Bitter Farewell by Karolyn James

fingers started plucking the strings, his heart began to race. He couldn’t believe what he was playing. For a few seconds Danny was afraid to close his eyes and really enjoy the song because he thought he’d fall back in time and finally succumb to his emotions.
    In his mind he heard the words. The lyrics were terrible. They were so basic, so obvious, and painted no real picture except for whom the song was written for. And maybe that’s what made it so beautiful; the idea of a song written for someone special. It was part of the reason why Danny never brought the song to the band and it was definitely the reason why his fingers hadn’t played the song in a long time.
    A very long time.
    “That sounds good, brother, what is it?”
    Danny looked back and saw Johnnie standing with a guitar strapped to his back. Just like Johnnie used to do. He and Danny would grab a snack with their guitars on their backs and then be gone. Out for the day, the night, going anywhere they could to find a spot to practice guitar.
    “Nothing anyone should hear,” Danny said.
    “I’m serious,” Johnnie said. “That’s got a nice sound to it.”
    “I wrote it a long time ago.”
    “For someone?”
    “What do you think?”
    Johnnie stepped towards his little brother and touched his shoulder. “I think the past is sinking its teeth into you hard. And while I want to tell you you’re wrong for letting it, I can’t. It’s just the way life goes sometimes.”
    “It hurts, Johnnie,” Danny whispered. “In my gut. In my heart.”
    “I’m sure it does.”
    Danny didn’t need to explain the difference between the pain of losing his father and the pain of seeing Liv. He knew his big brother would understand it all. He always did.
    “The thing is...,” Johnnie said. He looked out the front window of the house.
    That’s when Danny took a good look at his brother. He would never tell Johnnie, but the way he looked right then, he looked like their father. But a good version of the man who created Danny and Johnnie. He had wisdom filled eyes and the stern face. A jaw of steel. A demeanor that demanded respect.
    “The thing is, little brother,” Johnnie said, “is that life can eat us alive. We’ve seen it in the band, right? The demons. The past. The worries. The doubts. We get through it together because that’s our job. And my job as your brother is to push you, yell at you, and love you. And I do. When it comes to the past, Danny, one of the two things eating at you is gone. It’s gone forever. There’s nothing you can do to change it except make sure the future doesn’t follow in the same path...”
    Johnnie then looked at Danny.
    Danny knew what his older brother meant. It was up to he and Johnnie that - when the time came - when they had families of their own, they would be great fathers, great husbands, and keep a close knit family.
    “As far as the other thing,” Johnnie said, “that part of the past is alive. I’m not sure what’s there... it may be a black hole of pain... but if that’s what it takes to find love, it’s worth all the pain in the world.”
    Danny nodded and started playing guitar again. He went back to the same song. Johnnie lingered for a few seconds and when Danny felt his older brother kiss the back of his head, he felt tears rush to his eyes. He refused to stop playing the guitar and he let the few tears fall as they may.
    A few minutes later the entire band rushed out of the house with excited aspirations as though they had just booked their first bar gig. There was a sense of innocence that surrounded Chasing Cross as they got into the black van. And even when the van started driving, everyone was happy, laughing, and Chris and Davey took out their bass and guitar and started to jam. Danny and Johnnie sang together, enjoying a beer in the back of the van, allowing reality to slip away as far as it could. Danny couldn’t sing as well as his brother but that wasn’t the point. The point was