you,” Nate says with concern lacing every word.
“Please, Nate. I really just want to be alone for a while.”
“Okay, just let me know if you need me.”
“I will. I love you, Nate.”
“I love you, too, Little N...so much.”
He gives me another tight hug, then I head to my room and close the door.
I lie on the bed, just thinking about everything and nothing, occasionally shedding more silent tears, and then I feel an intense need to talk to Land. He’ll make me feel better; make me forget everything for a while. I can only hope that he’s online right now. I don’t know if I can take the disappointment of him not being there, again.
OffLand18 is online.
Oh, thank God!
OffLand18 says: Hey, baby! How was your first day?
BabyDove94 says: It was good.
OffLand18 says: You don’t seem too sure?
BabyDove94 says: No, it really was. My new boss is great, she was pleased with me. I picked up everything really quickly and didn’t have a panic attack, so it went way better than expected.
OffLand18 says: That’s great! I’m so happy for you :) I still feel like there’s something bothering you though?
I guess I need to tell him, so that he’ll understand why I need a distraction.
BabyDove94 says: We just found out my parents’ house sale has gone through and all their belongings have been moved to storage. I was in a really good mood after my unexpectedly good first day at work, and the news just... It’s a lot to deal with.
OffLand18 says: Oh, babe, I’m sorry. That’s really rough. I wish I could just hold you right now and make you feel better.
So do I. I just wish he was here, I wish we had a normal friendship that could grow into a normal relationship. I wish he could hold me until the tears stopped...but he can’t.
BabyDove94 says: I wish you could, too. I wish everything was different.
OffLand18 says: How do you mean?
BabyDove94 says: I just wish we’d met under different circumstances. I wish we’d met in real life, I wish you lived here, I wish we knew each other’s names, could see each other’s faces, could hold each other. I just wish everything was different to how it is.
Wow. That was a lot to unload on the poor guy. I hope he doesn’t feel guilty in any way. I hope he doesn’t feel responsible for things not being the way I want. We have equal responsibility for the way our friendship started and grew to what it is now.
OffLand18 says: One day, things will be different. I promise, Little Dove. One day you’ll know every detail of my life, and I’ll hold you as often and for as long as you’ll let me.
BabyDove94 says: Why can’t that be now?
OffLand18 says: I want it to be now, really, I do. There’s just things I need to do before it can happen. Nothing you need to be concerned with. Just know that I want everything you want, and I’ll do everything it takes to make it happen. Please believe me. I just want everything to be perfect when we’re finally together. Nothing holding us back.
What’s holding us back now? I want to believe him... I do! I just don’t understand what he needs to do that is “nothing I need to be concerned with.” How could it not concern me when it’s keeping us apart? I guess all I can do is trust him and hope that it all works out in the end.
If it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end, right?
BabyDove94 says: I believe you. I trust you. I just... I need you.
OffLand18 says: You have me. I need you, too. More than you’ll ever know. The five years I’ve known you have been the best I’ve ever had.
He’s the sweetest person I’ve ever known. Always willing to listen, give advice, and make me feel special. If I ever lost him, I don’t know what I’d do. I just hope I never have to find out.
BabyDove94 says: You say the sweetest things.
OffLand18 says: Because you’re the sweetest girl.
BabyDove94 says: Tell me about your
“Please, Nate. I really just want to be alone for a while.”
“Okay, just let me know if you need me.”
“I will. I love you, Nate.”
“I love you, too, Little N...so much.”
He gives me another tight hug, then I head to my room and close the door.
I lie on the bed, just thinking about everything and nothing, occasionally shedding more silent tears, and then I feel an intense need to talk to Land. He’ll make me feel better; make me forget everything for a while. I can only hope that he’s online right now. I don’t know if I can take the disappointment of him not being there, again.
OffLand18 is online.
Oh, thank God!
OffLand18 says: Hey, baby! How was your first day?
BabyDove94 says: It was good.
OffLand18 says: You don’t seem too sure?
BabyDove94 says: No, it really was. My new boss is great, she was pleased with me. I picked up everything really quickly and didn’t have a panic attack, so it went way better than expected.
OffLand18 says: That’s great! I’m so happy for you :) I still feel like there’s something bothering you though?
I guess I need to tell him, so that he’ll understand why I need a distraction.
BabyDove94 says: We just found out my parents’ house sale has gone through and all their belongings have been moved to storage. I was in a really good mood after my unexpectedly good first day at work, and the news just... It’s a lot to deal with.
OffLand18 says: Oh, babe, I’m sorry. That’s really rough. I wish I could just hold you right now and make you feel better.
So do I. I just wish he was here, I wish we had a normal friendship that could grow into a normal relationship. I wish he could hold me until the tears stopped...but he can’t.
BabyDove94 says: I wish you could, too. I wish everything was different.
OffLand18 says: How do you mean?
BabyDove94 says: I just wish we’d met under different circumstances. I wish we’d met in real life, I wish you lived here, I wish we knew each other’s names, could see each other’s faces, could hold each other. I just wish everything was different to how it is.
Wow. That was a lot to unload on the poor guy. I hope he doesn’t feel guilty in any way. I hope he doesn’t feel responsible for things not being the way I want. We have equal responsibility for the way our friendship started and grew to what it is now.
OffLand18 says: One day, things will be different. I promise, Little Dove. One day you’ll know every detail of my life, and I’ll hold you as often and for as long as you’ll let me.
BabyDove94 says: Why can’t that be now?
OffLand18 says: I want it to be now, really, I do. There’s just things I need to do before it can happen. Nothing you need to be concerned with. Just know that I want everything you want, and I’ll do everything it takes to make it happen. Please believe me. I just want everything to be perfect when we’re finally together. Nothing holding us back.
What’s holding us back now? I want to believe him... I do! I just don’t understand what he needs to do that is “nothing I need to be concerned with.” How could it not concern me when it’s keeping us apart? I guess all I can do is trust him and hope that it all works out in the end.
If it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end, right?
BabyDove94 says: I believe you. I trust you. I just... I need you.
OffLand18 says: You have me. I need you, too. More than you’ll ever know. The five years I’ve known you have been the best I’ve ever had.
He’s the sweetest person I’ve ever known. Always willing to listen, give advice, and make me feel special. If I ever lost him, I don’t know what I’d do. I just hope I never have to find out.
BabyDove94 says: You say the sweetest things.
OffLand18 says: Because you’re the sweetest girl.
BabyDove94 says: Tell me about your
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