Besides
looking for things to pick on me about.
“I was just
out running some errands and thought I’d stop by,” she said, attempting a
smile. “You haven’t been by to see us in forever--” Great, make this my fault.
“Or called,” she finished. “So I thought I’d come to you. Is that not okay?”
Playing nice
was going to be harder than I thought. But I could try. “Of course it is, Mom,”
I said, sighing.
“Well,” she
said after an awkward pause. “Things are really coming together here, aren’t
they? All you need are some new drapes, maybe some different pillows...”
“They are new,”
I said. “Caryn, my boss at Dwell helped me put it all together.” Leave it to my
mother to find a way to insult me and Caryn--someone she’d never even laid eyes
on--with one statement. “I like them,” I finished.
“Well of
course you do,” she replied. She tried to make it sound like a recovery, but I
heard the statement underneath her words: someone without taste would like
them . She started back up again, completely unfazed by the look I shot her.
“I don’t know why you’re working at that place, anyway.”
Here we go , I thought. “I like working there.”
I hoped it would quiet her. I should have known better.
“But it’s retail ,
dear. She said the word like it tasted bad in her mouth. “You’re college
educated. You’re better than retail.” I could not believe my mother was being
so judgmental. She who single-handedly kept most shops in business.
“It’s just a
summer job, Mom, not a career change,” I replied. “It keeps me busy, gives me
some extra money.”
“Well, I just
think there are better activities to keep you entertained,” she said. “Things
that engage your mind.”
I didn’t try
to hide the eye roll this time. “It does engage my mind. I get a chance to be
creative in a way that’s different from teaching. It’s new, so it’s
challenging. It’s fun .”
“But you
don’t have to have a job to have fun,” she went on. “Fun is for after work.
Like, dating perhaps.”
“And whom
would you like me to date, Mom? Spencer?”
“Well what is
wrong with that?” she said. “You two always made such a cute couple.”
“He broke up
with me, Mother. His choice.” My voice rose in anger. “I wish you’d just come
off it.” She looked like I’d slapped her, so shocked was the expression on her
face. I never talked to her that way. Maybe I should have a long time ago.
“But perhaps
it’s not too late to change his mind. Call him up. Ask him to meet you for
coffee. Win him back. There’s still time to save face.”
And then I saw
it: the reason my mother had been so insistent I get back together with Spencer
had nothing to do with my feelings for him, the hurt I’d felt. It didn’t even
have anything to do with his feelings for me. It had everything to do with her
embarrassment at having a daughter who had been dumped.
“I don’t want
to get back together with him. Was I hurt when it ended? Devastated. But it was
the best thing he ever did for me. He was so wrong for me. Bad for me, even.”
“Maybe y’all
just needed a break.” She obviously was not listening to a word I said. I stood
up and headed back towards the bathroom. I was done.
“Ask Jill
about Spencer’s idea of a break,” I said. “And lock the door when you leave.”
I didn’t call
Aaron after my mother left. I wanted to, but I felt bad always running to him
when my life hit a speed bump. I didn’t know how much drama he could take,
especially after the week we’d had. Instead I met Marcie at the gym as
promised. I ran five miles on the treadmill, exorcising some of my anger towards
my mom with every footfall. Marcie kept looking over at me questioningly, but
didn’t ask, and I didn’t volunteer. I had promised to tell her things like
this, but I couldn’t at the moment. I wasn’t sure she’d get it.
After a
shower and lunch, I went to Dwell, even though I
looking for things to pick on me about.
“I was just
out running some errands and thought I’d stop by,” she said, attempting a
smile. “You haven’t been by to see us in forever--” Great, make this my fault.
“Or called,” she finished. “So I thought I’d come to you. Is that not okay?”
Playing nice
was going to be harder than I thought. But I could try. “Of course it is, Mom,”
I said, sighing.
“Well,” she
said after an awkward pause. “Things are really coming together here, aren’t
they? All you need are some new drapes, maybe some different pillows...”
“They are new,”
I said. “Caryn, my boss at Dwell helped me put it all together.” Leave it to my
mother to find a way to insult me and Caryn--someone she’d never even laid eyes
on--with one statement. “I like them,” I finished.
“Well of
course you do,” she replied. She tried to make it sound like a recovery, but I
heard the statement underneath her words: someone without taste would like
them . She started back up again, completely unfazed by the look I shot her.
“I don’t know why you’re working at that place, anyway.”
Here we go , I thought. “I like working there.”
I hoped it would quiet her. I should have known better.
“But it’s retail ,
dear. She said the word like it tasted bad in her mouth. “You’re college
educated. You’re better than retail.” I could not believe my mother was being
so judgmental. She who single-handedly kept most shops in business.
“It’s just a
summer job, Mom, not a career change,” I replied. “It keeps me busy, gives me
some extra money.”
“Well, I just
think there are better activities to keep you entertained,” she said. “Things
that engage your mind.”
I didn’t try
to hide the eye roll this time. “It does engage my mind. I get a chance to be
creative in a way that’s different from teaching. It’s new, so it’s
challenging. It’s fun .”
“But you
don’t have to have a job to have fun,” she went on. “Fun is for after work.
Like, dating perhaps.”
“And whom
would you like me to date, Mom? Spencer?”
“Well what is
wrong with that?” she said. “You two always made such a cute couple.”
“He broke up
with me, Mother. His choice.” My voice rose in anger. “I wish you’d just come
off it.” She looked like I’d slapped her, so shocked was the expression on her
face. I never talked to her that way. Maybe I should have a long time ago.
“But perhaps
it’s not too late to change his mind. Call him up. Ask him to meet you for
coffee. Win him back. There’s still time to save face.”
And then I saw
it: the reason my mother had been so insistent I get back together with Spencer
had nothing to do with my feelings for him, the hurt I’d felt. It didn’t even
have anything to do with his feelings for me. It had everything to do with her
embarrassment at having a daughter who had been dumped.
“I don’t want
to get back together with him. Was I hurt when it ended? Devastated. But it was
the best thing he ever did for me. He was so wrong for me. Bad for me, even.”
“Maybe y’all
just needed a break.” She obviously was not listening to a word I said. I stood
up and headed back towards the bathroom. I was done.
“Ask Jill
about Spencer’s idea of a break,” I said. “And lock the door when you leave.”
I didn’t call
Aaron after my mother left. I wanted to, but I felt bad always running to him
when my life hit a speed bump. I didn’t know how much drama he could take,
especially after the week we’d had. Instead I met Marcie at the gym as
promised. I ran five miles on the treadmill, exorcising some of my anger towards
my mom with every footfall. Marcie kept looking over at me questioningly, but
didn’t ask, and I didn’t volunteer. I had promised to tell her things like
this, but I couldn’t at the moment. I wasn’t sure she’d get it.
After a
shower and lunch, I went to Dwell, even though I
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