Annie of the Undead by Varian Wolf Page B

throws whole chairs
over the railing.”
    “Where do you suggest I park it?”
    “Park it in front of the Old Man’s house,” he
said, gesturing to the house next door where the scarecrow had been
sweeping. He was gone now. “We don’t know his name, but he’s really
quiet and keeps the sidewalk really clean. And there’s usually a
spot open there because he doesn’t own a car. Oh,” he added,
remembering he had not completed the introductions, “You saw my
housemates, Lucas and Hector. Hector’s the one on the rampage, and
Lucas’s the one trying to stop him,” he said brightly.
    “I’m seeing them again,” said Miguel, looking
down the street –in the opposite direction from where the men had
run.
    Jonathon leaned around the column, peering down
the street.
    “Are they out there?”
    Sure enough, a moment later, they appeared.
Lucas supporting Hector with an arm over the shoulder, consoling
him as though he was a disgruntled child, and Stanley following a
little behind, skipping and frolicking back to his house and
singing something blissfully to himself. Skipping does interesting
things to unfettered blubber.
    Lucas was holding the scissors in his free
hand.
    “You must have run all the way around the
block!” Jonathon called.
    “All the way,” Lucas gasped as they approached
the stairs, “There was a patrol car over on Chartres, and I told
our boy that he’d better cool it if he didn’t want to take a ride,
and he came to his senses. The cop didn’t see Stanley, thank
God.”
    “But he keeps yelling ‘Stella’,” Hector
complained drunkenly.
    “And he can yell it as much as he wants,” Lucas
continued consolingly, rotating Hector’s windblown frock to face
front, “because we don’t want to end up in the big house because we
trimmed more than just hair with our scissors. I admit old Stanley
is crying out loud for a new do, but we’ll leave that case of
bushwhacking to a salon. We don’t want to have a run-in with the
mean men in uniform, do we?”
    “Don’t want a run in…I’ll call the cops on him!”
Hector declared.
    “No you won’t,” Jonathon chided. “Don’t you dare
get Stanley into trouble. He’s a good neighbor. He’s not hurting
anyone. They’d lock him up for sure. You know how hard the city’s
gotten on people like him.”
    “And people like us,” Lucas added cheerlessly as
they reached the stairs.
    “Screw the city,” grumbled Hector in a Texan
drawl. He went on, “I don’t even want to live here anymore. City’s
ruined. Neighbors are gone. We’re almost gone too. Goddamn Renewal
Union can kiss my ass. Goddamn shakedown…”
    Hector suddenly stopped bitching mid-bitch, for
Miguel had knelt down beside him with vampire grace and gently
slipped the errant flip-flop onto Hector’s bare foot.
    “Your slipper, my lady?” Miguel said
sweetly.
    “Oh…gosh,” said Hector, Miguel’s presence
dawning on him for the first time with breathtaking effect. His
imperative frustration was immediately forgotten.
    “You see, Hector? Now that’s manners!” said
Jonathon.
    Lucas looked to Miguel appreciatively and patted
Hector on the back, “There you go, Cinderella. All better? Now you
see, everyone should be nice to each other.”
    So Miguel’s foretold opportunity had presented
itself. He had won over the natives. I wanted to puke from all the
saccharin –but not before I beat some sense into my vampire.
    “Lucas,” Jonathon said as though he was about to
give him a new car, “This is Manuel and Annie. They’re going to
stay with us. Isn’t it great? What rooms do we have open?”
    Finally, down to the heart of the matter. If I
had to listen to this big gay porch party any longer I was going to
start screaming and running down the street with all kinds of
things flying in the breeze too. Man, I couldn’t wait to get whip
this soft body into shape. I could run outside down here and not
freeze parts off.
    “Oh, we’ve got at least three open right