Steve’s drug sniffing dog, Brutus. He’s going to be spending the week with me.”
“Okay, let me know if I can help.”
“I will; thank you. Will you please grace me with one of your incredible, marvelous, most amazing double espressos?”
“Sure, the usual-double shot of espresso with soy milk?”
“Yep, except how adding some mint mocha syrup?”
“You got it.”
“Brutus, we’re heading out on a retrieval. Do we need to find a patch of grass for you before we head out?”
“I wouldn’t mind doing a few laps around Green Lake. I’m sure I could find something tasty to sniff.”
“Sorry, but that’s going to have to wait until we get back. There’s a message from one of my mom’s really wealthy friends, Mr. Charleston, about his missing French Poodle. You’ll need to stay in the car while I talk to him. He’s a little eccentric, I’m not sure why but he talks with a fake french accent. And he has severe allergies to animals; that’s why he has a poodle. It’s the only pet he’s ever had that doesn’t make him ill. We’re here; I’ve always loved this area of Seattle. From Beacon Hill you can see downtown Seattle, the Industrial District, Elliott Bay, First Hill, Rainier Valley, and, when the weather is good, Mount Rainier and the Olympic Mountains. Where else can you get that kind of view?”
“It is a pretty great view and wow, this guy lives in a mansion.”
“I told you he’s really wealthy. He invented the Invisible Fence thirty--eight years ago and it doesn’t matter how many times I meet him he always says the same thing about his invention—‘More smiles & wagging tails—less anxiety’.”
“Maybe for the owners, but that fence zaps the shit out of you if you get to close.”
“I believe that’s the idea Brutus. I’ll be right back, he’s not very chatty, and he’ll want to talk about getting his poodle back.”
“Good morning Mr. Charleston. I hear Molly wandered off again.”
“Yes, please come in out of the cold my dear. Molly is such a hussy, I’m afraid she might have run away with that scoundrel Duke Harrington who lives four houses down. I wish they’d take away his manhood and then Molly wouldn’t be attracted to him.”
“Have you ever considered having her spayed? She might lose interest in the Duke if you do.”
“I can’t do that to her. What if it changed her personality? I can’t risk it.”
“Okay Mr. Charleston, I know her usual haunts, it shouldn’t take me to long to find her.”
“Thank you very much my dear.”
“That was quick, how did it go?”
“Oh, he’s as loony as a fruit cake but I’ve known him forever and I’m pretty sure I know where Molly is. Let’s head on over to the airport strip, it’s only a ten minute drive from here.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me? She’s lives in a mansion and she spends her time on the SeaTac airport strip doing the dirty deed?”
“I know, I don’t get it either; she’s probably humping in some grimy back alley. Stay in the car while I go look for her; I hope it’s not too late.”
~~~~~
“Molly, what have you done?”
“A lot—and many times. This time I think I’m going to have twins with the Duke and Mr. Charleston can’t stop me.”
“ Mr. Charleston adores you; why do you keep running away?”
“Corny, I’m horny all the time.”
“Get into my car and stay away from Brutus, you hussy.”
~~~~~
“Oh thank you Corny, you found Molly. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
“Mr. Charleston, you need to take her to the vet and if she isn’t already pregnant you need to get her spayed. Promise me you will.”
“Okay dear, I promise. I had a question for you before you leave though. Do you think I can bill my insurance company for your services?”
“I think veterinary insurance only pays for services like fur ball and skin tag removals, not pet retrievals, but it doesn’t hurt to try.”
“Brutus, what am I going to do with the rich and
“Okay, let me know if I can help.”
“I will; thank you. Will you please grace me with one of your incredible, marvelous, most amazing double espressos?”
“Sure, the usual-double shot of espresso with soy milk?”
“Yep, except how adding some mint mocha syrup?”
“You got it.”
“Brutus, we’re heading out on a retrieval. Do we need to find a patch of grass for you before we head out?”
“I wouldn’t mind doing a few laps around Green Lake. I’m sure I could find something tasty to sniff.”
“Sorry, but that’s going to have to wait until we get back. There’s a message from one of my mom’s really wealthy friends, Mr. Charleston, about his missing French Poodle. You’ll need to stay in the car while I talk to him. He’s a little eccentric, I’m not sure why but he talks with a fake french accent. And he has severe allergies to animals; that’s why he has a poodle. It’s the only pet he’s ever had that doesn’t make him ill. We’re here; I’ve always loved this area of Seattle. From Beacon Hill you can see downtown Seattle, the Industrial District, Elliott Bay, First Hill, Rainier Valley, and, when the weather is good, Mount Rainier and the Olympic Mountains. Where else can you get that kind of view?”
“It is a pretty great view and wow, this guy lives in a mansion.”
“I told you he’s really wealthy. He invented the Invisible Fence thirty--eight years ago and it doesn’t matter how many times I meet him he always says the same thing about his invention—‘More smiles & wagging tails—less anxiety’.”
“Maybe for the owners, but that fence zaps the shit out of you if you get to close.”
“I believe that’s the idea Brutus. I’ll be right back, he’s not very chatty, and he’ll want to talk about getting his poodle back.”
“Good morning Mr. Charleston. I hear Molly wandered off again.”
“Yes, please come in out of the cold my dear. Molly is such a hussy, I’m afraid she might have run away with that scoundrel Duke Harrington who lives four houses down. I wish they’d take away his manhood and then Molly wouldn’t be attracted to him.”
“Have you ever considered having her spayed? She might lose interest in the Duke if you do.”
“I can’t do that to her. What if it changed her personality? I can’t risk it.”
“Okay Mr. Charleston, I know her usual haunts, it shouldn’t take me to long to find her.”
“Thank you very much my dear.”
“That was quick, how did it go?”
“Oh, he’s as loony as a fruit cake but I’ve known him forever and I’m pretty sure I know where Molly is. Let’s head on over to the airport strip, it’s only a ten minute drive from here.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me? She’s lives in a mansion and she spends her time on the SeaTac airport strip doing the dirty deed?”
“I know, I don’t get it either; she’s probably humping in some grimy back alley. Stay in the car while I go look for her; I hope it’s not too late.”
~~~~~
“Molly, what have you done?”
“A lot—and many times. This time I think I’m going to have twins with the Duke and Mr. Charleston can’t stop me.”
“ Mr. Charleston adores you; why do you keep running away?”
“Corny, I’m horny all the time.”
“Get into my car and stay away from Brutus, you hussy.”
~~~~~
“Oh thank you Corny, you found Molly. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
“Mr. Charleston, you need to take her to the vet and if she isn’t already pregnant you need to get her spayed. Promise me you will.”
“Okay dear, I promise. I had a question for you before you leave though. Do you think I can bill my insurance company for your services?”
“I think veterinary insurance only pays for services like fur ball and skin tag removals, not pet retrievals, but it doesn’t hurt to try.”
“Brutus, what am I going to do with the rich and
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