left the room without another word. Feeling dirty and used, Marie dressed quickly, feeling more embarrassed and humiliated with every second that passed. Once she was ready she wiped the tears from her eyes and ran out of the gym and out onto the street.
Chapter Fifteen
Marie fought back tears as she walked out of the gym. She focused on keeping her head up and her shoulders straight, she refused to run or rush. She kept an even, relaxed pace, determined to look like nothing was bothering her. She was not going to be known around town as the girl who ran around crying everywhere. She wanted people to think she was stronger than that. She wished she were as strong as she was pretending.
Her jaw ached from holding back tears. They fell anyway. She swiped at them angrily before they could make any progress down her cheeks. She pushed open the door of the gym and stepped out into fresh air and dim sunlight. She turned towards the mansion; she was four blocks away from home, then three. She could make it without bursting into sobs on the street. She just needed to run right upstairs to her apartment and then she could finally let her tears fall.
She walked up Main Street, ignoring the people who passed her. She looked past them or away from them with as much dignity as she could muster. She wrapped her arms around herself, hurrying up the sidewalk. The day was grey around her, a perfect match for her mood. She turned off Main Street and the giant Hawks Mansion appeared before her.
It didn’t look scary or intimidating to her eyes. It looked like a fortress, a safe place where she could hide and cry alone. She could hole up in this mansion as long as she wanted. It was old and strong and impenetrable; it could shield and protect. She hurried up the main staircase and opened the heavy mahogany doors. They opened silently and Marie closed them behind her and then scurried inside and up to her apartment before the grad student who was currently working on the collection noticed her.
Her feet thudded on the stairs until, finally, she was in her sanctuary and she closed her door and fell back against it as tears cascaded from her eyes. They poured down her face and soaked her shirt. Her body was wracked with sobs, her chest was heaving and she was gasping for breath. She tried to stop her tears and control them, but every time a she tried a new sob would shudder through her and new tears would come.
She thought it would never end. She thought she would spend the rest of her life sobbing on this floor with the images of her tryst with Axel flooding her brain. But eventually she grew uncomfortable on the floor and was able to pull herself up. She struggled to her feet and lurched to the bathroom, reaching out to tables and the couch, anything that could support her shaking legs. Once in the cold bathroom, she ripped off her sweat-stained clothes, struggling with her shirt and her bra before finally removing them and tossing them into a pile on the floor. She stepped into the steaming hot shower where her tears mingled with the warm water and fell to the bathtub floor.
She felt dirty and used. She felt ashamed and embarrassed. She felt powerless. He had treated her like she was nothing. Like she was just some doll he could pick up and put down at will. He didn’t care about her. He didn’t know where she had come from or what she had experienced and he didn’t seem to want to. He had gotten what he wanted.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? How many times had she heard Austin say that? When one of his buddies complained about a woman who was getting too clingy, that was the first thing Austin would say. He and his friends used to gather together and laugh at those women who put out too soon. They called them desperate losers. They weren’t even worthy of pity, only ridicule. Now she was one of them.
On television shows and movies other women did this. They hooked up
Chapter Fifteen
Marie fought back tears as she walked out of the gym. She focused on keeping her head up and her shoulders straight, she refused to run or rush. She kept an even, relaxed pace, determined to look like nothing was bothering her. She was not going to be known around town as the girl who ran around crying everywhere. She wanted people to think she was stronger than that. She wished she were as strong as she was pretending.
Her jaw ached from holding back tears. They fell anyway. She swiped at them angrily before they could make any progress down her cheeks. She pushed open the door of the gym and stepped out into fresh air and dim sunlight. She turned towards the mansion; she was four blocks away from home, then three. She could make it without bursting into sobs on the street. She just needed to run right upstairs to her apartment and then she could finally let her tears fall.
She walked up Main Street, ignoring the people who passed her. She looked past them or away from them with as much dignity as she could muster. She wrapped her arms around herself, hurrying up the sidewalk. The day was grey around her, a perfect match for her mood. She turned off Main Street and the giant Hawks Mansion appeared before her.
It didn’t look scary or intimidating to her eyes. It looked like a fortress, a safe place where she could hide and cry alone. She could hole up in this mansion as long as she wanted. It was old and strong and impenetrable; it could shield and protect. She hurried up the main staircase and opened the heavy mahogany doors. They opened silently and Marie closed them behind her and then scurried inside and up to her apartment before the grad student who was currently working on the collection noticed her.
Her feet thudded on the stairs until, finally, she was in her sanctuary and she closed her door and fell back against it as tears cascaded from her eyes. They poured down her face and soaked her shirt. Her body was wracked with sobs, her chest was heaving and she was gasping for breath. She tried to stop her tears and control them, but every time a she tried a new sob would shudder through her and new tears would come.
She thought it would never end. She thought she would spend the rest of her life sobbing on this floor with the images of her tryst with Axel flooding her brain. But eventually she grew uncomfortable on the floor and was able to pull herself up. She struggled to her feet and lurched to the bathroom, reaching out to tables and the couch, anything that could support her shaking legs. Once in the cold bathroom, she ripped off her sweat-stained clothes, struggling with her shirt and her bra before finally removing them and tossing them into a pile on the floor. She stepped into the steaming hot shower where her tears mingled with the warm water and fell to the bathtub floor.
She felt dirty and used. She felt ashamed and embarrassed. She felt powerless. He had treated her like she was nothing. Like she was just some doll he could pick up and put down at will. He didn’t care about her. He didn’t know where she had come from or what she had experienced and he didn’t seem to want to. He had gotten what he wanted.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? How many times had she heard Austin say that? When one of his buddies complained about a woman who was getting too clingy, that was the first thing Austin would say. He and his friends used to gather together and laugh at those women who put out too soon. They called them desperate losers. They weren’t even worthy of pity, only ridicule. Now she was one of them.
On television shows and movies other women did this. They hooked up
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