Becoming Me by Melody Carlson Page A

God, and refusing to worry about what Jenny and herclique may or may not be saying) I go down to the girls’ locker room with Beanie and I’m sort of rejoicing that I made it through this day. And so we get all dressed down for track and jog out to the field, where it’s sunny and nice, and who’s the first person I see warming up on the track?
    None other than Josh Miller, all ready for practice. (It turns out he’s on the track team but had been out of town during spring break!) Well, my eyes just about popped out of my head when I saw him there stretching out his calf muscles. My first instinct was to just quit the team, right then and there. In fact, I actually froze in my steps, turned around, and started to head straight back to the locker room. But Beanie chased me down, and with the help of Zach (who was just coming out), they managed to talk me out of quitting.
    So they walked me over to the high jump pit (like I was crippled or something) and there the two of them stuck by my side, practically holding my hand, until I regained enough composure to start doing some warm-ups. Naturally, Zach didn’t know anything about what had gone on between Josh and me, and so Beanie quickly gave him the lowdown. Then Zach informed us that Josh was Harrison High’s star runner. (Or rather, had been for the past few years, but it seemed that a certain newcomer from Seattle planned on giving that Miller boy a run for his money!) Since starting high school, neither Beanie nor I had ever paid that much attention to the track team, so this was news to us.
    Now I’m thinking maybe it’s a good thing that I didn’t know, for I never would’ve joined the team. Even now, I’m almost wishing that I hadn’t. But like Beanie says, “It’s not fair to let a selfish, two-timing boy frighten you away from something that you really want to do.” I do want to stay on the team, and by the end of last week my jumping had really improved, Coach Reynolds even said so. I just wish Josh Miller would suddenly sprain an ankle or something (okay, that’s probably wrong of me, but I just wish he didn’t have to be around to spoil everything for me!). And just when it seemed I was getting over him. Will I ever get over him?
    DEAR GOD, PLEASE HELP ME. I WANT TO FORGET THAT I EVER CARED FOR JOSH MILLER. BUT I THINK I’M GOING TO NEED SOME EXTRA HELP. CAN YOU PLEASE LEND A HAND?
March 29, Thursday (judge not?)
    A weird thing happened tonight. I’m still not sure what it all means, but I know I need to give it some more thought. It all started when Zach took Beanie and me to the mall after practice tonight. (Beanie and I had decided we needed to get new track shoes for our first meet, which is tomorrow, by the way).
    And since (only by the grace of God, I’m sure) I’ve managed to stay on the track team without having to actually speak to Josh (although I’m pretty sure I caught him looking at me at least twice). Somehow that makes me feel slightly better to know that he’s looking, becausethen I get some satisfaction out of completely ignoring him. It might not be the nicest thing to do, but under the circumstances, I think it’s somewhat understandable. But let me get to the weird thing that happened tonight.
    After Beanie and I bought our shoes (Zach, by the way, was very knowledgeable in helping us make the best choices), we decided to grab a pizza at this new place right next to the mall (we figured we’d start storing up our carbos for tomorrow’s meet, and I still had a few bucks from my dad, so I offered to treat). So, we’re all sitting happily in a booth, and I happen to look up and see my dad sitting just a couple booths away, but he doesn’t notice me.
    Well, I figure the proper thing would be to get up to go say hello. After all, he and Mom seemed to have had a pretty good time on their “date” last weekend. And he’s been calling her every night. I’m walking over there and he looks up and sees me, but he gets this