There were loads of young girls just like me at the clinic. Some of them had someone accompanying them, many others were alone but ultimately we were all there to destroy a life. I followed the nurse into a room where I had to get undressed and got prepared for the operation.
When the anesthesia wore off, I remember the doctors telling me that everything had gone well and I could go home later on that day. I looked down at my belly, my baby was gone, I felt so empty. I burst into tears and began crying uncontrollably.
The nurse just stared at me, “You’ve got what you wanted so why are you crying?”
I felt so awful, what type of person murders their own baby? Several days afterwards I was in tremendous pain. I experienced really sharp excruciating cramps, it was so severe that at one point I was sure that I was dying. I read the aftercare instructions I received from the clinic and it said that mild cramps for three days was normal but this pain was extreme. I had no one to turn to, therefore I suffered in silence. I locked myself away in my room and withdrew myself from the rest of the family to avoid answering any questions.
Months later I was still hurting, it was not as frequent as it was in the beginning but I was in agony when the abdominal cramps hit me. Consequently I went to visit the doctor and tests showed that I had an infection in my womb and tubes and as a result it had developed into Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. I was given antibiotics and it was treated but, despite that, it came back several months later. The lining of my fallopian tubes swelled up and the canals became much narrower. The doctor told me that because my body had been through so many complications at such a tender age, chances of me becoming pregnant in the future were highly unlikely.
I was heart-broken, I loved children and the thought of not being able to carry my own child again was unbearable. I felt like I was being punished for sleeping with Eric but if he hadn’t touched me I would never ever have slept with him. I resented Nayla because she always had him around the house. Eric made sure that whenever no one was looking, he made a point of reminding me how much everyone would hate me if our dirty little secret ever got out. I loathed him for what he had done to me but I couldn’t tell a soul given that I was also at fault. I felt trapped with no one to reach out to for support.
When Nayla dropped the bombshell that Eric wanted her to marry him, Mama and Daddy were so happy but I begged her not to marry him.
“Please don’t say yes to him Nayla.”
“Don’t be silly sis, I love him, why would you even say such a thing?”
I looked for all the excuses in the world knowing I sounded stupid but I could hardly tell her the real reason. Mama and Daddy found it amusing and thought it was cute that I did not want to lose my big sister to a guy.
“Nayla will always be your big sister regardless of who she marries.”
“That’s right, Pumpkin,” Daddy said, in agreement with Mama.
Then Nayla chipped in, “Yeah babes I’m always going to be your sis and Eric will be like a big brother to you.”
They spoke to me like I was a little child but I had been through more shit at fourteen than most grown-ups ever had to endure in their lifetime. I couldn’t tell them so I had to sit back and watch Nayla marry Eric. She loved the monster who forced me to kill my baby. In a way I hated her for bringing him into our home in the first place.
Now that I had received a second chance to experience motherhood, I was not going to destroy my blessing. There was no way on earth that I would get rid of this baby. It did not matter how many threats Stephen made. This was my baby and abortion was not an option.
Chapter 1 4
I finally gathered the courage I needed to go and see Mama. I was too scared to call beforehand so I just showed up unexpectedly at the house. I could smell her cooking from outside, it smelled so delicious and
When the anesthesia wore off, I remember the doctors telling me that everything had gone well and I could go home later on that day. I looked down at my belly, my baby was gone, I felt so empty. I burst into tears and began crying uncontrollably.
The nurse just stared at me, “You’ve got what you wanted so why are you crying?”
I felt so awful, what type of person murders their own baby? Several days afterwards I was in tremendous pain. I experienced really sharp excruciating cramps, it was so severe that at one point I was sure that I was dying. I read the aftercare instructions I received from the clinic and it said that mild cramps for three days was normal but this pain was extreme. I had no one to turn to, therefore I suffered in silence. I locked myself away in my room and withdrew myself from the rest of the family to avoid answering any questions.
Months later I was still hurting, it was not as frequent as it was in the beginning but I was in agony when the abdominal cramps hit me. Consequently I went to visit the doctor and tests showed that I had an infection in my womb and tubes and as a result it had developed into Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. I was given antibiotics and it was treated but, despite that, it came back several months later. The lining of my fallopian tubes swelled up and the canals became much narrower. The doctor told me that because my body had been through so many complications at such a tender age, chances of me becoming pregnant in the future were highly unlikely.
I was heart-broken, I loved children and the thought of not being able to carry my own child again was unbearable. I felt like I was being punished for sleeping with Eric but if he hadn’t touched me I would never ever have slept with him. I resented Nayla because she always had him around the house. Eric made sure that whenever no one was looking, he made a point of reminding me how much everyone would hate me if our dirty little secret ever got out. I loathed him for what he had done to me but I couldn’t tell a soul given that I was also at fault. I felt trapped with no one to reach out to for support.
When Nayla dropped the bombshell that Eric wanted her to marry him, Mama and Daddy were so happy but I begged her not to marry him.
“Please don’t say yes to him Nayla.”
“Don’t be silly sis, I love him, why would you even say such a thing?”
I looked for all the excuses in the world knowing I sounded stupid but I could hardly tell her the real reason. Mama and Daddy found it amusing and thought it was cute that I did not want to lose my big sister to a guy.
“Nayla will always be your big sister regardless of who she marries.”
“That’s right, Pumpkin,” Daddy said, in agreement with Mama.
Then Nayla chipped in, “Yeah babes I’m always going to be your sis and Eric will be like a big brother to you.”
They spoke to me like I was a little child but I had been through more shit at fourteen than most grown-ups ever had to endure in their lifetime. I couldn’t tell them so I had to sit back and watch Nayla marry Eric. She loved the monster who forced me to kill my baby. In a way I hated her for bringing him into our home in the first place.
Now that I had received a second chance to experience motherhood, I was not going to destroy my blessing. There was no way on earth that I would get rid of this baby. It did not matter how many threats Stephen made. This was my baby and abortion was not an option.
Chapter 1 4
I finally gathered the courage I needed to go and see Mama. I was too scared to call beforehand so I just showed up unexpectedly at the house. I could smell her cooking from outside, it smelled so delicious and
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