evening sunlight.
“Should we go back to my house or is there somewhere else you wanted to go?” Jack
asked.
“I remembered this time you took me to Vulcan and we had a picnic and…”
Jack smiled. “Yep, he’s still there.” He motioned toward his truck. “Come on. I’ll
drive.”
Birmingham had the largest iron statue in the country and this Roman god, Vulcan,
stared over the city with his bare bottom and a raised fist, proclaiming the power
of steel and its ability to form a city out of the deep iron ore in the red dirt.
The Magic City.
Jack parked and Kate looked up at the iron edifice, remembering the first time he’d
brought her here and how she’d believed that love itself was a god, that it could
conquer anything. But obviously lesser gods had conquered.
With evening fading to night, Kate and Jack sat at a picnic table facing one another.
“So, Katie, tell me why you’re here.”
“I don’t really know how I want to say what I want to say.”
“Just start,” he said.
“It’s so messed up and confusing, so I’m not sure it will come out right. But here’s
the thing. I’ve been dating this guy, Rowan, for four years now and I still … doubt.
And I know this is crazy, but I felt like if I talked to you I could get to the other
side of that doubt. I mean, you found a way to … move on, and I’m hoping I can do
the same. Something is … stopping me.”
“You think I’m stopping you?” He leaned back, as if moving away from her words, from
her.
“No, not you. It’s something in me.” She sighed, digging for the right words. “You
moved on and had a child and made a life. I haven’t been able to do that. I’ve been
running and avoiding and denying, and now I’ve finally met this amazing guy. I found
an engagement ring in his bedside drawer … and I want to commit. I do. But I needed
to see you. I want to ask the terrible questions. I want to understand. Is that okay?”
“It’s okay, but why do you feel like you need to see me after all this time? I don’t
get it.” He took off his sunglasses and those green eyes, the same ones that had been
on their daughter’s sweet face, stared back at Kate.
“When I look back on those days, I see that I was such a mess. I know we made the
decision about Luna together. I know that we talked until we both couldn’t stand it
any longer, but to do what I did I had to shut my heart completely. I slammed it shut.”
“I’m sorry. I am. I don’t know how to go back and change things.”
“I don’t either. I think that’s the point. I want to know—what happened? I’ve gone
from hating you to loving you at least a million times. I want to know. It might help.
I mean, why did you marry Maggie and not wait for me to finish with my job?”
Her words seemed a weight, slumping his shoulders and head forward. “I did wait. I’ve
gone over this in my head, too. What could I have done differently? How could I have
changed things?” He sat straighter as if shaking off the past. “I asked you to come
home. I loved you. I waited. And then I waited some more. You didn’t come home. You
wrote letters about all the fabulous things you were doing and seeing. Then you came
to visit me and promised you’d give your notice, but you didn’t.”
“Lida…” she said.
“And then I waited some more.”
“I know.” Her explanations and reasons and rationales no longer mattered even as they
begged to again be spoken.
“When I finally mattered to you, it was too late. Sometimes, Katie, it’s too late
for something. And by the time you came home pregnant, it was too damn late.”
She nodded.
“So, to answer your question—I didn’t stop loving you. Not once. But I did stop believing. There is the difference.”
“I get it,” she said and stood. “God, I’m so stupid. I knew all this. You were always
clear about it. I don’t know why I thought that coming here
“Should we go back to my house or is there somewhere else you wanted to go?” Jack
asked.
“I remembered this time you took me to Vulcan and we had a picnic and…”
Jack smiled. “Yep, he’s still there.” He motioned toward his truck. “Come on. I’ll
drive.”
Birmingham had the largest iron statue in the country and this Roman god, Vulcan,
stared over the city with his bare bottom and a raised fist, proclaiming the power
of steel and its ability to form a city out of the deep iron ore in the red dirt.
The Magic City.
Jack parked and Kate looked up at the iron edifice, remembering the first time he’d
brought her here and how she’d believed that love itself was a god, that it could
conquer anything. But obviously lesser gods had conquered.
With evening fading to night, Kate and Jack sat at a picnic table facing one another.
“So, Katie, tell me why you’re here.”
“I don’t really know how I want to say what I want to say.”
“Just start,” he said.
“It’s so messed up and confusing, so I’m not sure it will come out right. But here’s
the thing. I’ve been dating this guy, Rowan, for four years now and I still … doubt.
And I know this is crazy, but I felt like if I talked to you I could get to the other
side of that doubt. I mean, you found a way to … move on, and I’m hoping I can do
the same. Something is … stopping me.”
“You think I’m stopping you?” He leaned back, as if moving away from her words, from
her.
“No, not you. It’s something in me.” She sighed, digging for the right words. “You
moved on and had a child and made a life. I haven’t been able to do that. I’ve been
running and avoiding and denying, and now I’ve finally met this amazing guy. I found
an engagement ring in his bedside drawer … and I want to commit. I do. But I needed
to see you. I want to ask the terrible questions. I want to understand. Is that okay?”
“It’s okay, but why do you feel like you need to see me after all this time? I don’t
get it.” He took off his sunglasses and those green eyes, the same ones that had been
on their daughter’s sweet face, stared back at Kate.
“When I look back on those days, I see that I was such a mess. I know we made the
decision about Luna together. I know that we talked until we both couldn’t stand it
any longer, but to do what I did I had to shut my heart completely. I slammed it shut.”
“I’m sorry. I am. I don’t know how to go back and change things.”
“I don’t either. I think that’s the point. I want to know—what happened? I’ve gone
from hating you to loving you at least a million times. I want to know. It might help.
I mean, why did you marry Maggie and not wait for me to finish with my job?”
Her words seemed a weight, slumping his shoulders and head forward. “I did wait. I’ve
gone over this in my head, too. What could I have done differently? How could I have
changed things?” He sat straighter as if shaking off the past. “I asked you to come
home. I loved you. I waited. And then I waited some more. You didn’t come home. You
wrote letters about all the fabulous things you were doing and seeing. Then you came
to visit me and promised you’d give your notice, but you didn’t.”
“Lida…” she said.
“And then I waited some more.”
“I know.” Her explanations and reasons and rationales no longer mattered even as they
begged to again be spoken.
“When I finally mattered to you, it was too late. Sometimes, Katie, it’s too late
for something. And by the time you came home pregnant, it was too damn late.”
She nodded.
“So, to answer your question—I didn’t stop loving you. Not once. But I did stop believing. There is the difference.”
“I get it,” she said and stood. “God, I’m so stupid. I knew all this. You were always
clear about it. I don’t know why I thought that coming here
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