Bingo Brown's Guide to Romance by Betsy Byars

Bingo’s Challenge
    B INGO BROWN HAD TOLD his mom that he was bored and needed new challenges, and he was now on his way to the laundromat to wash the family’s clothes.
    All his protests had been in vain.
    â€œBy new challenges, I didn’t mean wash clothes, Mom,” he had said, at first trying to be patient. His father had warned him, correctly, that women with new babies were sometimes easily irritated.
    â€œWell, you’ve never washed clothes before, have you?”
    â€œNo.”
    â€œThen it will be a new challenge.”
    â€œMom, the laundromat is right next door to Columbo’s, and my friends hang out there, eating pizza and playing video games and—”
    â€œWash the baby’s things separately and divide the rest of the clothes into piles, bright colors in one, whites and pastels in another.”
    â€œWhy don’t we just wait until the washer is fixed?” Bingo went on with reason and good humor. “I could run to K Mart and get us some underwear and Jamie some disposable diapers and—”
    â€œIf I had wanted you to run to K Mart and get underwear, I would have asked you to go to K Mart and get underwear.”
    Her nostrils flared, which was not a good sign. “I’m working tomorrow and I can’t leave the babysitter with all these dirty clothes. Look, if you don’t want to go to the laundromat, just say, ‘I don’t want to go to the laundromat.’ ”
    â€œThanks.” With a shrug of regret, he repeated, “I don’t want to go to the laundromat.”
    â€œFine! Great!” Her nostrils were so flared now that Bingo thought he caught sight of her brain. “Then go to your room for the rest of your life.”
    Faced with those two choices, Bingo manfully picked up the basket of dirty clothes.
    Now he was on his bicycle, pedaling to the King Koin Laundromat. He had a bushel basket of dirty clothes strapped on the back of the bicycle, and he had to take the long way to the laundromat so none of his friends would see his unfortunate burden.
    To pass the time, he began working on his Guide to Romance, A Record of the Personal Ups and Downs of Bingo Brown. Dedicated to My Brother, Jamie, as a Guide and Comfort to Him When He Finds Himself, as He Surely Will, upon the Roller Coaster of Life.
    Bingo was now working on the section that contained romantic problems with their solutions. Bingo was determined not to spare himself, even though many of the problems were extremely personal.
Problem #1. The Xeroxed Love Letter.
    Suppose that you have written a love letter and suppose that this love letter turns out to be the best love letter in the history of the world and suppose you want to save this letter for future generations and with this in mind, you make a Xerox of the letter and in your haste to mail the letter, you mail the Xerox of the letter. Will this take away from the warmth of the words?
    Bingo’s Answer: Yes, for I myself have been waiting for three long months for an answer to just such a Xeroxed letter.
    Bingo broke off his thoughts and cut swiftly around the back of Winn Dixie, past the dumpsters, and behind Rexall Drugs, and peered around the corner of Columbo’s Pizza. Seeing no one he knew, he pedaled quickly to the King Koin. He rode through the open doors and came to a screeching halt at the first available washing machine.
    He could not be bothered with patiently separating the clothes. If any of his friends were on their way to Columbo’s to spend a pleasant hour with the video games, just as he would like to do, and saw him with little prissy piles of clothes—pink over here, blue over here, pink with blue flowers over here … The thought caused Bingo to shudder.
    There were too many clothes for one washer, so Bingo crammed what he could in one washer, crammed the rest in the next washer. Still too many, so he put the remaining diapers into a third washer and slammed down the