wasn’t scheduled to work for a
few days. Caryn looked up at the ringing bells on the door signaling my
entrance.
“Hi, Brooke,”
she said. She smiled, but sounded slightly confused. “You’re not working today,
are you?”
“Not until
Tuesday,” I said. “I just needed to get out of the house for awhile.” She
looked at me, concern in her eyes. I hadn’t come to unload on her, but I
couldn’t help it.
I exhaled.
“My mother,” I said. “She came for a visit and tried to plan my life while she
was there.”
Caryn didn’t
flinch; she just nodded. “Mothers can be that way.”
“Do you have
kids?” I couldn’t remember her saying anything about them, and there weren’t
any telling pictures of them at her desk in the back room.
“No,” she
said. “I think God knew I’d be the same way as your mother, so He just made it
easier on everyone by not blessing me with any.” I tried to smile in a
sympathetic way, but Caryn just laughed. “I really just didn’t want any,
Brooke. You don’t have to look sad for me.” Had someone else said that, I would
probably be embarrassed, but with Caryn her jokes put me at ease. “So,” she
said. “What’s mama doing that’s so awful?”
“She’s trying
to make me get back together with my cheating ex-boyfriend.” There. It was out.
I hadn’t told many people about that. Jill knew, of course, and Aaron, but only
because they witnessed the revelation. Even Marcie only knew the scantest of
details.
“She wants
her daughter dating someone who hurt her?” she asked slowly, trying to
comprehend.
“Yep. She
doesn’t actually know about the cheating, but I’ve made it clear that I’m happy
to be rid of him. She doesn’t care, though. He fit into her perfect plan for my
life. I guess she’s trying to keep all the puzzle pieces together.”
“Well, she’s
obviously lost sight of the picture on the front of the box, though, hasn’t
she? I’m sure she wants you to be happy, Brooke, but it sounds like she’s
trying to fit together pieces that just don’t go.”
“I don’t
know,” I said. “I feel like I’ve spent most of my life trying to be the person
she wanted me to be. It’s no wonder I changed for Spencer, too. I even changed
for my girlfriends. I think I’ve been whomever everybody who entered my life
wanted me to be--”
I cut off my
words suddenly before I said what I knew was coming next.
“Except?” It
was though Caryn could read my mind. I gave her a look that I hoped showed
innocent confusion, but she didn’t buy it. “Oh, come on, Brooke. You were about
to say something. Out with it.”
I gave in.
“Except for Aaron,” I said.
“I’m glad you
two worked things out,” she said. “But you said you were just friends...”
“We are. He’s
my best friend.” I’d felt he was becoming that, even before he’d said it. Now
that he had, I was becoming more comfortable with saying out loud. “He’d never
try to change me,” I continued. “If anything, he does everything to try to make
me be more of myself.”
“Sounds to me
like he should be the one you’re dating,” she said with a knowing smile.
“It’s not
like that,” I said.
“Well, then
you need to find a guy just like him. Any guy you’re with should love you ,
not who he can make you into, or even who you’re willing to become for him.”
Aaron probably had all fifty-six qualities I wanted, and some I didn’t even
know were important to me. But, I was pretty sure he was one in a million.
No--one of a kind. The image of us on the swing popped into my head, and I
quickly swatted it away. I was not going there . Not now. After all that
had happened in the past week, I was feeling sort of vulnerable, a little
reserved with what I was willing to share.
“I wouldn’t
worry about it,” she said, a kind smile on her face. “You’ll find someone.
Probably when you aren’t even looking for him.” I nodded, but I wasn’t really
looking for him at
few days. Caryn looked up at the ringing bells on the door signaling my
entrance.
“Hi, Brooke,”
she said. She smiled, but sounded slightly confused. “You’re not working today,
are you?”
“Not until
Tuesday,” I said. “I just needed to get out of the house for awhile.” She
looked at me, concern in her eyes. I hadn’t come to unload on her, but I
couldn’t help it.
I exhaled.
“My mother,” I said. “She came for a visit and tried to plan my life while she
was there.”
Caryn didn’t
flinch; she just nodded. “Mothers can be that way.”
“Do you have
kids?” I couldn’t remember her saying anything about them, and there weren’t
any telling pictures of them at her desk in the back room.
“No,” she
said. “I think God knew I’d be the same way as your mother, so He just made it
easier on everyone by not blessing me with any.” I tried to smile in a
sympathetic way, but Caryn just laughed. “I really just didn’t want any,
Brooke. You don’t have to look sad for me.” Had someone else said that, I would
probably be embarrassed, but with Caryn her jokes put me at ease. “So,” she
said. “What’s mama doing that’s so awful?”
“She’s trying
to make me get back together with my cheating ex-boyfriend.” There. It was out.
I hadn’t told many people about that. Jill knew, of course, and Aaron, but only
because they witnessed the revelation. Even Marcie only knew the scantest of
details.
“She wants
her daughter dating someone who hurt her?” she asked slowly, trying to
comprehend.
“Yep. She
doesn’t actually know about the cheating, but I’ve made it clear that I’m happy
to be rid of him. She doesn’t care, though. He fit into her perfect plan for my
life. I guess she’s trying to keep all the puzzle pieces together.”
“Well, she’s
obviously lost sight of the picture on the front of the box, though, hasn’t
she? I’m sure she wants you to be happy, Brooke, but it sounds like she’s
trying to fit together pieces that just don’t go.”
“I don’t
know,” I said. “I feel like I’ve spent most of my life trying to be the person
she wanted me to be. It’s no wonder I changed for Spencer, too. I even changed
for my girlfriends. I think I’ve been whomever everybody who entered my life
wanted me to be--”
I cut off my
words suddenly before I said what I knew was coming next.
“Except?” It
was though Caryn could read my mind. I gave her a look that I hoped showed
innocent confusion, but she didn’t buy it. “Oh, come on, Brooke. You were about
to say something. Out with it.”
I gave in.
“Except for Aaron,” I said.
“I’m glad you
two worked things out,” she said. “But you said you were just friends...”
“We are. He’s
my best friend.” I’d felt he was becoming that, even before he’d said it. Now
that he had, I was becoming more comfortable with saying out loud. “He’d never
try to change me,” I continued. “If anything, he does everything to try to make
me be more of myself.”
“Sounds to me
like he should be the one you’re dating,” she said with a knowing smile.
“It’s not
like that,” I said.
“Well, then
you need to find a guy just like him. Any guy you’re with should love you ,
not who he can make you into, or even who you’re willing to become for him.”
Aaron probably had all fifty-six qualities I wanted, and some I didn’t even
know were important to me. But, I was pretty sure he was one in a million.
No--one of a kind. The image of us on the swing popped into my head, and I
quickly swatted it away. I was not going there . Not now. After all that
had happened in the past week, I was feeling sort of vulnerable, a little
reserved with what I was willing to share.
“I wouldn’t
worry about it,” she said, a kind smile on her face. “You’ll find someone.
Probably when you aren’t even looking for him.” I nodded, but I wasn’t really
looking for him at
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