Annihilate Me by Christina Ross

hesitant.   “You don’t have to answer this, but I’m
curious.   Have you ever had an
orgasm?”
    I
didn’t flinch.   “No,” I said.   “I haven’t.”
    He
furrowed his brow.   “You’ve never
masturbated?”
    “Haven’t
done that, either.”
    This
seemed to perplex him.   “Why?”
    “Because
a long time ago, I told myself that I would wait for the right man.   A whole host of reasons have held me
back, but much of it comes down to the way my father treated my mother and
me.   I wanted more than that.   I knew I deserved more than that.”   I shrugged.   “I know I have trust issues because of
my father.   So, I’ve waited and will
continue to wait until I know that I can fully trust the right man, whomever he
might be.”
    “Are
you working out trust issues with me?”
    “Alex,
I work them out with anyone who comes to mean something to me.   So, yes, I am, but it’s not just
you.   It’s anyone who enters my
life.   Please understand that it’s
not personal.   But I will say this.   My emotions are skating to the edge of
the cliff with you.   I’ve never put
my trust in someone the way I’ve put it in you.   Not even with Lisa, because this is
intimate in ways that she and I will never will be intimate.   This is a whole new level for me.”
    “I’m
glad you’re trying.”
    “I
have to.   At some point, I need to
take a chance and trust.   I feel my
best bet is with you.”
    His
face was tense during the exchange, but lives aren’t scripted, and
conversations sometimes don’t go down the wanted path.   There was a silence between us now that
I wanted to get past.   I cocked my
head at him.   “I’m not perfect,” I
said.
    “To
me, you are.”
    He
took a breath as if to settle his nerves.   A moment ago, we were slammed against the hot asphalt of raw emotion,
but then the trust issue thing came up and threw water on all of it.   But I wasn’t going to lie to him.   I came into this relationship with
baggage, just as I sensed that he did because of the death of his wife.   In some ways, both of us were fully
capable, adjusted human beings.   In
other ways, we were broken by past events.
    “Can
I ask you another question?” he asked.
    “You
can ask me a dozen questions.”
    “Do
you think I’m the right man?”
    “You’ve
done things to me that no man has ever been allowed to do.”
    “Have
you enjoyed them?”
    “You
know I have.”
    “Then
nothing more is happening tonight.   Your first time will be special.   It will be everything you’ve wanted it to be.   If it’s with me, I’ll make certain of
that.   But if we continued doing
what we were doing a moment ago, I could go too far and bring you to climax.   You deserve better.”
    “You
sound awfully sure of yourself.”
    “That’s
because I am.   I could whisper in your
ear and make you come right now.   No
touching, nothing.   Just my
voice.   And it would happen,
Jennifer.   You would come.”
    The
thought of it almost made me want to do it.
    “Here,”
he said, brushing past me to the sofa where my shirt was laying.   “Put this back on before you drive me
crazier than you already have.”   He
stood behind me and held out the shirt so I could put my arms through the
sleeves.   When I had, he stepped in
front of me and kissed me on the mouth while he buttoned my shirt.   Then the kiss deepened, and soon he was
pressing against me again.   I closed
my eyes and felt myself quiver before he finally broke away.
    “Sorry,”
he said.
    “What
for?”
    He
didn’t respond.   Instead, he
finished buttoning my shirt.
    “May
I do the same for you?” I asked.
    “You
can do whatever you want.”
    I
picked up his shirt from the floor, but then stopped.   “You probably don’t want to put this
back on.   It’s stiff with starch and
it won’t be very comfortable.”
    He
went over to the sofa and leaned back against it.   “I don’t need a shirt.”   He patted the cushion