all of my roommate’s clothes. The only thing that I left there were my tampons, and they were stolen from a restaurant.
I opened the door to my old bedroom and took a huge leap into the air to plop onto my waterbed. I couldn’t wait for my body to jiggle on it. I hit the bed hard.
“Ouch!” That wasn’t what I was expecting. My mother had put a box spring mattress in place of my waterbed mattress to make it appear there was still a bed there.
Who does that?
My sisters JoJo and Amy, who were still living in the house, ran into my room, excited I was home. JoJo squeaked with joy: “Can I have your fake ID?” Followed by Amy: “Can you teach me how to smoke a joint?”
Spoken like true Catholic schoolgirls.
I responded, “No and no. I need my fake ID, and Amy, I’m pretty sure I smoked myself sober. I don’t want anything to do with it.”
“I can’t believe you’re moving back in. Don’t you feel like a loser?”
“Yes, thank you. You guys are so awesome. You always know what to say to make me feel better. How’s Dad doing?”
“He’s working three jobs. Tuition at McAuley is killing him,” said JoJo.
My heart sank.
“I feel so bad. He works hard for all of us to get great educations and you two are asking for my fake ID and wanting to learn how to smoke pot while I just ran from the cops. He would be so proud.”
I plopped back on my bed, forgetting it was a box spring. “Ouch! Damn it! I’ve got to figure out a way to get us all out of here. I can’t live like this anymore.”
“Well, hurry up and think quick. Christmas is a few weeks away and none of us got anything for Mom and Dad.”
“Let me think, let me think … Hmm … Got it!”
D ing-dong . An old lady opened her front door and smiled. JoJo, Amy, and I began singing, “We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.”
I then held out my hand. The old lady smiled with delight and shouted, “Christmas carolers! Let me get you some money.”
My sisters and I high-fived each other as the old lady came back with her purse. She dug inside for a good minute and handed me a quarter. “Merry Christmas, girls!” she exclaimed, and then shut the door.
“It’s going to take us forever to make money,” Amy said.
“Well then, let’s start moving,” I said.
Ding-dong .
“Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say, ‘Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?’”
“Oh, girls, thank you for that song. You are such sweet carolers. Merry Christmas!” And she closed the door.
“She totally stiffed us!” said JoJo.
Ding-dong .
“You know Dancer and Prancer … um …”
Amy tried to cover the confusion. “Donner and Blitzen, Comet and Cupid and … um …”
SLAM .
“Shit,” I whispered.
We hit about thirty more homes and counted five bucks. Amy and JoJo were losing steam and bitching like brats.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Amy said.
JoJo joined in. “My toes are frozen. It’s like thirty below outside.”
“Don’t be stupid,” I said. “It’s, like, five degrees outside.”
I went to the next house and walked up the stairs. My shivering finger hit the doorbell and a man answered.
“O holy night …”
I was waiting for my sisters to chime in with me, but I heard nothing. I turned around and saw that they had completely ditched me. I turned back around, realizing I was doing a solo performance.
“… the stars are brightly shining …”
SLAM .
“Damn it!” I whispered. I couldn’t believe my sisters ditched me.
My voice is pretty awful by myself, but I was determined to make quick tax-free cash without doing anything illegal anymore. So off I went to the next
I opened the door to my old bedroom and took a huge leap into the air to plop onto my waterbed. I couldn’t wait for my body to jiggle on it. I hit the bed hard.
“Ouch!” That wasn’t what I was expecting. My mother had put a box spring mattress in place of my waterbed mattress to make it appear there was still a bed there.
Who does that?
My sisters JoJo and Amy, who were still living in the house, ran into my room, excited I was home. JoJo squeaked with joy: “Can I have your fake ID?” Followed by Amy: “Can you teach me how to smoke a joint?”
Spoken like true Catholic schoolgirls.
I responded, “No and no. I need my fake ID, and Amy, I’m pretty sure I smoked myself sober. I don’t want anything to do with it.”
“I can’t believe you’re moving back in. Don’t you feel like a loser?”
“Yes, thank you. You guys are so awesome. You always know what to say to make me feel better. How’s Dad doing?”
“He’s working three jobs. Tuition at McAuley is killing him,” said JoJo.
My heart sank.
“I feel so bad. He works hard for all of us to get great educations and you two are asking for my fake ID and wanting to learn how to smoke pot while I just ran from the cops. He would be so proud.”
I plopped back on my bed, forgetting it was a box spring. “Ouch! Damn it! I’ve got to figure out a way to get us all out of here. I can’t live like this anymore.”
“Well, hurry up and think quick. Christmas is a few weeks away and none of us got anything for Mom and Dad.”
“Let me think, let me think … Hmm … Got it!”
D ing-dong . An old lady opened her front door and smiled. JoJo, Amy, and I began singing, “We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.”
I then held out my hand. The old lady smiled with delight and shouted, “Christmas carolers! Let me get you some money.”
My sisters and I high-fived each other as the old lady came back with her purse. She dug inside for a good minute and handed me a quarter. “Merry Christmas, girls!” she exclaimed, and then shut the door.
“It’s going to take us forever to make money,” Amy said.
“Well then, let’s start moving,” I said.
Ding-dong .
“Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say, ‘Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?’”
“Oh, girls, thank you for that song. You are such sweet carolers. Merry Christmas!” And she closed the door.
“She totally stiffed us!” said JoJo.
Ding-dong .
“You know Dancer and Prancer … um …”
Amy tried to cover the confusion. “Donner and Blitzen, Comet and Cupid and … um …”
SLAM .
“Shit,” I whispered.
We hit about thirty more homes and counted five bucks. Amy and JoJo were losing steam and bitching like brats.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Amy said.
JoJo joined in. “My toes are frozen. It’s like thirty below outside.”
“Don’t be stupid,” I said. “It’s, like, five degrees outside.”
I went to the next house and walked up the stairs. My shivering finger hit the doorbell and a man answered.
“O holy night …”
I was waiting for my sisters to chime in with me, but I heard nothing. I turned around and saw that they had completely ditched me. I turned back around, realizing I was doing a solo performance.
“… the stars are brightly shining …”
SLAM .
“Damn it!” I whispered. I couldn’t believe my sisters ditched me.
My voice is pretty awful by myself, but I was determined to make quick tax-free cash without doing anything illegal anymore. So off I went to the next
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