BITTER MEMORIES: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival by Sue Julsen, Gary McCluskey
Authors: Sue Julsen, Gary McCluskey
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I didn’t understand how, or where they came from, I trusted Ann and the others, and felt grateful not to have to do the nightly things I watched them doing just to save me.
“We’ll make sure you never have to do these things, Sarah,” Ann’s soft, comforting voice promised.
I still wondered exactly what had scared Ron so badly that first day in the tent. I didn’t know if it had been because they thought I might’ve been dead, or just the change they witnessed when Ann took over. But, whatever it was, I wouldn’t ask. That would mean having to talk to them, and I didn’t want anything to do with Ron or his brothers!
Several weeks had passed when I heard the boys outside my door, snickering. I knew something was up, and the next afternoon Ron came into my room—uninvited—as usual.
I looked into his scowling face, and began to float to my safe place.
Of course, Ron thought he was talking to me, a scared little kid, when he ordered me to do it , or he’d kill me. He expected me to be so frightened I’d do whatever he said, but he didn’t know Jean had taken over right after he’d entered my room.
He was thrown for a loop when Jean gave him a cynical smile and said, “Go ahead. Kill me.”
Laughing, he left the room, only to come back moments later with a big serrated-edged fishing knife. “If you don’t do me, I’ll cut you into little pieces and feed you to the worms,” he threatened.
Jean had tried calling his bluff, but when he put the knife to her throat, she wasn’t sure. She felt being dead would be better than the hell the boys and Uncle Frank were putting them through, but when she felt the cold, steel blade, she lost her nerve.
She wanted to die, but not that way. She wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
Quiet. No mess. Peaceful.
Looking into Ron’s cold eyes, Jean began floating, and Scottie emerged.
Aye, I do this better than the girls , he thought, as Ron seized him with the hand that held the knife and pulled his pecker out with his free hand. Scottie hated Ron just as much as the girls and I did, but he too was terrified of the consequences of refusal, and did as Ron ordered.
When finished, Ron laughed sadistically. “Isn’t that better than getting cut, little bitch? Now, get out to the tent. My brothers are waiting.”
From that day on, every day and every night were the same. From my place of safety I watched in despair as they had to do what Ron said during the day, and what Uncle Frank said at night. What we didn’t know: Daddy stayed with Ellie while Uncle Frank came to my room.
‘Loving’…that’s what Frank called it.
Bullshit ! That’s what the others called it!
We’d been living at Uncle Frank’s house a long time when Greg picked up what looked like an almond in the yard. I didn’t know what it was, but it was dirty and had little holes all over the shell. I got very, very sick after Greg forced me to eat it.
Several days passed and I still drifted in and out of consciousness. Daddy was afraid I’d die from such a high temperature, but he couldn’t take me to the hospital. He feared the cops would find us.
When I didn’t get any better Uncle Frank told Daddy of a ‘quack’ doctor who, for a couple of hundred bucks, would keep his mouth shut, and dug out the doctor’s number. After Daddy talked to the quack , he put me in the back seat of the car, and told his brother, “I don’t know if we’ll get back this way again anytime soon, but I’ll be thinking of ya.”
“Yeah, motherfucker.” Frank laughed. “Hey, take care of the kid.”
Ellie watched from the upstairs window. From comments she’d made while sneaking food into my room, I figured she’d be thinking how different Daddy and Uncle Frank were, yet so similar.
Daddy had been rough with her in bed, but he didn’t deliberately try to hurt her like her husband always had, successfully. I think she must’ve felt Daddy tried to be gentle with her, in
“We’ll make sure you never have to do these things, Sarah,” Ann’s soft, comforting voice promised.
I still wondered exactly what had scared Ron so badly that first day in the tent. I didn’t know if it had been because they thought I might’ve been dead, or just the change they witnessed when Ann took over. But, whatever it was, I wouldn’t ask. That would mean having to talk to them, and I didn’t want anything to do with Ron or his brothers!
Several weeks had passed when I heard the boys outside my door, snickering. I knew something was up, and the next afternoon Ron came into my room—uninvited—as usual.
I looked into his scowling face, and began to float to my safe place.
Of course, Ron thought he was talking to me, a scared little kid, when he ordered me to do it , or he’d kill me. He expected me to be so frightened I’d do whatever he said, but he didn’t know Jean had taken over right after he’d entered my room.
He was thrown for a loop when Jean gave him a cynical smile and said, “Go ahead. Kill me.”
Laughing, he left the room, only to come back moments later with a big serrated-edged fishing knife. “If you don’t do me, I’ll cut you into little pieces and feed you to the worms,” he threatened.
Jean had tried calling his bluff, but when he put the knife to her throat, she wasn’t sure. She felt being dead would be better than the hell the boys and Uncle Frank were putting them through, but when she felt the cold, steel blade, she lost her nerve.
She wanted to die, but not that way. She wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
Quiet. No mess. Peaceful.
Looking into Ron’s cold eyes, Jean began floating, and Scottie emerged.
Aye, I do this better than the girls , he thought, as Ron seized him with the hand that held the knife and pulled his pecker out with his free hand. Scottie hated Ron just as much as the girls and I did, but he too was terrified of the consequences of refusal, and did as Ron ordered.
When finished, Ron laughed sadistically. “Isn’t that better than getting cut, little bitch? Now, get out to the tent. My brothers are waiting.”
From that day on, every day and every night were the same. From my place of safety I watched in despair as they had to do what Ron said during the day, and what Uncle Frank said at night. What we didn’t know: Daddy stayed with Ellie while Uncle Frank came to my room.
‘Loving’…that’s what Frank called it.
Bullshit ! That’s what the others called it!
We’d been living at Uncle Frank’s house a long time when Greg picked up what looked like an almond in the yard. I didn’t know what it was, but it was dirty and had little holes all over the shell. I got very, very sick after Greg forced me to eat it.
Several days passed and I still drifted in and out of consciousness. Daddy was afraid I’d die from such a high temperature, but he couldn’t take me to the hospital. He feared the cops would find us.
When I didn’t get any better Uncle Frank told Daddy of a ‘quack’ doctor who, for a couple of hundred bucks, would keep his mouth shut, and dug out the doctor’s number. After Daddy talked to the quack , he put me in the back seat of the car, and told his brother, “I don’t know if we’ll get back this way again anytime soon, but I’ll be thinking of ya.”
“Yeah, motherfucker.” Frank laughed. “Hey, take care of the kid.”
Ellie watched from the upstairs window. From comments she’d made while sneaking food into my room, I figured she’d be thinking how different Daddy and Uncle Frank were, yet so similar.
Daddy had been rough with her in bed, but he didn’t deliberately try to hurt her like her husband always had, successfully. I think she must’ve felt Daddy tried to be gentle with her, in
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