flexed her hips with each move of his, each thrust he made deep into her body accompanied by a hoarse, sweet sound from her lips that let him know just how into it she was. Just how much she wanted him. Melanie Richards wanted him.
It was that thought that sent him over the edge.
He tightened his grip on her hips, tried to get a handle on himself as he lost complete command over his body, as his movements became wild, unsteady. She stiffened beneath him, arching against him, her release rippling through her, around him. In him.
And he let go. Let his need, his desire, his pleasure roar through him like a beast, overtaking him completely, stealing his every thought, his every concern.
Mel held him tight, her breathing soft and steady in his ear. And then she whispered. “I love you, Luke.”
Chapter Nine
‡
T HE MOMENT THE words left her lips, she knew they were true. She also knew that she had made a big mistake. At least, in terms of not scaring Luke away forever. After their conversation, after what had just passed between them, the odds of him reacting favorably to her declaration were slim to none. She knew him well enough to know that.
Still, even though she knew she was setting herself up for a world of pain, she couldn’t regret it. She wasn’t afraid anymore.
No, that was a lie. She was afraid. She was terrified. Of what would happen when Luke finally spoke again, of what the future would look like without him. Of any moment beyond this one where he was still holding on to her, still buried deep inside of her. She was afraid of it all. But she wasn’t too afraid to face it. Wasn’t too afraid to press forward, asking for more, not just from him, but from life.
She had thought her moment of reckoning was in Grey’s a few weeks ago. That it had come the moment she decided she was going to put on a sexy dress, lose her virginity, stop being afraid of the unknown. But no. She could see clearly now that the Great Awakening that had happened then had been another red herring. A cautious step forward. Like a small animal who had only poked her head out of her burrow, and left the rest of herself safely shrouded.
A sexual relationship without an emotional component. A way to pretend that she was stepping out while continually protecting the parts of herself that were most vulnerable. It had never been her body. It had always been her feelings. That was why she had made such a weak pass at Luke and called it an honest try.
Because it had always been him. And she’d always known it would be a risk. But she’d been too afraid to try. She wasn’t now. Even being certain she would fail.
He moved away from her suddenly, leaving her cold, bereft. “What did you say?”
“I love you,” she repeated without hesitation.
“Why? I’ve been nothing but a giant asshole to you.”
“An asshole who made me a picnic in a barn.”
“And stole your garlic bread.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t very nice.” She moved into a sitting position, tugging her knees up to her chest. “I’ve always loved you.”
“Bullshit.” He closed his eyes and looked away from her. “You never said. You never acted like you did. You were never even dating anyone.”
He sounded panicked now, and part of her could vaguely understand why. She was changing his reality. Changing the rules. It was going to suck for her too, depending on how he reacted. But she couldn’t go back. Not now.
“I know. Because of the fear thing that I already told you about. I would rather have hooked up with a stranger in a bar than take a real risk in going after you and being rejected. And I told myself it was all about relationships, and finding myself, and making sure I didn’t fall into the same trap my mother did, but the thing is, Luke, I never had to worry about that with you. It was never that. I just didn’t want to lose our friendship. I didn’t want to lose this thing that had meant so much to me. I’ve been content for a very long time
It was that thought that sent him over the edge.
He tightened his grip on her hips, tried to get a handle on himself as he lost complete command over his body, as his movements became wild, unsteady. She stiffened beneath him, arching against him, her release rippling through her, around him. In him.
And he let go. Let his need, his desire, his pleasure roar through him like a beast, overtaking him completely, stealing his every thought, his every concern.
Mel held him tight, her breathing soft and steady in his ear. And then she whispered. “I love you, Luke.”
Chapter Nine
‡
T HE MOMENT THE words left her lips, she knew they were true. She also knew that she had made a big mistake. At least, in terms of not scaring Luke away forever. After their conversation, after what had just passed between them, the odds of him reacting favorably to her declaration were slim to none. She knew him well enough to know that.
Still, even though she knew she was setting herself up for a world of pain, she couldn’t regret it. She wasn’t afraid anymore.
No, that was a lie. She was afraid. She was terrified. Of what would happen when Luke finally spoke again, of what the future would look like without him. Of any moment beyond this one where he was still holding on to her, still buried deep inside of her. She was afraid of it all. But she wasn’t too afraid to face it. Wasn’t too afraid to press forward, asking for more, not just from him, but from life.
She had thought her moment of reckoning was in Grey’s a few weeks ago. That it had come the moment she decided she was going to put on a sexy dress, lose her virginity, stop being afraid of the unknown. But no. She could see clearly now that the Great Awakening that had happened then had been another red herring. A cautious step forward. Like a small animal who had only poked her head out of her burrow, and left the rest of herself safely shrouded.
A sexual relationship without an emotional component. A way to pretend that she was stepping out while continually protecting the parts of herself that were most vulnerable. It had never been her body. It had always been her feelings. That was why she had made such a weak pass at Luke and called it an honest try.
Because it had always been him. And she’d always known it would be a risk. But she’d been too afraid to try. She wasn’t now. Even being certain she would fail.
He moved away from her suddenly, leaving her cold, bereft. “What did you say?”
“I love you,” she repeated without hesitation.
“Why? I’ve been nothing but a giant asshole to you.”
“An asshole who made me a picnic in a barn.”
“And stole your garlic bread.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t very nice.” She moved into a sitting position, tugging her knees up to her chest. “I’ve always loved you.”
“Bullshit.” He closed his eyes and looked away from her. “You never said. You never acted like you did. You were never even dating anyone.”
He sounded panicked now, and part of her could vaguely understand why. She was changing his reality. Changing the rules. It was going to suck for her too, depending on how he reacted. But she couldn’t go back. Not now.
“I know. Because of the fear thing that I already told you about. I would rather have hooked up with a stranger in a bar than take a real risk in going after you and being rejected. And I told myself it was all about relationships, and finding myself, and making sure I didn’t fall into the same trap my mother did, but the thing is, Luke, I never had to worry about that with you. It was never that. I just didn’t want to lose our friendship. I didn’t want to lose this thing that had meant so much to me. I’ve been content for a very long time
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