Beyond Tantra: Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex by Mieke Wik, Stephan Wik Page B

is a gate that needs to be gently unlocked from the inside before it opens.
    Man: Move both of your hands down and start to gently massage the thighs and upper legs of your partner, keeping both hands in contact with your partner’s body at all times. Try to sense where any tension or stiffness might be and give a little bit of gentle extra attention to try and loosen up any knots. Tip: to loosen up a knot, it’s better to repeat one gentle stroke twenty times than to give a single hard squeeze. It’s important that you use movements that are relaxing and soothing at all times. Watch your partner’s face even when she has her eyes

    tantrapp 16/7/05 5:30 pm Page 83
    Yoni Massage Exercise
    83
    closed. If she winces or frowns, that’s a pretty good indication that you need to be a bit gentler. Continue massaging for five minutes or so or until you feel that her legs and thighs are loose and relaxed.
    Woman: If your partner does something that is uncomfortable, give positive, directional feedback. The massage is all about generating nice, pleasant sensations. You can help your partner do this by telling him exactly what you need.
    STAGE 4: APPROACH YONI AND ASK PERMISSION
    Why would a man ask for permission to touch his partner, especially if they are in a long-term, committed relationship? Well, many women have had less-than-respectful experiences of men touching their bodies. This can have taken the form of unwanted or uninvited sexual touching or touch that was too hard or rough. It also happens that a woman wants to be touched but has not been completely clear about exactly what is, and what is not, OK. The man proceeds, does the ‘wrong’ thing and both the man and the woman end up feeling unhappy and less trusting.
    One way to undo the damage that these kinds of experiences have created is for a man to demonstrate, clearly and openly, that he respects the women he is with. Asking for permission is a pretty unequivocal way of doing this. A simple but powerful acknowledgement and invitation from a woman is also, for many men, quite a wonderful experience. Certainly for me, after years of thinking incorrectly that Mieke didn’t really like me touching her, it was a revolutionary step. There is power in words, and power in a clear, open and committed ‘Yes’.
    What this exchange does is gives the woman a chance to say ‘Yes’.
    This also gives her the chance to say ‘could I have bit more leg massage first, please?’ or ‘I think that’s enough for this session. Maybe we could wait for the next one to go further. I would like that.’ It’s very important when a woman does say ‘Yes’ that she means it. This exercise is all about building trust at a very deep level both between a man and a woman and inside each one of them as well.
    So how do you build trust in a body? As mentioned above, many women have at some time in their life experienced sexual touching in a way that was not relaxed and enjoyable. As a result, what can be called ‘protective armour’ has been created in the muscles around their Yonis, which actually de-sensitizes the entire area. When a man approaches Yoni with gentleness and respect he is telling his partner’s body that ‘things are different now, you can relax and allow yourself to feel’.
    Once she starts to relax and trust, he can begin to tease forth Sexual Qi. The idea is not to stimulate a woman strongly and have Sexual Qi blast through but instead to let it build gently. The end result is, amazingly enough, a far stronger

    tantrapp 16/7/05 5:30 pm Page 84
    84
    Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex and sustained generation of Sexual Qi than would be achieved by simply applying strong stimulation directly to the clitoris. Many men find this difficult to do as they may find that they are goal-oriented and wanting to ‘get on with it’. I found that if I played a little game with myself called ‘Twice as Long, Half as Much’ it worked wonders. What you do is,