After All by Jolene Betty Perry

who was so perfect and gorgeous and fun. Hated it.
    She nearly unwound me as she crawled around in her car in her cutoffs, and small tank. After doing everything in my power to watch the movie instead of watching her watch the movie, we were driving home.
    It was way too soon and not soon enough.
    “Wait.” She glanced my way. “Where’s your car?”
    “At work. Took a cab to meet you downtown. Long story involving parking lot construction and my lateness.”
    “Do we need to get it?”
    I shook my head. I didn’t want to say goodnight to her in the parking lot at my work. “I’ll deal tomorrow.”
    “How? That sucks. Let’s just do it now.” She smiled wide. “You can show me your office.”
    Flashes of a few things I’d love to do to her in my office floated through my head, but I shoved them away. I still had no idea what I was doing here. Only that I was sitting next to a woman I really wanted to sit next to. After that, it was a mess.
    “Okay. Take the next left.”
    In what felt like seconds we were at my office, across the parking lot, through the secured doors and in the hallway, bumping into each other more often than not and me desperately trying not to notice, again, the lack of bra.
    She leaned against the wall as I unlocked my door. “Bet you have a messy office.”
    “You guess correctly.” I held open the door for her and she ducked under my arm to get through, her side brushing against me on her way, further tightening the anticipation.
    Ashley paused in the center of the small, white brick room. Every horizontal space held books and stacks of files. “It’s not as big as I expected.”
    “No large couches and open spaces for people to spill their guts,” I agreed.
    Her smile was wide as she turned to me. “So, mostly you do group stuff then?”
    I was strung up too tight in nerves to guess if she cared or was just making conversation. “Mostly. Yes.”
    Her deep eyes were on me, and a hint of a smile played at the edges of her mouth. “Is this the part of the night where you tell me you had a good time even though you were stuck in tuxedo shoes and dress pants all night?”
    “It was fun, Ash. Really.”
    She blinked and I swear her eyes changed a little each time. She took one step closer, and I knew it in that moment I could kiss her. That she’d be okay with it. That she’d probably kiss me back.
    I couldn’t breathe. My tongue swelled up and I shoved my hands in my pockets. I was panicking like an idiot.
    Two kids. Ages. She was still a student. I’d only barely convinced myself that I could be a dad, and now what… I was going to rob another woman of her youth with my kids? Jessica had been unsure of keeping the baby both times we got pregnant, but we had. I thought I could carry her, and them and me. And I couldn’t. Ashley would be stepping in and just… I wasn’t sure what.
    “We should go.” I stepped back out of the office, staring at the carpet because I couldn’t take any amount of surprise, disappointment or relief that might be in her eyes.
    Too many things spun around in my head as we silently walked through the dark hall together.  No teasing bumps or accidental brushes this time. My brother would want a full report and what would I say? We all found a friend? My mistake?
    Actually. Probably yes. But the moment that thought went through my head, selfish as it was, I was desperate for more.
    Ashley leaned against her car and stared at me with her huge, dark eyes.
    “Weren’t you going to kiss me goodnight?” She put enough tease in her voice to keep herself safe, which I could totally understand.
    And I wanted to. Glanced at her lips. Thought about running my hand around her waist. About how her body would feel next to mine.
    “I’m totally flattered, but—”
    The way she cringed and then tried not to show it twisted my gut. She held her hand up between us, her face going flat. “Please. Just… I don’t know. Let me walk away with some dignity,