BITTER MEMORIES: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival by Sue Julsen, Gary McCluskey Page A

his own way. 
    When Daddy backed out of the driveway, I’m sure she had mixed feelings. I knew she’d feel relief that I was finally free from her husband, but I also knew she’d be sad. With Daddy gone, Uncle Frank would take all his anguish out on her again.
    I saw her wipe away tears as we drove away from the house, and for once in my life, I’d found hate in my heart. I felt more hate toward Uncle Frank and his sons than I knew was possible to feel.
    I’d seen too much and, in nightmares, I’d actually felt the same gut wrenching misery my protectors had felt at the time of the abuse.
    I hoped never to go back there again.
    Moments before I fell back into unconsciousness, I heard Ann’s soft voice, whisper, “ We too found hate, Sarah. Intense hate! ”
    Driving away, the others were so glad it had finally ended. Ellie had been nice to them, but she was a victim of her abusive husband, and totally helpless. Ellie had done what she could and they appreciated her for trying.
    After we left, Daddy never talked about his brother again.
     

 
     
     
     
     
    Ten
     
     
    1957 – Washington State
     
    I was still burning up with fever, drifting in and out, when we arrived at the doctor. For once, I didn’t feel hungry or cold. Unfortunately, I was still alive. I had my guardian angel by my side, but I gave up praying to a God who didn’t listen. He wasn’t a God for kids. 
    “Annie, I think we’ve lived through the worst. No one can hurt us more than Uncle Frank and his sons, eh?”
    “I sure hope so, Scottie.”
    Following the doctor’s wife, Daddy carried me into a room set up as an exam room, and laid me on a small table. 
    “The doctor will be with you in a moment, sir.”
    “Please tell him to hurry!”
    The woman’s soothing voice, like my guardian angel’s voice, made me feel safe, and I wanted her to come back, but the next voice I heard was the doctor. 
    “What seems to be the problem?” he asked.
    “I don’t know, Doc. She just came down with this high fever and she won’t wake up for more than a few minutes at a time. Please help her! She’s all I have since her mother died.”
    “I’ll do what I can for her. What’s she had to eat in the last few days?”
    “I really don’t know. We were staying with my brother, and his wife’s a good cook, but if she ate anything the rest of us didn’t, I don’t know what it could’ve been. No one else got sick.” 
    “Hum. Well, let’s have a look. Martha, can you come in here for a minute?”
    “Yes, Doctor.”
    Ah, the soothing voice. I tried to open my eyes, but they seemed glued shut. ‘Hey guys! I can hear you talking, but I can’t see you. I have to tell you about the seed.’
    “Get some cold water and towels, Martha. We have to get this child’s temperature down, and soon. It’s a hundred and three.”
    “Yes, Doctor.” 
    Doesn’t she ever say anything else besides yes, doctor ? ‘Hey, can’t you guys hear me? I’m talking to you! Hey, listen to me! Am I invisible? Greg picked up a dirty seed from the ground and made me eat it. That’s what made me sick. The shell had little holes. Hey! Why won’t you guys listen to me?’ 
    “She’s having a lot of rapid eye movements. Must be an involuntary response, but I wonder what she’s responding to?” Opening my left eye, the doctor shined a bright light, then moved the light back and forth several times.
    Hey, Doctor! If you open my other eye, maybe I can see you. I can’t open it myself. Please open my other eye so I can see!’ 
    “Maybe she can hear us talking and it’s our voices she’s responding to. If so, then that’s a good sign. Well, in case she can hear us, you stay and talk to her while I set up an I.V. to get that temperature down.”
    “What do you want me to say to her, Doc?” Daddy asked.
    “Talk about things she likes to do; things you’ve done together. Say anything to let her know she’s in good hands. I’ll be back in a