up and walked to find a bathroom.
Even the warm Florida breeze now hurt my face. I realized that I had been out in the sun all day with no sunscreen, and since I’m Irish, I usually burn in forty-five minutes of Chicago sun. I couldn’t imagine what all-day Florida sun could do. I made my way to a diner and went into the bathroom.
My face was not only red but forming blisters all over.
It looked like someone had thrown a grease pan on my face.
I started crying as I bounced my finger on all the blisters. I looked like a monster.
I ran to another pay phone and begged God for one of my friends to be in the room. If it was sunset, it meant they were probably back in the room getting skanked up to hit the town.
Ring, ring .
“Hello?”
“Oh my God, oh my God. Who is this?” I asked.
“It’s Erin. Who the hell is this?”
“It’s Jenny. I need help. I’m seriously fucked.”
I went through the whole story. All I could hear was uncontrollable laughter, but my friends immediately got me a plane ticket and flew me to Daytona Beach.
Sadly, when I arrived, they had to take me to the emergency clinic because I had suffered such severe burns on my face. I was ordered to stay in my room for the remainder of spring break. I had to watch my friends come in and out of the room and have sex with strangers as I laid there staring at the ceiling with bandages on my face.
As days passed, I reflected on how wise my intuition really was and how I should have trusted it to not go down to Florida in the first place. I wondered how many more times I would have to go through crazy shit like this until I finally learned my lesson.
Well, it turned out to be a shitload more times, but at least I can say that I won the next wet T-shirt contest. Whoop whoop. Jiggle jiggle .
17
O Holy Night
My heart was racing. I kept looking behind me to see if I had ditched the cops. Just to be sure, I continued to floor the gas pedal.
Thoughts of “How the hell did I get here?” raced through my head. I looked down at my car seat and saw the illegal parking passes I had made in college along with the checkbook I used to bounce checks for food.
“Oh yeah, that’s probably how.”
I weaved in and out of traffic and witnessed countless senior citizens flipping me the bird. Who knew they had such pizzazz?
I pulled off an exit and hid out in a parking lot next to miles and miles of cornfields. The song “Total Eclipse of the Heart” was on the radio. I remember it like it was yesterday because I burst into tears while singing the words “Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart.” I was a hot mess. This is not how I had planned to leave college.
How would I explain this to my mother?
D ing-dong . My heart was racing as I waited for my mom to open the front door. “Jenny, what are you doing home?” she asked.
“At least I’m not pregnant!” I shouted.
“What in God’s name are you talking about?”
I moved past her, walked into the living room, and plopped down on my childhood sofa.
“I went broke. I couldn’t afford to pay rent and eat. And when you don’t have those things, it’s time to go home. I dropped out. Well, it was more like I got chased out of college.”
My mom burst into tears. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t send you any more money. We are struggling to get by. We have zero in our bank account right now.”
I looked around our disheveled home. I was hoping so badly I could take care of my parents someday, and now I felt like a failure in every way.
Even the Baruchs had moved on up and out of our neighborhood.
I hugged my mom and promised I was going to figure out a way to help her and my dad. Someday I was going to pay off every one of their bills.
She kissed me on the cheek and then asked, “Is all your stuff in the car? Let’s get you unpacked.”
“Um, I left everything behind. I was in a hurry.”
Actually, I really didn’t have anything to take. I was borrowing
Even the warm Florida breeze now hurt my face. I realized that I had been out in the sun all day with no sunscreen, and since I’m Irish, I usually burn in forty-five minutes of Chicago sun. I couldn’t imagine what all-day Florida sun could do. I made my way to a diner and went into the bathroom.
My face was not only red but forming blisters all over.
It looked like someone had thrown a grease pan on my face.
I started crying as I bounced my finger on all the blisters. I looked like a monster.
I ran to another pay phone and begged God for one of my friends to be in the room. If it was sunset, it meant they were probably back in the room getting skanked up to hit the town.
Ring, ring .
“Hello?”
“Oh my God, oh my God. Who is this?” I asked.
“It’s Erin. Who the hell is this?”
“It’s Jenny. I need help. I’m seriously fucked.”
I went through the whole story. All I could hear was uncontrollable laughter, but my friends immediately got me a plane ticket and flew me to Daytona Beach.
Sadly, when I arrived, they had to take me to the emergency clinic because I had suffered such severe burns on my face. I was ordered to stay in my room for the remainder of spring break. I had to watch my friends come in and out of the room and have sex with strangers as I laid there staring at the ceiling with bandages on my face.
As days passed, I reflected on how wise my intuition really was and how I should have trusted it to not go down to Florida in the first place. I wondered how many more times I would have to go through crazy shit like this until I finally learned my lesson.
Well, it turned out to be a shitload more times, but at least I can say that I won the next wet T-shirt contest. Whoop whoop. Jiggle jiggle .
17
O Holy Night
My heart was racing. I kept looking behind me to see if I had ditched the cops. Just to be sure, I continued to floor the gas pedal.
Thoughts of “How the hell did I get here?” raced through my head. I looked down at my car seat and saw the illegal parking passes I had made in college along with the checkbook I used to bounce checks for food.
“Oh yeah, that’s probably how.”
I weaved in and out of traffic and witnessed countless senior citizens flipping me the bird. Who knew they had such pizzazz?
I pulled off an exit and hid out in a parking lot next to miles and miles of cornfields. The song “Total Eclipse of the Heart” was on the radio. I remember it like it was yesterday because I burst into tears while singing the words “Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart.” I was a hot mess. This is not how I had planned to leave college.
How would I explain this to my mother?
D ing-dong . My heart was racing as I waited for my mom to open the front door. “Jenny, what are you doing home?” she asked.
“At least I’m not pregnant!” I shouted.
“What in God’s name are you talking about?”
I moved past her, walked into the living room, and plopped down on my childhood sofa.
“I went broke. I couldn’t afford to pay rent and eat. And when you don’t have those things, it’s time to go home. I dropped out. Well, it was more like I got chased out of college.”
My mom burst into tears. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t send you any more money. We are struggling to get by. We have zero in our bank account right now.”
I looked around our disheveled home. I was hoping so badly I could take care of my parents someday, and now I felt like a failure in every way.
Even the Baruchs had moved on up and out of our neighborhood.
I hugged my mom and promised I was going to figure out a way to help her and my dad. Someday I was going to pay off every one of their bills.
She kissed me on the cheek and then asked, “Is all your stuff in the car? Let’s get you unpacked.”
“Um, I left everything behind. I was in a hurry.”
Actually, I really didn’t have anything to take. I was borrowing
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