for me to do so. The entire time was spent with her on my mind. I’d checked my phone a dozen times, but she never even fucking called to apologize. That just pissed me off even more.
I heard all this shit last night. Tina’s repeating herself like a broken record. Alex, why didn’t you tell her the truth? I could have told her, why did you not want me to? I know you, Al; you love her. When are you going to stop lying to yourself?
That last statement sent a shiver up my spine. Love a woman who isn’t Tina? I’m not sure I know how. She’s family. Shit, we’ve spent so many nights on the same bed. The idea of fucking her feels incestuous and just wrong. We have a bond that can never be broken.
I get up and follow her to the kitchen as she exits the bathroom. “I’m out of it. It feels like a big relief,” I say as I stretch, wondering when I turned to a fucking sheep. I am such a wimp, what is wrong with me?
She laughs. “So, why does your face look like you ate a sour grape?”
She holds my hand and leads me back into the bedroom in front of the mirror. I look at my face and the reality kicks in that I never slept last night. The idea that I would go home and Mia wouldn’t be there weighed on me like a ton of fucking bricks; no one to bitch to about the people at work. Tina’s in a relationship, officially. It’s not like we can carry on like this. It was obvious that Carl wanted to come home with her and she told him that I needed to stay. I can’t have people feeling sorry for me. I need to get my shit together and move on. I’m supposed to be the fucking cold, hard stallion women love, but right now I feel like a slave to my own emotions.
No matter how many different ways I try to convince myself, I come up with the same answer. She’s right. I’m kidding myself. I need to go back home and hope that Mia’s still there. If not, I need to beg her to come back.
***
T he penthouse feels so cold and empty. I don’t even know if she’s here. Tina gave me a pep talk about the joys of being in love and how much I need it, but most of all I need Mia.
For once the hard emotionless Alex is warm and tender. It suits you. You need love. You can’t keep living like this.
That was the last thing Tina said to me before pushing me out the door, sending me home to finally come to terms with my emotions.
The truth is, I’m not getting any younger. I definitely don’t want to end up like the sixty-year-old men in the club, chasing the same fucking young women night after night. This is the path I’m going down if I don’t change. I pick up the pace as I go from the living room, to the kitchen, to the bedroom. I pause at my bedroom door when I see her sitting on the edge of the bed with the same air of innocence as the first day I met her, the same innocence I wanted to fuck, and the same innocence I fell in love with.
“Mia, I’m—”
I move towards her and kneel in front of her.
“I told you my story about Nathan. I thought you would know the last thing I needed was for you to cheat. Do you know how hard it is to put yourself back out there after something like that?”
She is holding my head, running her fingers gently through my hair.
“You act like this big tough guy, but deep down there is more to you than that. I know this is new to you. I shouldn't have been so dramatic. I was acting like a big baby.”
The temptation to turn it round and let her know that I don´t take that kind of shit all the time was strong.
“I know; Tina called and told me everything.”
“I may be new to a relationship, but from what I’ve heard, communication is a big part of it. You should have talked to me, not accused me.”
“You’re right. We both did things we shouldn’t have, I shouldn´t have walked away like that. I should have listened, but then you shouldn’t have flipped out like that. You fucking scared me.”
I’m at a loss for words. I don’t even have
I heard all this shit last night. Tina’s repeating herself like a broken record. Alex, why didn’t you tell her the truth? I could have told her, why did you not want me to? I know you, Al; you love her. When are you going to stop lying to yourself?
That last statement sent a shiver up my spine. Love a woman who isn’t Tina? I’m not sure I know how. She’s family. Shit, we’ve spent so many nights on the same bed. The idea of fucking her feels incestuous and just wrong. We have a bond that can never be broken.
I get up and follow her to the kitchen as she exits the bathroom. “I’m out of it. It feels like a big relief,” I say as I stretch, wondering when I turned to a fucking sheep. I am such a wimp, what is wrong with me?
She laughs. “So, why does your face look like you ate a sour grape?”
She holds my hand and leads me back into the bedroom in front of the mirror. I look at my face and the reality kicks in that I never slept last night. The idea that I would go home and Mia wouldn’t be there weighed on me like a ton of fucking bricks; no one to bitch to about the people at work. Tina’s in a relationship, officially. It’s not like we can carry on like this. It was obvious that Carl wanted to come home with her and she told him that I needed to stay. I can’t have people feeling sorry for me. I need to get my shit together and move on. I’m supposed to be the fucking cold, hard stallion women love, but right now I feel like a slave to my own emotions.
No matter how many different ways I try to convince myself, I come up with the same answer. She’s right. I’m kidding myself. I need to go back home and hope that Mia’s still there. If not, I need to beg her to come back.
***
T he penthouse feels so cold and empty. I don’t even know if she’s here. Tina gave me a pep talk about the joys of being in love and how much I need it, but most of all I need Mia.
For once the hard emotionless Alex is warm and tender. It suits you. You need love. You can’t keep living like this.
That was the last thing Tina said to me before pushing me out the door, sending me home to finally come to terms with my emotions.
The truth is, I’m not getting any younger. I definitely don’t want to end up like the sixty-year-old men in the club, chasing the same fucking young women night after night. This is the path I’m going down if I don’t change. I pick up the pace as I go from the living room, to the kitchen, to the bedroom. I pause at my bedroom door when I see her sitting on the edge of the bed with the same air of innocence as the first day I met her, the same innocence I wanted to fuck, and the same innocence I fell in love with.
“Mia, I’m—”
I move towards her and kneel in front of her.
“I told you my story about Nathan. I thought you would know the last thing I needed was for you to cheat. Do you know how hard it is to put yourself back out there after something like that?”
She is holding my head, running her fingers gently through my hair.
“You act like this big tough guy, but deep down there is more to you than that. I know this is new to you. I shouldn't have been so dramatic. I was acting like a big baby.”
The temptation to turn it round and let her know that I don´t take that kind of shit all the time was strong.
“I know; Tina called and told me everything.”
“I may be new to a relationship, but from what I’ve heard, communication is a big part of it. You should have talked to me, not accused me.”
“You’re right. We both did things we shouldn’t have, I shouldn´t have walked away like that. I should have listened, but then you shouldn’t have flipped out like that. You fucking scared me.”
I’m at a loss for words. I don’t even have
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