needed to get away, before I became like these men and their old ladies, hard-nosed killers.
“I want my freedom,” I said sternly. “You all promised me I wouldn't be kept here once the Rams were gone. This clubhouse...it's been great...”
Yeah, real great. Yeah, right.
I was starting to trip on my words and I definitely didn't want Blaze to see me tearing up. Had to talk fast.
“Look, I appreciate everything you've done for me, but now I've got to go. I have to figure out my past and future. I think this where our paths are supposed to end.”
Blaze cocked his head and looked at me, a strange smirk on his lips. “You ready for that, woman?”
“Yes.”
No, no, no, my mind screamed. I stood my ground, unmoving, ignoring the needles poking at my eyes, wanting to bring the tears back whenever I pictured Stinger sleeping peacefully where I'd left him.
“Then here.” Blaze moved fast. I watched him pull out his wallet and rummage through it, plucking a handful of crisp bills and shoving them toward me.
My jaw dropped as he pressed over a thousand dollars into my hands. “No! No way. I can't take this.”
He snorted. “Pay it back when you get on your feet if it really gets under your skin. You know the fucking address here, Alice. Just take the money and go. Your info helped us. This club looks out for the boys and girls who keep it safe.”
I didn't know what to say. The next hour was a blur as I mouthed a thanks and stumbled away from the bar. Saffron was right behind, talking to Blaze, wondering what I wanted.
I'd heard those two were due to get married soon. Made me wonder if Blaze had always been a big bad bastard with a good heart, or if having Saffron as his old lady had softened him. Whatever the case, he'd given me my ticket out of there.
I vaguely remembered how to drive, but without a license, rentals and cheap clunkers were out of the question. I called a taxi instead and spent the next few days holed up in a hotel just outside town.
Winter was about to settle in over Missoula and the Bitterroot valley. I was getting out just in time, heading West. Putting some mountains and a few hundred miles between the Prairie Devils MC and myself seemed smart.
By some miracle, my emotions stayed in check all week. It didn't hit me until I actually climbed on the bus parked at the station and it took off for Coeur d'Alene.
I couldn't resist looking back at the long highway leading into town from the window, remembering how warm and strong and loving Stinger felt beneath me. Remembering his smell, his kiss, his taste...God!
Why couldn't I forget the things that hurt worse than anything the dead Rams did to me?
The bearded guy in camo several seats over stared at me like I was nuts as I broke down and covered my face. I let it all come out for several dozen miles, gasps and tears and hurt, one last bitter avalanche before I left Montana forever, trying to forget the man who would've given me everything.
V: Cold Blooded (Stinger)
Months Later
T he club's Christmas Party was a real fucking drag. I'd been looking forward to it for a couple weeks, hoping it would take my mind off the deep freeze clouding my head ever since she left, but it just did the opposite.
The brothers and supporters with their families had come and gone. Now, it was mostly just the single brothers, and the raunchy business was in full swing. I was at the bar, pouring extra Jim into my beer, ignoring the face sucking and excited gasps going on in the corner behind me.
I lost my taste for Jack the same night my appetite for fresh new pussy went out the window.
Had to switch brands of whiskey and started drinking a lot more beer since the night the Rams fucked us. Puking your guts out'll do that.
Or maybe the shit reminded me of Alice too damned much. The scent of Jack was heavy in the clubhouse the last time I saw her, before she kissed my unconscious head one last time and blew town.
I should've been in my old room railing
C. J. Cherryh
Learning to Kill: Stories
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