going to take advantage of it.
He’s kissing me harder now, running his hands up the zipper
at the back of my top, one hand under my ass, trying to feel up inside my skirt
where my black thigh highs end and my thong begins. When he finally gets where
he’s been trying to go, I jump because I’m not used to male hands there
unexpectedly. I’ve been paying too much attention to where his mouth is and
where his other hand is.
“You’re wet,” he mumbles and pulling away I can see his eyes
sparkling again and his sexy smile comes back and I’m just lost in it.
“I want you,” I say, trying to be suave Victoria, trying not
to jump at where his fingers are moving. He reaches behind me and in one motion
unzips my top, tossing it across the room and then his clever hands are
unhooking my bra and suddenly I’m topless.
“So beautiful,” he murmurs, kissing my chest as I arch my
back to give him full access. “Dance for me,” he finally says, pushing me up
off his lap and getting up to turn on some music.
“Ok,” I agree as dirty rap music pours through the speakers,
each bump of the bass beat like secret fingers moving over my body, telling me
what to do. I do all the sexiest dances I know and I can tell it’s working
because his eyes are glittering even more in the half light. He watches me with
this tiny half grin, his mouth hitched up on one side and I know he’s a
stranger, a stranger who is turned on by me and I know I don’t know him and
it’s kind of exciting, kind of scary, and kind of sexy.
He gets up, pulling me toward him as he sits back on the
bed, his fingers tracing over my arching curving body and he seems mesmerized. I
feel more powerful than I have in weeks. He is sexy and he is paying attention
to me. Not someone else, me.
He pulls me back toward the bed, fumbling with his shorts,
his mouth glued to mine and suddenly I realize that he is definitely bent on
having drunk sex. Drunk sex with a… virgin. It’s like sober crazy
Victoria has suddenly popped up, telling me no, no, no, you can’t have sex. You’re
a virgin. Sex is scary and going too far. You can’t do it.
All of a sudden I’m tense and the world is crystal clear, my
head sober as Sunday and I know I don’t know him. I start to panic, thinking ,
I want to know him, I’m dying to know him and let him fuck me, but I know I
don’t. He’s a stranger. How can I just hook up with him here? I will embarrass
myself! How will he handle the fact that I’m a virgin!? It would be a show
stopper, so I should put a stop to this shit show now and not wait for that to
happen! OMG!! I push on his chest as he hovers over me and I hear myself
saying,
“I have to go. I have to find my friends.”
He pulls back a bit, smiling at me, a little half quirked
grin, sort of questioning.
“I’m sorry, I have to go,” I repeat, like an echo.
“Ok,” he finally says, shaking his head, as he lifts himself
off me. I jump up, trying not to pay attention to his reaction, trying to find
my bra and top amidst the clutter of the room. He just sits there, looking
speechless that suddenly our sexual games have ended. But I’m out the door twisting
my bustier around to the front in the hallway not daring to look back. I’m
still drunk, feet totally unsteady. I can’t believe I just walked out of that
room, left him there. It was like the fear actually got to me when I was drunk. Drunk, scared me. What the hell? I fumble my way down the hall and
finally down the stairs that seem to be going in the right direction. On the
first floor I spot Hannah and I can tell she thinks I look disheveled.
“Where have you been?” she asks with a suggestive grin.
“Upstairs with Jared,” I blurt, pulling on her hand toward
the door to the basement. Time for more alcohol and more dancing, no more
danger . I need my heart to stop beating so hard. I need to forget that I
just ran away from the hottest guy ever.
“Well what happened?” she asks and I can
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