tell without
looking that she’s smiling, following along behind my hectic pace.
“Nothing. We fooled around,” I say, not looking back at her.
She pulls on my hand.
“You did!” she exclaims, her mouth a wide O of surprise,
until she gets a peek at my face. Then her smile falls a bit. “Wait, Victoria,
stop, tell me what happened?” she says, pulling so hard that I have to stop and
face her. I feel as though I might cry, but I don’t want to. I want to get
something to drink, dance and feel sexy and not feel as though I just led
someone on and didn’t give up the goods. I am lame. No more second chances
for me. I have a sudden flash of insight that I’m going to hate myself with
a passion tomorrow for what I’ve done tonight. But right now, I feel like I
avoided a scary, embarrassing situation.
I stare at Hannah for a moment, finally deciding to tell her
the truth. Making up elaborate lies is too hard when I’m drunk and emotional. At
least, trying to be convincing is.
“He wanted to have sex with me and I left the room,” I say,
trying not to say too much.
“Wait, you left?” she asks, brow wrinkled. I sigh. Goddamn.
“Hannah, I’m a v-i-r-g-i-n. You know, the V-team,” I finally
say, rolling my eyes at how stupid I must appear to her. She smiles at me.
“Me too,” she says with a grin and I suddenly feel lighter
inside. She understands. I feel more comfortable telling her the rest now.
“I wanted to fuck his brains out…but it’s nerve wracking
when you’ve never slept with anyone before. I’m sure he’s been with tons of
girls,” I blurt out in a rush. She squeezes my hand.
“Let’s go back downstairs, snatch,” she says with a smile
and we head toward the door together and back into drunken, dancing oblivion.
#######################
Vision blurred, dark day sickness cured
Falling down the daylight crush
Nighttime fun, a dark done lush
Spirits rise, symphonic hues
Brightened lights and black and blues
Twilight dense with shadows bright
Sea like waves and crests of white
Purest memories, vision lost
Stumbling feet, bought at a cost
Twirling spot light, weighted down
Heavy hands, feel not a pound
Tilting over, spun around
Memory
Sight and sound
#######################
All I can think about is sex and I’ve never even had sex
before. I don’t know why I haven't, because I’ve had plenty of opportunities. I
feel like I’m scared of sex. I’m scared because I think it will hurt me the
first time and it makes me nervous. I want someone to treat me right. I want to
know I won’t get hurt and that it won't be embarrassing. I’m really not the
kind of girl to let a bunch of guys run a train on me. I don’t want a lot of
one night stands. I mean, I like to dance, I like to be sexy, but when it comes
down to actually going all the way, I get scared and I always say no. A lot of
girls have had sex when they were younger than me. I feel kind of old to still
be a virgin, but I haven’t been in the right situation yet.
But oh shit, I want Jared to fuck me. Seriously…why do
some people just touch a nerve or something? I can’t believe I walked away. Part
of me wishes I had gone through with it and part of me is damn glad I didn’t. I
just can’t stop wondering what he thinks. What does a girl running away from a
situation like that typically mean?
November 18, 2004
R for getting recrunkulated
My assignment is to write about a place that has good
fung shui. I have decided to write about my bedroom at my parents’ house.
My place is at the top of the stairs, and down a short
hallway, the door at the very end. The room isn’t too big, maybe 10’x14’, just
big enough for a double sized bed, a night stand, two dressers, a trunk, a
fairly large closet and some floor space.
My room is a disgusting powder pink. At some age,
probably 10, I decided that I was really into pink. I’ve cursed myself ever
since then because I think I only liked pink for two seconds.
looking that she’s smiling, following along behind my hectic pace.
“Nothing. We fooled around,” I say, not looking back at her.
She pulls on my hand.
“You did!” she exclaims, her mouth a wide O of surprise,
until she gets a peek at my face. Then her smile falls a bit. “Wait, Victoria,
stop, tell me what happened?” she says, pulling so hard that I have to stop and
face her. I feel as though I might cry, but I don’t want to. I want to get
something to drink, dance and feel sexy and not feel as though I just led
someone on and didn’t give up the goods. I am lame. No more second chances
for me. I have a sudden flash of insight that I’m going to hate myself with
a passion tomorrow for what I’ve done tonight. But right now, I feel like I
avoided a scary, embarrassing situation.
I stare at Hannah for a moment, finally deciding to tell her
the truth. Making up elaborate lies is too hard when I’m drunk and emotional. At
least, trying to be convincing is.
“He wanted to have sex with me and I left the room,” I say,
trying not to say too much.
“Wait, you left?” she asks, brow wrinkled. I sigh. Goddamn.
“Hannah, I’m a v-i-r-g-i-n. You know, the V-team,” I finally
say, rolling my eyes at how stupid I must appear to her. She smiles at me.
“Me too,” she says with a grin and I suddenly feel lighter
inside. She understands. I feel more comfortable telling her the rest now.
“I wanted to fuck his brains out…but it’s nerve wracking
when you’ve never slept with anyone before. I’m sure he’s been with tons of
girls,” I blurt out in a rush. She squeezes my hand.
“Let’s go back downstairs, snatch,” she says with a smile
and we head toward the door together and back into drunken, dancing oblivion.
#######################
Vision blurred, dark day sickness cured
Falling down the daylight crush
Nighttime fun, a dark done lush
Spirits rise, symphonic hues
Brightened lights and black and blues
Twilight dense with shadows bright
Sea like waves and crests of white
Purest memories, vision lost
Stumbling feet, bought at a cost
Twirling spot light, weighted down
Heavy hands, feel not a pound
Tilting over, spun around
Memory
Sight and sound
#######################
All I can think about is sex and I’ve never even had sex
before. I don’t know why I haven't, because I’ve had plenty of opportunities. I
feel like I’m scared of sex. I’m scared because I think it will hurt me the
first time and it makes me nervous. I want someone to treat me right. I want to
know I won’t get hurt and that it won't be embarrassing. I’m really not the
kind of girl to let a bunch of guys run a train on me. I don’t want a lot of
one night stands. I mean, I like to dance, I like to be sexy, but when it comes
down to actually going all the way, I get scared and I always say no. A lot of
girls have had sex when they were younger than me. I feel kind of old to still
be a virgin, but I haven’t been in the right situation yet.
But oh shit, I want Jared to fuck me. Seriously…why do
some people just touch a nerve or something? I can’t believe I walked away. Part
of me wishes I had gone through with it and part of me is damn glad I didn’t. I
just can’t stop wondering what he thinks. What does a girl running away from a
situation like that typically mean?
November 18, 2004
R for getting recrunkulated
My assignment is to write about a place that has good
fung shui. I have decided to write about my bedroom at my parents’ house.
My place is at the top of the stairs, and down a short
hallway, the door at the very end. The room isn’t too big, maybe 10’x14’, just
big enough for a double sized bed, a night stand, two dressers, a trunk, a
fairly large closet and some floor space.
My room is a disgusting powder pink. At some age,
probably 10, I decided that I was really into pink. I’ve cursed myself ever
since then because I think I only liked pink for two seconds.
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