Again by Lisa Burstein Page B

cheeks ignited. The tone in his voice made it clear he was repeating
himself. I knew from my last time around he hated repeating himself, hated
anything he deemed a waste of his very valuable time.
    I
breathed out, gathering my composure, trying to cool the heat in my face, stop
my heart from beating in my throat. Everyone hated when people looked at them,
but I really did. In my case, they thought a lot more than the typical crap
people did when they got called out in class. 
    “What?”
I asked, buying time, even though it was no use. I hadn’t heard his question.
There was only one question in my head.
    Was Kate okay?
    “What
is the most significant purpose of the US Constitution?” He sighed. “That is, if
you can spare your attention to answer.”
    I
cleared my throat. My studying had at least prepared me for this. “Conferring
power on the national government and limiting the power of national and state
government,” I recited word for word from one of the chapters due today.
    He
paused, didn’t even blink, making it clear he would never lose to me even if I
was winning right now. “Correct,” he said, “lucky for you. Moving on…” He
turned back to the dry erase board and started writing.
    Had
he called on me because I wasn’t paying attention, or because he thought I’d
gotten off easy? That I should have left school like some of the other guys
had.
    I’d
considered it, and as much as I hated what my father had done to make sure I
could stay, I deserved it. Being stuck in the place where Jeanie had been hurt,
where I hadn’t done anything to help her, was the ideal punishment. I needed to
remember, and leaving would only make me forget. I had no right to forget.
    I probably
would have skipped taking Professor Parker’s class, but I had to. It was one of
the last ones I needed to make up from the mess I’d made second semester
freshman year. This class was supposed to be easy. I mean, I was a senior in a
freshman level class. Why was I making it harder by caring about Kate?
    I
gathered my things together quickly when class was over, but I couldn’t escape
before Professor Parker yelled for me to stay behind above the din of everyone
leaving.
    I
took a deep breath and walked to the front of the classroom. I was totally not
in the mood for a face to face with Professor Parker. I was never in the mood
for a face to face with anyone.
    “You
do know you need my class to graduate,” he said, squinting.
    “Yes
sir.”
    Sir
was a word I learned to use after what happened to Jeanie, sir and ma’am. There
were so many people demanding my attention then, demanding my respect. Sir and
ma’am was how I gave it. A word was the very least I could do, but it was also
my way of keeping everyone from getting to me too much.
    If
they were only sir and ma’am they weren’t people—asking things of me, requiring
things of me, looking down on me. The only person who mattered was Jeanie and
that was why I always called her Jeanie.
    Not that
girl , like my father did, or that stupid slut like some of the guys
from the frat did, or even plaintiff like the lawyers and the papers
did. She was Jeanie. She was a person and she had a name.
    “Then
you better start acting like it,” Professor Parker said, sliding papers into
his leather bag. “You can also tell your friend Ms. Thompson ,” he said,
punctuating her last name, “if she misses another class I’m kicking her out.”
    My friend, was that what she was? I mean, I’d spoken with her a total of four times in a week, but
I’d also gone to a party to make sure she was safe. I’d also kissed her. I’d
also desired and denied myself a lot more.
    “It’s
not her fault,” I said, searching for an explanation. “Her roommate was super sick
and she had to take her to the health center.”
    I
guess I was going to keep trying to save Kate. She might have said she didn’t
need me, but that had nothing to do with me needing