Becoming Sister Wives: The Story of an Unconventional Marriage by Kody Brown, Meri Brown, Janelle Brown, Christine Brown, Robyn Brown Page B

need people around you,” my mother explained. She knew, without my telling her, how much I was struggling inside.
    My parents were completely right—instead of wallowing in a hotel by myself, I needed to be surrounded by family and friends. Despite my sadness, I managed to enjoy myself, which was really important because it made the week pass more quickly. Kody called me every day to check in and to tell me that he loved me.
    When Janelle entered the family, Kody and I were still starry-eyed regarding the principle of plural marriage—and marriage in general—so we had no idea how to prepare for the emotional and domestic reality of our new situation. I guess we just assumed that after Kody and Janelle got married and went on their honeymoon, the three of us would live in one house as a big, happy family, and everything would go back to normal. Neither Kody nor I anticipated the need to change our behavior when Janelle came into the house. We didn’t consider how he might have to balance the relationship he had with me with the one he was developing with Janelle. I never took the time to think about how I should open up my space—both physical and emotional—to accommodate a new wife.
    I felt as if I was welcoming to Janelle, but I didn’t realize at the time how different our personalities could be. We all moved into a new house about the time of Janelle’s wedding, so I didn’t feel like it was my house, but our house. When we were deciding who would get what bedroom, I offered Janelle the master bedroom, thinking it might be something special to have as a newlywed, while I took the small bedroom at the back of the house. I didn’t realize then that Janelle wasn’t the type to speak up for what she needed, so I don’t know whether this was something that was important to her, or even appreciated. I assumed that Janelle would feel free to behave with Kody the same way I waswith him, and I didn’t realize I needed to change my behavior sometimes as well.
    The biggest mistake we made when we married Janelle was us all moving into a house together and not giving Janelle and me the space we needed to develop and nurture our own relationships with Kody. Having us all in the same house brought Janelle face-to-face on a daily basis with the romantic relationship Kody and I had. We were too naive to hide our affection for each other from Janelle, and I’m afraid to say that she was confronted by it regularly, which I’m sure was both painful and awkward. At times, Kody and I would hold hands or hug each other in front of Janelle, leaving her in what was probably a very uncomfortable situation.
    Although Janelle is by no means as physically affectionate a person as I am, it was not healthy or fair for her to see the affection I shared with Kody. I’m sure this led to hard feelings toward me. Living together from the start ultimately shortchanged the three relationships we were trying to develop and maintain.
    Another reason that Kody and Janelle had difficulties laying the foundation for their marriage during that first year was that they were essentially living under a veil of secrecy. Kody was simply unable to acknowledge Janelle as his wife outside of our church community.
    We were very quiet and private when it came to our family life, which I’m sure didn’t help Janelle feel secure in her position in the family. When we went out together somewhere other than church associations, we always introduced Janelle as Kody’s sister. I remember on more than one occasion that Kody, Janelle, and I had a conversation about how to explain who Janelle was. Kody and I already lived and worked in the small community in Wyoming when Janelle joined the family, so it was Janelle whom we felt we needed to explain. Looking back, I realize it wasn’t fair to Kody and Janelle’s relationship to refer to her as his sister.Since Janelle’s mom was married to Kody’s dad, it seemed to be a reasonable explanation, and it always