Ben had left an undershirt behind and it had gotten lost in the covers. She stared at it, almost afraid to touch it, but then she snatched it up, pressed it to her chest, and breathed it in. Although it had been hidden for nearly two months, it still smelled faintly of his Old Spice deodorant. She held it tightly to her face, soaking it with the tears that were gushing from her eyes, and then suddenly clutched her stomach, afraid she might be sick.
****
She had taken a sedative to get to sleep. She had been taking them ever since her father had given her one the first night. It was the only way she could turn off her thoughts and the ache and get some rest. She had a deep, dreamless sleep, exactly the kind she liked, and woke up the next morning feeling numb and empty as always. She went downstairs where Lacey was making breakfast.
“Good morning,” Lacey said as she turned a pancake. “I figured I’d make us breakfast. The bacon’s done, now I’m just waiting on these,” she said pointing to the griddle.
“Thanks,” Kathryn said walking over to the counter and grabbing a greasy piece of bacon. She bit into it and her stomach began to turn. She dropped the bacon and ran to the bathroom, making it just in time. She rinsed her mouth when she was done and went back into the kitchen where Lacey was staring at her with concern.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Kathryn said taking the plate of bacon over to their small dining table. Lacey followed with the pancakes and a jug of orange juice. They sat down and began filling their plates. Kathryn drenched her pancakes with the warm syrup that was waiting on the table. As she smeared the syrup around, she laid the fork down in defeat.
“I’m sorry Lacey, but I don’t think I can eat this,” she finally said, her stomach feeling nauseous again.
“Is your stomach still bothering you?”
“Yeah. I haven’t felt the best lately. I must be getting a bug or something.”
“I heard you throw up yesterday morning when you got here too,” Lacey said raising her eyebrows.
“Like I said, I think I have a stomach bug. I’ll be fine,” she assured her friend, taking a bite of the pancakes and then regretting it.
“Are you sure it’s just a stomach bug?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” Lacey asked again.
“I’m fine Lacey,” Kathryn said starting to get annoyed. “What are you getting at?”
“Is there any way it might not be just a stomach bug?”
“Yes! What else could it be?” Kathryn responded with frustration.
“Could you…I mean is it possible…” Lacey stammered and then backed off. “Never mind.”
“Wait,” Kathryn laughed suddenly understanding what Lacey was being so cryptic about. “You think I’m pregnant?”
“I don’t know. Could you be?” Lacey asked in such a low whisper that Kathryn barely heard her.
She stopped, dropping the fork onto the plate with a loud clank. Part of her wanted to jump up and start screaming at Lacey for making such a ridiculous insinuation, but the other part, the logical part, remained calm and began thinking about what Lacey had just said. For the last couple of months she had been nauseous nearly every morning. She had attributed that to the grieving process. She had also gained weight, but again, she had blamed this on Ben’s death. While she still found it difficult to eat, when she did, it was all the wrong foods, junk and empty calories. That had been the cause of the weight gain, or so she thought. And now that she was thinking about it, she couldn’t recall the last time she’d had a period. She had been so consumed with Ben’s death, she had completely neglected herself. Suddenly her abdomen was filled with nerves and dread and her stomach felt sick again. Then she met Lacey’s eyes.
“Kathryn…” Lacey said quietly.
“Oh my gosh,” was all she could say.
****
Kathryn sat
****
She had taken a sedative to get to sleep. She had been taking them ever since her father had given her one the first night. It was the only way she could turn off her thoughts and the ache and get some rest. She had a deep, dreamless sleep, exactly the kind she liked, and woke up the next morning feeling numb and empty as always. She went downstairs where Lacey was making breakfast.
“Good morning,” Lacey said as she turned a pancake. “I figured I’d make us breakfast. The bacon’s done, now I’m just waiting on these,” she said pointing to the griddle.
“Thanks,” Kathryn said walking over to the counter and grabbing a greasy piece of bacon. She bit into it and her stomach began to turn. She dropped the bacon and ran to the bathroom, making it just in time. She rinsed her mouth when she was done and went back into the kitchen where Lacey was staring at her with concern.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Kathryn said taking the plate of bacon over to their small dining table. Lacey followed with the pancakes and a jug of orange juice. They sat down and began filling their plates. Kathryn drenched her pancakes with the warm syrup that was waiting on the table. As she smeared the syrup around, she laid the fork down in defeat.
“I’m sorry Lacey, but I don’t think I can eat this,” she finally said, her stomach feeling nauseous again.
“Is your stomach still bothering you?”
“Yeah. I haven’t felt the best lately. I must be getting a bug or something.”
“I heard you throw up yesterday morning when you got here too,” Lacey said raising her eyebrows.
“Like I said, I think I have a stomach bug. I’ll be fine,” she assured her friend, taking a bite of the pancakes and then regretting it.
“Are you sure it’s just a stomach bug?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” Lacey asked again.
“I’m fine Lacey,” Kathryn said starting to get annoyed. “What are you getting at?”
“Is there any way it might not be just a stomach bug?”
“Yes! What else could it be?” Kathryn responded with frustration.
“Could you…I mean is it possible…” Lacey stammered and then backed off. “Never mind.”
“Wait,” Kathryn laughed suddenly understanding what Lacey was being so cryptic about. “You think I’m pregnant?”
“I don’t know. Could you be?” Lacey asked in such a low whisper that Kathryn barely heard her.
She stopped, dropping the fork onto the plate with a loud clank. Part of her wanted to jump up and start screaming at Lacey for making such a ridiculous insinuation, but the other part, the logical part, remained calm and began thinking about what Lacey had just said. For the last couple of months she had been nauseous nearly every morning. She had attributed that to the grieving process. She had also gained weight, but again, she had blamed this on Ben’s death. While she still found it difficult to eat, when she did, it was all the wrong foods, junk and empty calories. That had been the cause of the weight gain, or so she thought. And now that she was thinking about it, she couldn’t recall the last time she’d had a period. She had been so consumed with Ben’s death, she had completely neglected herself. Suddenly her abdomen was filled with nerves and dread and her stomach felt sick again. Then she met Lacey’s eyes.
“Kathryn…” Lacey said quietly.
“Oh my gosh,” was all she could say.
****
Kathryn sat
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