my periodic-table robe and walked down the hall to my bedroom. My brother was hunched in front of my dresser, pawing through my underwear drawer. And for a minute I had actually started to like him.
“Jonah!” I shut the door behind me, because I didn’t want Dad to overhear. He was on the alert already, and if I had to say the words “My brother touched my panties” aloud, I’d lose it. “What are you doing?”
He whirled around. My favorite panties, with I ♥ SCIENCE printed on the butt, fell out of his hand and onto his foot. I was never going to be able to wear them again.
“You stole my elf ear,” he said, waving a pitiful piece of latex at me.
“What?”
“Ear thief. Anatomical kleptomaniac. Body-part pilferer.”
“Oh yeah? Well, you happen to be wrong. I don’t steal ears. I steal fing—”
I snapped my mouth shut.
“You steal what?” Jonah asked.
“Nothing.” I muttered. “Get your hands off my underwear.”
He put the ear in his pocket and slammed my dresser drawer shut. I knew it had been too good to last. He’d worn those stupid elf ears everywhere for an entire year; I’d had to take action before he started high school and I became known as the elf boy’s older sister. Because really, I was geeky enough without my brother adding to it. The ear had been in the back of my underwear drawer forabout four months. All my undies smelled like rubber, but it was a small price to pay for an elf-free reputation.
“You know what? I forgive you, even if it was a cruddy thing to do. I don’t want to fight with you, Kate.” He held his hands up, like an empty placating gesture was going to make up for the fact that his hands had just been on my underthings. “I was just looking for it.”
“And you thought your ear might be inside your sister’s underwear? You. Are. A. Freak.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” he snapped.
“Well, if your pronoun had an antecedent, I might have some idea what you’re talking about. And you’re still a freak.”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” he said, edging closer to me. My panties slid off his foot. I was going to have to burn the contents of that entire drawer and buy all new underwear. “I was looking for the zombie foot. I thought maybe you’d put it in the dresser while you were in the shower. Where’d you hide it?”
“The foot? Oh crap!”
The delightful, relaxed postshower feeling evaporated immediately. We were back to full-on panic mode.
“Kate, you’re killing me here.” He folded his arms. “I want to know everything. How did you find out about the zombies? Did you know before we ran into Coach? His foot just fell off by itself, didn’t it?” Then he let out some weird snort-cackle combo. “I totally can’t believe my sister is a kick-butt zombie hunter. Wait till I tell the guys!”
“Jonah, you can’t tell anyone I stole a foot,” I hissed. “I’ll get arrested.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” His face fell momentarily, but nothing was going to rain on his undead parade. “Well, can’t I see the foot one more time? Come on. I didn’t really get to look at it before.”
I rubbed my head. “I think I left it downstairs. On the table. With Dad.”
“You forgot the foot?” Jonah grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, as if scrambling my brains was going to help anything. “How could you?”
“Jonah, I was attacked by zombies twice today. I had a seizure, and now I’ve got the beginnings of a monster migraine. So excuse me if I’m a little discombobulated.” I couldn’t believe I was justifying myself to my brother. “Like you were any better? You practically advertised the fact that we ran someone over with the car. Why not take him outside and offer to show him the skid marks while you’re at it?”
He frowned. “Well, we can stand here and yell at each other until Dad finds the foot and decides we’re grave robbers, or we can do something about it. When
“Jonah!” I shut the door behind me, because I didn’t want Dad to overhear. He was on the alert already, and if I had to say the words “My brother touched my panties” aloud, I’d lose it. “What are you doing?”
He whirled around. My favorite panties, with I ♥ SCIENCE printed on the butt, fell out of his hand and onto his foot. I was never going to be able to wear them again.
“You stole my elf ear,” he said, waving a pitiful piece of latex at me.
“What?”
“Ear thief. Anatomical kleptomaniac. Body-part pilferer.”
“Oh yeah? Well, you happen to be wrong. I don’t steal ears. I steal fing—”
I snapped my mouth shut.
“You steal what?” Jonah asked.
“Nothing.” I muttered. “Get your hands off my underwear.”
He put the ear in his pocket and slammed my dresser drawer shut. I knew it had been too good to last. He’d worn those stupid elf ears everywhere for an entire year; I’d had to take action before he started high school and I became known as the elf boy’s older sister. Because really, I was geeky enough without my brother adding to it. The ear had been in the back of my underwear drawer forabout four months. All my undies smelled like rubber, but it was a small price to pay for an elf-free reputation.
“You know what? I forgive you, even if it was a cruddy thing to do. I don’t want to fight with you, Kate.” He held his hands up, like an empty placating gesture was going to make up for the fact that his hands had just been on my underthings. “I was just looking for it.”
“And you thought your ear might be inside your sister’s underwear? You. Are. A. Freak.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” he snapped.
“Well, if your pronoun had an antecedent, I might have some idea what you’re talking about. And you’re still a freak.”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” he said, edging closer to me. My panties slid off his foot. I was going to have to burn the contents of that entire drawer and buy all new underwear. “I was looking for the zombie foot. I thought maybe you’d put it in the dresser while you were in the shower. Where’d you hide it?”
“The foot? Oh crap!”
The delightful, relaxed postshower feeling evaporated immediately. We were back to full-on panic mode.
“Kate, you’re killing me here.” He folded his arms. “I want to know everything. How did you find out about the zombies? Did you know before we ran into Coach? His foot just fell off by itself, didn’t it?” Then he let out some weird snort-cackle combo. “I totally can’t believe my sister is a kick-butt zombie hunter. Wait till I tell the guys!”
“Jonah, you can’t tell anyone I stole a foot,” I hissed. “I’ll get arrested.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” His face fell momentarily, but nothing was going to rain on his undead parade. “Well, can’t I see the foot one more time? Come on. I didn’t really get to look at it before.”
I rubbed my head. “I think I left it downstairs. On the table. With Dad.”
“You forgot the foot?” Jonah grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, as if scrambling my brains was going to help anything. “How could you?”
“Jonah, I was attacked by zombies twice today. I had a seizure, and now I’ve got the beginnings of a monster migraine. So excuse me if I’m a little discombobulated.” I couldn’t believe I was justifying myself to my brother. “Like you were any better? You practically advertised the fact that we ran someone over with the car. Why not take him outside and offer to show him the skid marks while you’re at it?”
He frowned. “Well, we can stand here and yell at each other until Dad finds the foot and decides we’re grave robbers, or we can do something about it. When
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