Alice Brown's Lessons in the Curious Art of Dating by Eleanor Prescott

almost worked, she thought as she hugged her knees together and wiggled her much-improved toes in the foot spa. Until he looked down. There was no way Alice would manage tottering to the bus stop in her heels, and even
her
powerful imagination stopped short of the hero scooping up the heroine in a backless dress and grubby trainers.
    ‘Oh well,’ she thought as she clicked off the foot spa and reached for a towel. She’d just have to meet Mr Perfect another night. It was a shame though. Now that she’d seen herself in heels and a posh frock, even she knew she’d have her work cut out getting Prince Charming struck by a thunderbolt and pledging his undying love whilst she was wearing a cardy.



AUDREY

    ‘Max, good morning! How are you?’
    Audrey was using her best telephone voice and was smiling into the receiver. Years ago she’d paid an exorbitant fee for a session with a life coach. All the other agency owners were doing it and she was damned if she was going to be left out. He’d been a total waste of money, and the only thing she could remember was his instruction to smile on the telephone. Smiling softened the vocal cords; people were more likely to do business with you, he’d promised. Audrey didn’t like to do it if the girls could see. But this morning she was smiling most determinedly for Max Higgert.
    ‘Ah, Audrey.’ Max sounded tense. ‘I’m well, thank you. And you?’
    ‘Oh, I’m marvellous,’ Audrey simpered. So few clients bothered with basic courtesies. She’d somehow known that Max was a cut above. ‘I just thought I’d give you a tinkle to see how your lunch date with Penelope Huffington went yesterday. She’s a dream, isn’t she?’
    ‘She was . . . um . . . a lovely woman. Very, er . . .’
    ‘Educated!’ Audrey gushed. She’d scoured the agency books to find the right lady for Max, and Penelope was perfect.
    ‘Yes, very well educated.’
    ‘And elegant!’
    ‘Ah, yes.’
    ‘And cultured!’ Audrey played her trump card. Men like Max prized a cultured woman.
    ‘Very! I felt like the village idiot!’
    ‘So you liked her then? You clicked? I knew you would!’
    ‘Ah ...’
    ‘I
knew
you’d have a marvellous time!’
    ‘It was very nice, Audrey, but, um, well, it wasn’t quite what I’d hoped for.’
    Audrey blinked. ‘I’m sorry?’ Her smile dropped a notch.
    Max coughed.
    ‘Well, as I said, or you said, or one of us said,’ he faltered, ‘. . . she’s charming and educated and cultured and probably perfect for very many people. But, ah, I don’t think I was her cup of tea, actually.’
    ‘You’re quite wrong. I’ve had her on the phone already. She asked me to organize a second date.’
    ‘Oh, right. Well, that’s very flattering. That she wanted to meet again, I mean. And please, tell her thank you. But . . .’
    ‘She comes from the Whitting family, you know, the merchant bankers? They own the Whitting Country Club. Such lovely people. They’ve had money for generations. And Penelope’s a great lover of the arts, always attendinglaunches and exhibitions. And she helps out at the cathedral with their fundraising concerts. She does so much for charity, Penelope. Such a wonderful woman!’
    ‘Yes, certainly. But I’m afraid I don’t think we’re right for each other.’
    ‘Oh, don’t be silly! You’re a perfect match.’
    Audrey’s smile clattered around her jawbone. Bugger smiling; her muscles hurt.
    Max continued nervously. ‘Actually, I was wondering if there was anyone else you had in mind. Someone
not
so educated and cultured and accomplished.’
    ‘Oh.’
    ‘Someone warm . . . and kind. Someone a bit more . . .
normal
!’
    ‘Right, I see.’ Audrey patted her hair in bewilderment. ‘But well-groomed though? And elegant?’
    ‘Well, I don’t really . . .’
    ‘Someone who can entertain your clients and accompany you to dinner parties?’
    ‘That’s not quite wha—’
    ‘Of course, Penelope is a little uptight. Actually, I’ve