pun destroyer.”
That was not the best thing to do. People screamed and panicked, knocking each other down as they tried to escape.
“Do something!” Astrid told Pewter. “I know you can.”
“My firewall is operative only in my immediate vicinity,” Pewter said. “But I will do what I can.” Then his voice amplified enormously. “It affects only puns. If you’re not a pun there is no danger. Hold your ground.”
The people heard him and hesitated.
“Let the puns escape,” Pewter continued loudly. “Help them escape.”
Then the people knew what to do. They stopped stampeding and let the pun folk run unhampered. The virus advance was slow, and the people easily left it behind. But most of the puns were things that could not move on their own. They had to be carried, or they were doomed.
Mitch hastily organized a crew to pile stones, making a crude wall, in an attempt to stop the virus. But it surged over the wall unimpeded.
“Do something more,” Astrid told Pewter.
“I need an idea. I’m a machine, not an original thinker.”
“Mitch!” Astrid called. “Pewter needs an idea!”
“I’m busy at the moment,” Mitch called back.
“To save the pun folk,” Astrid clarified.
“Oh!” Mitch concentrated. “Fetching fetching . . . . sending!”
“Got it!” Pewter said. “There’s an old walled fort near the village. I will defend it with a firewall. But I need to get there before the virus does.”
“I’ll help,” Tiara said. “Can you make my hair stronger?”
“Yes.” Tiara’s neat hairdo puffed apart and her hair radiated straight out from her head like a spiked helmet. The tug was strong; her feet started to leave the ground. She skipped across to Pewter and flung her arms about him. “Now run!”
Pewter ran, and
DON’T FREAK OUT! Kandy thought, catching him just in time. He couldn’t see the panties, but it seemed that touching them was just about as effective.
In due course the music paused, and the dancers sought refresh-mints along with boot rear, Peace Tree Tea, and cakes in the shape of cups.
A male bovine wandered onto the field. “Scram, Bull!” someone yelled, and the creature hastily departed.
Overhead two terns flew. One doubled sharply back the way it had come: a U-tern. The other flew in a straight line, never swerving: a tern pike. Then several male sheep whose wool resembled open books charged across the field, trampling flowers and upsetting tables: ram pages.
“What is that?” Tiara asked.
Ease looked. It was a giant hand wearing a skirt, walking along on its fingers. A HAND MAIDEN Kandy thought to Ease.
“A hand maiden,” he said.
“Oh, you’re so smart!”
She was flattering him, and he was enjoying it. Kandy stifled her resentment yet again.
“It getting hot,” Astrid said. “I’m going to the shade of that pine tree.”
“Don’t do that,” Pewter warned. “It’s a porcu-pine, with quills.”
There was a scream from the edge of the field. “My blood hound just dissolved!” a woman cried.
Kandy had seen that hound, which looked as if it were constantly bleeding; it was a pun. They looked toward the woman, and there before her was a puddle of blood. The hound had indeed gone all the way.
“That could be mischief,” Pewter murmured.
It was. The pun musical instruments were dissolving into gunk, as were the pun foods. So were some pun people. The malady was spreading slowly across the field, leaving putrid gunk behind.
“What is it?” Mitch asked, distraught.
“It is the plague,” Pewter said. “The pun dissolving virus has arrived.”
“We must stop it!”
“That is our Quest. But we have not yet found the antidote.”
Mitch rushed off toward the disaster. “Move out! Move out!” he cried. “Get away from the carnage. It’s a pun destroyer.”
That was not the best thing to do. People screamed and panicked, knocking each other down as they tried to escape.
“Do something!” Astrid told Pewter. “I know you can.”
“My firewall is operative only in my immediate vicinity,” Pewter said. “But I will do what I can.” Then his voice amplified enormously. “It affects only puns. If you’re not a pun there is no danger. Hold your ground.”
The people heard him and hesitated.
“Let the puns escape,” Pewter continued loudly. “Help them escape.”
Then the people knew what to do. They stopped stampeding and let the pun folk run unhampered. The virus advance was slow, and the people easily left it behind. But most of the puns were things that could not move on their own. They had to be carried, or they were doomed.
Mitch hastily organized a crew to pile stones, making a crude wall, in an attempt to stop the virus. But it surged over the wall unimpeded.
“Do something more,” Astrid told Pewter.
“I need an idea. I’m a machine, not an original thinker.”
“Mitch!” Astrid called. “Pewter needs an idea!”
“I’m busy at the moment,” Mitch called back.
“To save the pun folk,” Astrid clarified.
“Oh!” Mitch concentrated. “Fetching fetching . . . . sending!”
“Got it!” Pewter said. “There’s an old walled fort near the village. I will defend it with a firewall. But I need to get there before the virus does.”
“I’ll help,” Tiara said. “Can you make my hair stronger?”
“Yes.” Tiara’s neat hairdo puffed apart and her hair radiated straight out from her head like a spiked helmet. The tug was strong; her feet started to leave the ground. She skipped across to Pewter and flung her arms about him. “Now run!”
Pewter ran, and
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