than I thought it would be.
“It’s in the best interest of the child. Would it hurt to be a little more graceful?”
“Yeah, it would. It would hurt a hell of a lot. When this is done, I want a new handler.”
I turned away. I couldn’t look at him. Part of me wanted to rant about what he was making me do. In a lot of ways, he was making me relive the worst failure of my life. I’d failed as a woman and a lover. Hell, it was why I was in this mess to begin with. Now, I had to play all sweet lover to a man who would use me, again. Granted, this time I knew it ahead of time and knew the reason why, but it didn’t salve the aching hole in my heart, even for Elizabeth.
The one man, or angel as the case may be, I’d trusted above everyone in life and death had betrayed me. How could I live with that?
Simple—one day at a time because there was absolutely no choice for the moment. I hated that most of all.
Chapter Nine
I lay there around the tiny body, snuggling it close in the dark. How had my perfectly ordered life gone to hell in a day?
Elizabeth whimpered in her sleep. Hugging her close, I kissed her temple and she relaxed into me with a sweet smile. For a heartbeat, I wondered what might have been if I’d taken a different course. Would I have had children? Chris hadn’t wanted them, but he had proved not to be my future. If I’d not jumped off that bridge, would I have picked up the pieces and moved on? I’d honestly never thought about it before now.
The engagement ring on my finger winked in the dim light of the cracked door. It felt old. Don’t ask me why, but it did. I was betting that the delay in getting back from the police scene had been an emergency meeting with an afterhours bank manager with a vault key. It felt wrong to be wearing it on oh, so many levels.
Elizabeth jerked awake, effectively cutting off my maudlin thoughts of what-ifs. She blinked as she focused on me. I watched her brow furrow with confusion then something flashed in her eyes far beyond her years.
“Shhh,” I whispered. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
“My mommy isn’t coming back, is she, Miss Bella?”
The voice was scared, but I was impressed there was no panic in it. Gavreel may have tinkered with her mind, but he’d not erased it. For some reason, I was grateful for that small fact. It made me feel better about him despite what he’d done to me.
Cuddling her close, I sighed. How do I handle this? What do you say to make it all better? Nothing. All I had was the truth and there wasn’t much comfort in it.
“No, Elizabeth, she isn’t. She loved you very much, but she’s gone to live with the angels. Mr. Gray and I are going to keep you safe until they catch the bad man, then we’re going to find you a place to live where you can be happy.”
“But I want my mommy.”
If it had been me at that age, I would have wailed it. Elizabeth’s voice was small and frightened in the darkness, but a cornerstone of strength ran through it. It impressed me. I don’t know why, but the fact she was being rational made me look at her like she was older than her years.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I’m the best you’ve got at the moment. Did you have an aunt or uncle that we could call, maybe? Someone you’d like to stay with better?”
“No.” Her bottom lip quivered as the first tear fell. “It was just me and Mommy.”
I lay there in the darkness and held her while she cried. I said silly things, soothing things until her breathing evened out into sleep. I looked up to the doorway and my eyes met Gray’s across the expanse of hardwood floor.
I’d not heard him listening, nor felt his presence, but the look on his face left me no doubt he’d witnessed the entire scene. Without any conscious effort on his part, the interior switch that contained his aura flipped on and it washed across the room to me. The strength of it called to me, offering me a comfort I craved as surely as the child in my arms did.
“It’s in the best interest of the child. Would it hurt to be a little more graceful?”
“Yeah, it would. It would hurt a hell of a lot. When this is done, I want a new handler.”
I turned away. I couldn’t look at him. Part of me wanted to rant about what he was making me do. In a lot of ways, he was making me relive the worst failure of my life. I’d failed as a woman and a lover. Hell, it was why I was in this mess to begin with. Now, I had to play all sweet lover to a man who would use me, again. Granted, this time I knew it ahead of time and knew the reason why, but it didn’t salve the aching hole in my heart, even for Elizabeth.
The one man, or angel as the case may be, I’d trusted above everyone in life and death had betrayed me. How could I live with that?
Simple—one day at a time because there was absolutely no choice for the moment. I hated that most of all.
Chapter Nine
I lay there around the tiny body, snuggling it close in the dark. How had my perfectly ordered life gone to hell in a day?
Elizabeth whimpered in her sleep. Hugging her close, I kissed her temple and she relaxed into me with a sweet smile. For a heartbeat, I wondered what might have been if I’d taken a different course. Would I have had children? Chris hadn’t wanted them, but he had proved not to be my future. If I’d not jumped off that bridge, would I have picked up the pieces and moved on? I’d honestly never thought about it before now.
The engagement ring on my finger winked in the dim light of the cracked door. It felt old. Don’t ask me why, but it did. I was betting that the delay in getting back from the police scene had been an emergency meeting with an afterhours bank manager with a vault key. It felt wrong to be wearing it on oh, so many levels.
Elizabeth jerked awake, effectively cutting off my maudlin thoughts of what-ifs. She blinked as she focused on me. I watched her brow furrow with confusion then something flashed in her eyes far beyond her years.
“Shhh,” I whispered. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
“My mommy isn’t coming back, is she, Miss Bella?”
The voice was scared, but I was impressed there was no panic in it. Gavreel may have tinkered with her mind, but he’d not erased it. For some reason, I was grateful for that small fact. It made me feel better about him despite what he’d done to me.
Cuddling her close, I sighed. How do I handle this? What do you say to make it all better? Nothing. All I had was the truth and there wasn’t much comfort in it.
“No, Elizabeth, she isn’t. She loved you very much, but she’s gone to live with the angels. Mr. Gray and I are going to keep you safe until they catch the bad man, then we’re going to find you a place to live where you can be happy.”
“But I want my mommy.”
If it had been me at that age, I would have wailed it. Elizabeth’s voice was small and frightened in the darkness, but a cornerstone of strength ran through it. It impressed me. I don’t know why, but the fact she was being rational made me look at her like she was older than her years.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I’m the best you’ve got at the moment. Did you have an aunt or uncle that we could call, maybe? Someone you’d like to stay with better?”
“No.” Her bottom lip quivered as the first tear fell. “It was just me and Mommy.”
I lay there in the darkness and held her while she cried. I said silly things, soothing things until her breathing evened out into sleep. I looked up to the doorway and my eyes met Gray’s across the expanse of hardwood floor.
I’d not heard him listening, nor felt his presence, but the look on his face left me no doubt he’d witnessed the entire scene. Without any conscious effort on his part, the interior switch that contained his aura flipped on and it washed across the room to me. The strength of it called to me, offering me a comfort I craved as surely as the child in my arms did.
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