America's Galactic Foreign Legion - Book 21: Breaking Very Bad by Walter Knight

pistol. The Intelligentsia officers quickly drew their weapons, too, expecting as much. Pride. It’s the downfall of many.
    “Do not make this any more unpleasant than it has to be. Go to your quarters, pack your gear, and get out. I’m running the DMZ now. If you ever even think about drawing a weapon on me again, I’ll gun you down, regardless of your shirttail relation to the Emperor. Understand?”
    The spider commander calmed, removing his claw from his pistol. “This is not over.”
     
    * * * * *
     
    Skyler Whyte settled in quickly, shopping for baby clothes at the New Gobi City DMZ Walmart. Although warned not to cross the red border line painted across the middle of the store until she obtained her passport, Skyler forgot, straying into Sporting Goods and the Arthropodan Empire. She was immediately stopped by a spider security guard. “Show me identification, human pestilence.”
    “Pardon me?” asked Skyler. “Don’t use that tone with me.”
    “All human pestilence are required to show ID,” insisted the spider security guard. “Fail to do so at your peril.”
    “I’ll have you know my husband is a legionnaire. Who do you spiders think you are, accosting me?”
    “ You spiders ?” asked the spider security guard, taking her by the elbow. “Come with me.”
    “Help! He’s is attacking me! I’m pregnant! Molester! I’m being abducted by aliens!”
    The spider security guard wove web restraints over Skyler. She dropped to the floor, refusing to walk. She seemed to hyperventilate, taking quick breaths as if going into labor. As she was dragged past the Hardware Department, Skyler began yelling for help, again. The spider security guard procured a roll of duct tape to silence the insane ear-piercing human pestilence female. Ha! Another use for duct tape.
     
    * * * * *
     
    Because Skyler had mentioned a Legion connection, she was taken to the Arthropodan Marine Headquarters in North New Gobi City. The spider commander was still cleaning out his office when Skyler was dragged in, kicking and screaming. He removed the duct tape from her mouth.
    “How dare you lay claws on me! Don’t you know I’m pregnant? My water has broken. I’m going to give birth on your floor just to spite you all. When the Legion finds out, they will bomb you to rubble!”
    The spider commander put the duct tape securely back across Skyler’s mouth. “Does she ever shut up?”
    “Apparently not,” answered the spider security guard. “Careful, she tried to bite me on the way over from Walmart.”
    “Does her human pestilence husband not properly beat her?” wondered the spider commander rhetorically. “What is her charge?”
    “Being an uncontrollable female out of season.”
    “It’s just a misdemeanor,” commented the spider commander, removing the duct tape again. “How do you plead?”
    “Not guilty! Let me go, you cretin. I have Constitutional rights!
    “Not here in the Empire. I find you guilty as charged, and sentence you to six months hard labor on the moon.”
    “That’s outrageous.”
    “The work will do you good, help you lose some of that weight.”
    “Are you saying I’m fat?”
    “A bit toward your pear-shaped bottom.”
    “Alien bastard!”
    “It just so happens I’m leaving for the moon today on a new assignment. I’ll escort you myself, Mrs. Whyte.”
    “How did you know my name?”
    “Major Lopez of the Legion told me all about your husband and his posse, Pink, Badger, and Skinny Pete,” explained the spider commander, securing the duct tape again. “We’re all going to do business on the moon.”
     
    * * * * *
     
    When Private Whyte returned from leave, he was immediately confronted by Pink. “How do you rate a trip to Old Earth, and I get nothing?” asked Pink, upset. “Not even a ‘thank you’ for saving the world from that boney demon with the razor.”
    “Colonel Czerinski is our guardian angel,” explained Whyte. “He owes us. Keep that favor in your hip