with their trainers and laughed about it at lunch. Why couldn’t she? Why couldn’t she just accept it for what it was and move on? Axel was always out of her league. She should have known this would happen. She was nothing to him. She was just a way for him to pass a bored afternoon.
A new pang of sadness plunged through her chest. More tears came to her eyes. How was it possible she had more tears to give? How could she find new things to be sad about? Why was this so hard? If only she could go back and stop it. She should have restrained herself. She should have held back. Now she was just another notch on Axel’s belt.
She got out of the shower and went to her bedroom where she fell onto her bed. She curled up on her side and stared out the window. The tears were almost done. Every now and again a new one would spring forth and slip down her cheek, but, now, she mostly felt empty.
I wonder who used to live up here? Marie thought as she stared past the white curtains, which were gently flapping against the window. How many other eyes had stared out this window? This used to be the servants’ quarters. There would have been young girls sleeping in this room. They would wake early and start the fires and make breakfast for the family. They would work from morning until night for pennies and they would be glad for it.
She wished she could go back in time and be one of those simple girls. She would work in the mansion, get her hands dirty, and break her back with labor. She would go to bed too tired at night to even think about sinning. She would marry a local butcher or a one of the Hawk family employees. Her life would have been harder, but in another way it would have been infinitely easier, simpler at least.
Her eyes were growing heavy. She reached for her phone and set the alarm to three, when she needed to leave to pick up Cate from daycare. Her face felt warm against the soft pillow and her body sunk into the bed. Eventually her eyes closed and she fell into a deep sleep that lasted the entire afternoon.
She woke to the gentle chime of her alarm. The first thing she realized was how thirsty she was. She downed two full glasses of water and then changed out of her robe into jeans and a t-shirt. Her hair was ruined from sleeping in it wet and she pulled it back into a messy bun. She looked at herself in the mirror. The sleep had done her well. The redness of her eyes was gone. Her face looked dewy and well-rested.
She was able to breathe without crying. It was a step in the right direction, at least. She was able to move around without sobs taking over her body. She felt…not better exactly, but different in some way. She realized she was making the same mistakes again. She was letting some man push her around. She was letting someone else dictate her feelings.
She wasn’t going to hide in this house. She didn’t have anything to be ashamed about. She was a modern, single woman; she could sleep with whomever she wanted. She had just made a bad choice; that was all. Axel was exactly the man she thought he was. She remembered calling him rude at the gym. She had been right about him then. He was brutish and cruel. He was a fighter. His job was to beat other men bloody and then collect the reward.
She stepped out into the street, wincing in the bright sunlight. The grey had burned off and the day had turned bright and cheery. She headed towards the daycare center. The gym was on the way and she didn’t go around it. She didn’t hide from him. She wasn’t going to change her life to avoid him. They had hooked up and that was it.
But why was that it? Why had he just left like that? Had she been bad at it? Had she done something wrong? He had just left her lying there on the massage table like she was trash waiting to be thrown away. She frowned as she walked. Who was he to treat her like that? Marie was a good woman. She worked hard; she tried to be nice and think of
A new pang of sadness plunged through her chest. More tears came to her eyes. How was it possible she had more tears to give? How could she find new things to be sad about? Why was this so hard? If only she could go back and stop it. She should have restrained herself. She should have held back. Now she was just another notch on Axel’s belt.
She got out of the shower and went to her bedroom where she fell onto her bed. She curled up on her side and stared out the window. The tears were almost done. Every now and again a new one would spring forth and slip down her cheek, but, now, she mostly felt empty.
I wonder who used to live up here? Marie thought as she stared past the white curtains, which were gently flapping against the window. How many other eyes had stared out this window? This used to be the servants’ quarters. There would have been young girls sleeping in this room. They would wake early and start the fires and make breakfast for the family. They would work from morning until night for pennies and they would be glad for it.
She wished she could go back in time and be one of those simple girls. She would work in the mansion, get her hands dirty, and break her back with labor. She would go to bed too tired at night to even think about sinning. She would marry a local butcher or a one of the Hawk family employees. Her life would have been harder, but in another way it would have been infinitely easier, simpler at least.
Her eyes were growing heavy. She reached for her phone and set the alarm to three, when she needed to leave to pick up Cate from daycare. Her face felt warm against the soft pillow and her body sunk into the bed. Eventually her eyes closed and she fell into a deep sleep that lasted the entire afternoon.
She woke to the gentle chime of her alarm. The first thing she realized was how thirsty she was. She downed two full glasses of water and then changed out of her robe into jeans and a t-shirt. Her hair was ruined from sleeping in it wet and she pulled it back into a messy bun. She looked at herself in the mirror. The sleep had done her well. The redness of her eyes was gone. Her face looked dewy and well-rested.
She was able to breathe without crying. It was a step in the right direction, at least. She was able to move around without sobs taking over her body. She felt…not better exactly, but different in some way. She realized she was making the same mistakes again. She was letting some man push her around. She was letting someone else dictate her feelings.
She wasn’t going to hide in this house. She didn’t have anything to be ashamed about. She was a modern, single woman; she could sleep with whomever she wanted. She had just made a bad choice; that was all. Axel was exactly the man she thought he was. She remembered calling him rude at the gym. She had been right about him then. He was brutish and cruel. He was a fighter. His job was to beat other men bloody and then collect the reward.
She stepped out into the street, wincing in the bright sunlight. The grey had burned off and the day had turned bright and cheery. She headed towards the daycare center. The gym was on the way and she didn’t go around it. She didn’t hide from him. She wasn’t going to change her life to avoid him. They had hooked up and that was it.
But why was that it? Why had he just left like that? Had she been bad at it? Had she done something wrong? He had just left her lying there on the massage table like she was trash waiting to be thrown away. She frowned as she walked. Who was he to treat her like that? Marie was a good woman. She worked hard; she tried to be nice and think of
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