the really dumb ones? But
Ashley is actually really smart. So while she’s talking fast, you can see her
mind work. Everything she says is calculated; it’s sort of puzzled out. There’s
so much information, and maybe not all of it is necessary, but she spits
everything out, and from there, you can tell how she’s truly feeling about a
situation. You can’t even consider talking while she’s doing this. It’s just
too interesting to watch. And she uses her hands a lot. That’s also adorable,
for some reason.
“So I knew how I wanted to feel about you, but these other
feelings kept popping up. I kept saying to myself ‘you hate him, you hate
him’…”
“Thanks.”
“Shut up.”
Was I supposed to say something? Was I supposed to shut up? God,
she needed to make up her mind. Women.
“And I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but if I
do have feelings for you, like more than lustful feelings, I don’t understand
why.”
I know she prefaced it with ‘and I don’t want you to take
this the wrong way’, but seriously? Of course I’m going to take it the way it
sounds, which is that I have no redeemable traits, and I’m a surface level type
of person whom no one can have a real relationship with.
Okay, she didn’t say that, but I thought it of myself enough
times to immediately jump to that conclusion.
“Because you don’t know me?”
“I don’t.”
“Do you want to?”
“Teddy,” she grabbed my hand, “sometimes I see something in
you that is so… different. It’s like you’re begging me to take you aside and
tell you it’s okay to be the person you want to be rather than the person
everyone expects you to be.”
And I thought I was a closed book…
“Let’s sit.”
“I like standing.”
“No, we need to sit.” I began to lay out the blanket.
“Can we lie down?”
“So you either want to stand or lie down, but sitting is out
of the question. You are very interesting.”
“I am very interesting.” She winked at me before falling to
the ground, and cozying herself into the perfect position to look at the stars.
I found my spot next to her, allowing the back of my hand to
touch hers. It was oddly satisfying. In that moment, it was all I needed.
You know when you’re a teenager, and you have your first
real significant other? You spend all night on the phone with them, talking
about likes, dislikes, the past, the present, the future…? That night on the
beach was the grown-up version of those all-nighter phone calls. I think you
can easily take for granted how important those times can be. It’s when you
truly learn about a person. But you also learn how excited you are to be
sharing that time with that person. Sleep is so precious. When you don’t think
twice about giving it up just for another few shared breaths with someone else,
it really means something.
At least it meant something to me.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Teddy
“Chick flicks? Really? Ashley, I thought so much more of
you.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Do my silly fairy tales not measure up to
your beat them up and kill them kind of movies?”
“Superheroes. What is wrong with superheroes?”
“It’s still fantasy! You can’t judge me for my romantic
comedies if you turn around and throw on comic book movies.”
“But comic books are awesome!”
“Since when are you a nerd?”
“Since when are you a girl?”
“Excuse me?”
“That came out wrong.”
“A little bit.”
“Okay, just please don’t tell me you’re into vampires.”
Silence.
“What? Who are you?”
“It’s not like I believe in them. It’s just that… I mean,
come on, it’s kind of sexy.”
“They eat people!”
“No they don’t! Well, not exactly, but that’s not the sexy
part.”
“Immortality?”
“Mmm, no, not that either.”
“Okay, we’re coming back to that.”
“Just like we’re coming back to the monkeys and the
Ashley is actually really smart. So while she’s talking fast, you can see her
mind work. Everything she says is calculated; it’s sort of puzzled out. There’s
so much information, and maybe not all of it is necessary, but she spits
everything out, and from there, you can tell how she’s truly feeling about a
situation. You can’t even consider talking while she’s doing this. It’s just
too interesting to watch. And she uses her hands a lot. That’s also adorable,
for some reason.
“So I knew how I wanted to feel about you, but these other
feelings kept popping up. I kept saying to myself ‘you hate him, you hate
him’…”
“Thanks.”
“Shut up.”
Was I supposed to say something? Was I supposed to shut up? God,
she needed to make up her mind. Women.
“And I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but if I
do have feelings for you, like more than lustful feelings, I don’t understand
why.”
I know she prefaced it with ‘and I don’t want you to take
this the wrong way’, but seriously? Of course I’m going to take it the way it
sounds, which is that I have no redeemable traits, and I’m a surface level type
of person whom no one can have a real relationship with.
Okay, she didn’t say that, but I thought it of myself enough
times to immediately jump to that conclusion.
“Because you don’t know me?”
“I don’t.”
“Do you want to?”
“Teddy,” she grabbed my hand, “sometimes I see something in
you that is so… different. It’s like you’re begging me to take you aside and
tell you it’s okay to be the person you want to be rather than the person
everyone expects you to be.”
And I thought I was a closed book…
“Let’s sit.”
“I like standing.”
“No, we need to sit.” I began to lay out the blanket.
“Can we lie down?”
“So you either want to stand or lie down, but sitting is out
of the question. You are very interesting.”
“I am very interesting.” She winked at me before falling to
the ground, and cozying herself into the perfect position to look at the stars.
I found my spot next to her, allowing the back of my hand to
touch hers. It was oddly satisfying. In that moment, it was all I needed.
You know when you’re a teenager, and you have your first
real significant other? You spend all night on the phone with them, talking
about likes, dislikes, the past, the present, the future…? That night on the
beach was the grown-up version of those all-nighter phone calls. I think you
can easily take for granted how important those times can be. It’s when you
truly learn about a person. But you also learn how excited you are to be
sharing that time with that person. Sleep is so precious. When you don’t think
twice about giving it up just for another few shared breaths with someone else,
it really means something.
At least it meant something to me.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Teddy
“Chick flicks? Really? Ashley, I thought so much more of
you.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Do my silly fairy tales not measure up to
your beat them up and kill them kind of movies?”
“Superheroes. What is wrong with superheroes?”
“It’s still fantasy! You can’t judge me for my romantic
comedies if you turn around and throw on comic book movies.”
“But comic books are awesome!”
“Since when are you a nerd?”
“Since when are you a girl?”
“Excuse me?”
“That came out wrong.”
“A little bit.”
“Okay, just please don’t tell me you’re into vampires.”
Silence.
“What? Who are you?”
“It’s not like I believe in them. It’s just that… I mean,
come on, it’s kind of sexy.”
“They eat people!”
“No they don’t! Well, not exactly, but that’s not the sexy
part.”
“Immortality?”
“Mmm, no, not that either.”
“Okay, we’re coming back to that.”
“Just like we’re coming back to the monkeys and the
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