Black & Ugly as Ever by T. Styles

repeated shaking his head looking at Sweets as we stepped out of the car. “Yous about a stupid, bitch!”
“I was just tryin’ to help,” Sweets said easing out of the car. “The truth is, Parade, you gonna have to stop lettin’ everybody else’s problem with your complexion be your burden. You are a woman. A beautiful one at that…and you have to start exuding that to everyone you meet.”
Wow. Sweets got deep on me and for a second, she seemed different. Like she really cared. It was weird and made me somewhat uncomfortable because her words hit home.
“Girl, shut your fake ass up and come on!” Miss Wayne replied.
They were arguing and I needed to think. I allowed them to walk ahead of me to clear my mind. Cause I still wasn’t convinced that the complexion I wore, wasn’t the reason why everything went bad in my life, and it was going to take a miracle to change my mind. And God wasn’t in the business of performing miracles in my life so I knew it would never happen.

Daffany
    I’m watching TV and everything on reminds me of “ It ”. I can’t stop the urge and the desire I have to satisfy my ultimate craving. To get high. Not even the baby I carry in my womb makes the urge go away. At first the picture of Miss Wayne’s bashed up face in my mind helps, but soon the violence he suffered because of me no longer works. Yet the only thing that holds me is that I know if I leave, Miss Wayne will come looking for me and I can’t risk something happening to him…again.
    I was able to get some dope from a white girl who lives in the next building over one day. I couldn’t believe she let me get high with her. I guess misery loves company. I knew she was a dope head the moment I laid eyes on her. But after I told her I’d come back with my share of the money, and never did, she left me alone.
    I decided to turn up the sound on the part in the movie Stomp The Yard, where Columbus Short danced off the song, “ Walk It Out ”. That part always got me hyped and usually drew me into it. He looked like he owned the club when he moved on the stage. I remember when me, Parade, Sky and Miss Wayne use to hang out at the club. We use to own it too. I would always get high right before I went to put my mind at ease. But back then, I only fucked with Ecstasy.
High . High. High. High. High .
Yeah… high , that’s what I want to be right now.
    I jumped up and went to Miss Wayne’s room looking for some sweat pants and a baggy T-shirt large enough to cover my tummy. I needed to hide my pregnancy before I copped. Sometimes…not often…dealers didn’t want to serve you if they had a conscious. I hated those types. My business was my business not theirs.
    I didn’t need this unborn baby stopping me from getting what I wanted, and sometimes I resented it. When I rummaged through his dresser, all I saw was tight pants, and girly clothes, none of which would fit over my stomach. And then I remembered, his lover Keith lived here too and always wore extra large clothes.
    I made my way over to his side of the bedroom and accidentally hit my toe on the metal bed frame. Falling onto the bed I rubbed my toe until the pain subsided. This is crazy. What am I doing? It had been one day since I smoked and I want so badly to beat this thing. I just can’t. Still, it feels good being able to walk around without it. For the first time in a long time I feel proud. I don’t need that stuff. I can beat this! If I just try.
    I got up on my way to return to the living room when I thought, I could start over tomorrow . Tomorrow I’ll beat this thing for good and protect me and my baby. Yeah…my baby. My baby . What am I doing? I’m pregnant?!!!
    “Lord please help me do this.” I cried as I lay against the wall before sliding down into a ball on the floor. “I can’t do this alone. I’m gonna kill my baby and I’m gonna kill myself too.”
    As I prayed for God to help me, I heard keys in the door. Did Miss Wayne forget