Nikole,” he called out.
He walked over to the desk against the wall and palmed the family diary in his left hand. He started to thumb through the pages, reading about each of the ancestors they had had and the different things they had created and accomplished since their births. Thankfully the diary had been in the safe during the flood and wasn’t destroyed. The weight of his rash decision weighed heavily on him. He stopped turning the pages when he reached his omm sketched photo. Slowly he started to read what had been written about her, the things she had done for her people, the love she’d had for her children. He didn’t even hear Nikole walking up behind him, he was so focused on what was in front of him.
“She would be proud of us, you know.”
“I’m not so sure about that. I really did a number on our home.”
“She would understand. Remember, women have quite the temper. Don’t you remember when Mama destroyed Baba’s throne?”
Zayn took a moment to laugh with his okht. No matter what he said to her, it wouldn’t correct the mistake he had made. Maybe words were not what they needed, but just compassion. They were both hurting and both in desperate need of love from one another.
“Abb would have been proud of you too, little okht.”
She gave him a bit of silent approval by slipping her hand into his. She held it gently as she leaned her head on his shoulder. Asshole or not, she loved him more than anything else.
“I’m gonna be an amma, huh? Gotta say, I know Mama and Baba were not around for the condom era to explain it to you, but I was pretty sure you knew how they worked.”
“Nikole, stop, you know this wasn’t planned. We just need to pray she can keep the baby. I will never forgive myself if anything happens to Adara and our child.”
“Are you going to tell me what happened? You know it isn’t like you to hurt someone like this.” Nikole gave his hand a squeeze before reaching up and taking the book from him. She scanned the lines on the pages written by hand about their omm. She didn’t know who kept this information current, but they had her omm written perfectly.
“Little okht, believe me when I tell you I don’t know what was going through my mind. I’ve relived that moment over and over, and I just kept thinking, ‘I have to see her, I have to make her see reason.’ I have no justification. It’s like something went off in my mind. Nothing, no one, was going to stop me.”
Zayn watched her closely while she read about their ancestors; he remembered the day she was born and the oath he had sworn to the king, their abb.
“I’m sorry I left and treated you the way I did, for all of it. What you said about me causing all of this was right. I never should have behaved like that, especially to you.” He turned away from her, unable to face the look of disappointment that he was sure was written across her face. Everything he had done, he now had to fix and make up for, and he had do it alone. No one could fix his relationship with either woman except for him.
“I forgive you for what you did to me, but I will not tolerate you arguing with me about my life and what I choose to do with it. I believe I have proven myself to all the Algula, about what kind of leader I can be. And if I want to lead our military, I’m no longer asking permission.” Nikole took the diary and closed it before putting it back in the safe they kept hidden in the room. She took one last look at her akh.
“It’s going to take some adjustment having you again, so be patient with everyone. I’ll be in my room unpacking and thinking about what to do about Alec.” She started to move toward the door for a few seconds before Zayn reached his hand out and touched her arm. She turned around, and he could tell she had pain in her eyes. She’d been hurt by everyone she’d loved. There was nothing in this world that justified that.
“What did he say that has you so hurt?”
“I don’t
He walked over to the desk against the wall and palmed the family diary in his left hand. He started to thumb through the pages, reading about each of the ancestors they had had and the different things they had created and accomplished since their births. Thankfully the diary had been in the safe during the flood and wasn’t destroyed. The weight of his rash decision weighed heavily on him. He stopped turning the pages when he reached his omm sketched photo. Slowly he started to read what had been written about her, the things she had done for her people, the love she’d had for her children. He didn’t even hear Nikole walking up behind him, he was so focused on what was in front of him.
“She would be proud of us, you know.”
“I’m not so sure about that. I really did a number on our home.”
“She would understand. Remember, women have quite the temper. Don’t you remember when Mama destroyed Baba’s throne?”
Zayn took a moment to laugh with his okht. No matter what he said to her, it wouldn’t correct the mistake he had made. Maybe words were not what they needed, but just compassion. They were both hurting and both in desperate need of love from one another.
“Abb would have been proud of you too, little okht.”
She gave him a bit of silent approval by slipping her hand into his. She held it gently as she leaned her head on his shoulder. Asshole or not, she loved him more than anything else.
“I’m gonna be an amma, huh? Gotta say, I know Mama and Baba were not around for the condom era to explain it to you, but I was pretty sure you knew how they worked.”
“Nikole, stop, you know this wasn’t planned. We just need to pray she can keep the baby. I will never forgive myself if anything happens to Adara and our child.”
“Are you going to tell me what happened? You know it isn’t like you to hurt someone like this.” Nikole gave his hand a squeeze before reaching up and taking the book from him. She scanned the lines on the pages written by hand about their omm. She didn’t know who kept this information current, but they had her omm written perfectly.
“Little okht, believe me when I tell you I don’t know what was going through my mind. I’ve relived that moment over and over, and I just kept thinking, ‘I have to see her, I have to make her see reason.’ I have no justification. It’s like something went off in my mind. Nothing, no one, was going to stop me.”
Zayn watched her closely while she read about their ancestors; he remembered the day she was born and the oath he had sworn to the king, their abb.
“I’m sorry I left and treated you the way I did, for all of it. What you said about me causing all of this was right. I never should have behaved like that, especially to you.” He turned away from her, unable to face the look of disappointment that he was sure was written across her face. Everything he had done, he now had to fix and make up for, and he had do it alone. No one could fix his relationship with either woman except for him.
“I forgive you for what you did to me, but I will not tolerate you arguing with me about my life and what I choose to do with it. I believe I have proven myself to all the Algula, about what kind of leader I can be. And if I want to lead our military, I’m no longer asking permission.” Nikole took the diary and closed it before putting it back in the safe they kept hidden in the room. She took one last look at her akh.
“It’s going to take some adjustment having you again, so be patient with everyone. I’ll be in my room unpacking and thinking about what to do about Alec.” She started to move toward the door for a few seconds before Zayn reached his hand out and touched her arm. She turned around, and he could tell she had pain in her eyes. She’d been hurt by everyone she’d loved. There was nothing in this world that justified that.
“What did he say that has you so hurt?”
“I don’t
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