Awaken Me (The Jaded Series Book 4) by Alex Grayson

to me, and I don’t know what to do. I love Anna with every piece of my heart. I’ll always love her. There are no pieces left for anyone else to claim.
    Even if I did want to be with someone else or learn to care for another woman, how could I when I know I would be secretly wishing she were someone else? Knowing I could never truly give myself to her fully?
    I chop wood for another hour, exhausting myself, hoping I’ll get some undisturbed sleep tonight. Sweat dribbles down my back and face. The sun is starting to settle behind the trees and the temperature is dropping fast. I hate the time change this time of year. It takes away so many of the working daylight hours.
    Deciding to stop for the evening, I slam the ax down on the stump until it stands on its own. My back aches from all the chopping I did today and my eyes feel like there’re ten-ton weights hanging from them. I walk sluggishly back to the house.
    When I walk in the front door, all the lights are off, except for the lamp in the living room. I spy Chris’s head over the back of the couch. She lifts herself a little and sees me at the door. I close the door behind me, slip off my boots, and avoid her eyes.
    My stomach protests as I walk away from the kitchen and the delicious smells and instead head toward my bedroom and the connecting bathroom. I’m hungry, but I need a shower first. I’m dirty and sticky from sweat, and I’m hoping the warm water will stop the headache I feel starting in my temples.
    I’ve been getting a lot of headaches lately that just won’t go away. I know they’re from stress. I’ve been having problems with some of the contractors I hire out for odd jobs that my crew and I can’t do. Being home is also stressful. I know my friends mean well, but having them at my back all the time gets to be too much. I see the way they look at me and there are times I want nothing more than to snarl to whip the looks of pity from their faces. I hate myself when I feel that way because they love me and only want me happy again. But they just don’t understand that it’s not possible for me. It may never be possible for me. I am so far beyond fucked-up in the head that there may never be any going back for me. Losing Anna destroyed a piece of me I don’t feel I could ever get back. My life without her in it is bleak and empty. I don’t want happiness back if I can’t have it with her. She’s gone. Why should I be happy while she’s rotting away in a grave?
    To top it off, I now have to deal with Chris being in my space and all the fucked-up and inconsistent feelings I’m having toward her. One minute I want to demand she stay the hell away from me and the next I want to snatch her to me and take whatever she wants to give. I’ve also seen the way she looks at me, and I know deep down for some reason she has feelings for me. I have no idea why, but it’s there in her eyes. That’s why I’m such a dick to her. She needs to learn now that I can’t give her anything. It’s better for her to know that before she gets too involved. It just seems harsher not to warn her.
    I step out of my clothes and into the shower. There is a lot of work that still needs to be done on the house. I know I need to get it done—I own a fucking construction business for Christ’s sake—but finding the motivation for doing it without Anna beside me is the problem. I don’t want to do it without her. It was to be our project. However, I did change the showerhead in my shower. I installed a rain showerhead about a year ago. It may sound girly as shit, but it only sounds that way if you haven’t been under one. If you have, then you wouldn’t care if it spit out rainbows, as long as it beats down on your shoulders the same as the water does. It’s pure fucking heaven.
    After ten minutes of the wonder spray, I step out, dry off, and head to my dresser naked. I slip on a pair of old worn jeans and a black thermal shirt and head out of my room on bare