Board Stiff (Xanth) by Piers Anthony

friends!” the man called jovially. “Have you come to join the party?”
    “Party?” Ease asked blankly.
    “We are about to celebrate the Pun,” the man said. “Let’s introduce ourselves. I am Mitch, the master of ceremonies. This is the mare of Punic Curse, so called because there are more puns here than anywhere else. It was considered a curse, until we got the bright idea to make something of it and convert it to a blessing. But we don’t want to change the name of the village. So the mare authorized it and I am implementing it, and everybody is welcome to a punderful time.”
    “Hello Mitch,” Ease said, slightly uneasily. “Hello, mare. I am Ease, and this is Astrid. And Pewter. And Tiara. We’re on a Quest. So its just coincidence that we landed here. I think.”
    “You think?”
    “Well, we’re trying to save the puns from the plague.”
    “Plague?”
    “It evidently has not yet reached here. It’s a virus that destroys puns. We are searching for an anti-virus to stop it.”
    “Surely you jest!” Mitch said. “Nothing can stop puns. We depend on that.”
    A glance circled around, starting with Ease, glancing off Astrid and Tiara, and landing on Pewter. The events were supposed to be relevant, so there should be a reason they were here. But the folk of Punic Curse were oblivious. There seemed to be no point in bothering them about something that, with luck, would never happen here.
    “We hope you are correct,” Pewter said. “We shall be glad to participate in your festivities, until we find whatever it is we are looking for here.”
    “Excellent!” Mitch moved on, organizing the party.
    Many more villagers were gathering. Soon there was music, as they played huge ear-shaped drums, a trio of ugly bird-women played harps, and odd-shaped horns tooted. Kandy diverted herself by checking off the puns: ear drums, harp-Ps, insti-toots. Parrots played really dirty stringed instruments, (poll-lutes), violent-looking men rang bells, (reb-bells), reading from sheets hung on a line in front of them, (sheet music). Women pounded out rolls with rocks in their hands, (rock and roll). A man whose shirt identified him as Trom beat out the rhythm with a bone (Trom-bone). Another man identified as Nick whistled a tune, (Tune-Nick). Beside him an alien creature shaped like a gourd strummed on strings stretched across its belly, (ukul-alien). Several others were playing so hard they were sweating, a sweat-band. Others were blowing into their shoes, (shoe-horns). Nearby were a number of musical bars: soap, salad, sand, gold, candy. There were tuning forks, knives, spoons, plates, and glasses.
    Before long the villagers were dancing, some decorated with buns, (abun-dance), cords, (ac-cord dance), while some seemed to ignore their partners (avoid-dance). A man in armor danced with several women (Dance Knight).
    “Oh, let’s do it!” Tiara said. “I haven’t danced with a partner in so long, and never with an adult!”
    “I don’t know how to dance,” Astrid protested.
    “These days that doesn’t matter,” Tiara said. “You just get out there and bounce your body around. I’ll show you.” She tugged Astrid onto the dance floor and started jiggling her body.
    Astrid just stood there uncertainly. Mitch glanced her way. Suddenly she began to jiggle too. Her body was well made for it, and in one and a half to two moments several men were heading her way.
    “What did you do?” Pewter asked Mitch.
    “I sent her an idea I got from Tiara,” Mitch said. “That’s my talent: to fetch and send ideas. Not big ones, and just one at a time, but sometimes it helps.”
    So it seemed. Now that she had gotten started, Astrid was really animating her body. Kandy hoped she didn’t shake off any sequins.
    Then two young women oriented on Ease and Pewter and dragged them into the dance too. The one opposite Ease had a nymph-like figure and seemed to be wearing little beside a bra and, well, her mid section seemed to