okay? I won’t bring it up again if you won’t.”
“No.” This wasn’t what I wanted at all. “Gah.” I ran a hand through my hair like it would somehow help me think of the perfect thing to say and walked closer to her. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I mean…look at you. And I love running with you and talking and…”
She looked hurt, rejected, everything I didn’t want her to feel. And the sadness I'd seen in her eyes seemed magnified.
“Trust me, Ashley.” I moved toward her until my arms rested against the car on either side of her. Not the best position for keeping my distance, but I loved being so close. “I’ve thought about kissing you a million times since you moved in. And even more once I got to know you. I don’t get what you see in me.”
Our breathing echoed between us, and she leaned in first, letting her eyes fall closed. I leaned in and brushed my lips across hers once, then again. Her hands found their way around my neck, and she pulled us together further.
Everything about her felt perfect. Her small lips, her strong arms. Her warmth.
Maybe I was being stupid. Ridiculous. Over thinking.
I slid my hands around the waist I’d stared at too many times, and brought her closer, deepening our kiss. There was no rush. We had nowhere to be, and as our tongues slid together and the saltiness of her lips touches mine, and her body arched toward me. I couldn’t imagine letting her go.
“I feel safe,” she breathed. “With you.”
Her words crashed into me and I slid my hands to her face, cupping her small cheeks. I knew enough of her past to take her words as the compliment they were. How did a kiss feel like so much more? We hovered for a moment, both waiting for the other to make the first move until our lips met again. We kissed even slower this time. Like we were feeling each other. Tasting each other. Enjoying the moment in the quiet dark of the empty parking lot.
Ashley leaned back slightly, and I let her go, still watching her, still locked into the moment. I wanted this to be just Ashley and me, but starting something with her was about so much more.
I rubbed my face with both hands and took another deep breath in. “We need to talk.”
She shook her head with this knowing look in her eye as if she knew what I was going to say. “I just—”
Now that I knew there was definitely something here, we had to have the conversation I didn’t want to. The one where I’d have to lay out my situation and my fear of getting involved with anyone. “I’m not just me. I’m me and two other people. I have to talk.”
“Fair enough.”
I took her hand and we both leaned against the edge of the hood of my car. Her hand was so small, but so strong, and I ran my thumb across her palm over and over. The soft skin I’d been wanting to touch since we met. Ashley’s face looked more vulnerable than I ever remembered seeing it, and I wanted to wipe that vulnerability away. Wanted to see her strength like I did when we ran or when she talked to Ree and Trevor.
“You’re worried about your kids,” she guessed.
“Yes. Of course. It’s more than that, though. It’s me not being able to help but wonder if you know what you’re in for with me. What you’ll miss out on by being with someone older.” If you’ll end up feeling the same frustration Jessica had .
“We’re not talking marriage, Brandt.” She actually scooted away, and I was equal parts relieved and terrified of what it might mean.
“I know…” How to explain without sounding like an ass. “I can’t do the casual dating thing, and at your age, that’s what you should be doing.”
“What were you doing at my age?” She bumped her shoulder to mine with a soft smile. Some of her strength was coming back, and I was relieved. Mostly because her seeming strong would make me feel like less of a jerk with the horribly awkward position I was putting her in.
“Wrestling with a four and five year old and
“No.” This wasn’t what I wanted at all. “Gah.” I ran a hand through my hair like it would somehow help me think of the perfect thing to say and walked closer to her. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I mean…look at you. And I love running with you and talking and…”
She looked hurt, rejected, everything I didn’t want her to feel. And the sadness I'd seen in her eyes seemed magnified.
“Trust me, Ashley.” I moved toward her until my arms rested against the car on either side of her. Not the best position for keeping my distance, but I loved being so close. “I’ve thought about kissing you a million times since you moved in. And even more once I got to know you. I don’t get what you see in me.”
Our breathing echoed between us, and she leaned in first, letting her eyes fall closed. I leaned in and brushed my lips across hers once, then again. Her hands found their way around my neck, and she pulled us together further.
Everything about her felt perfect. Her small lips, her strong arms. Her warmth.
Maybe I was being stupid. Ridiculous. Over thinking.
I slid my hands around the waist I’d stared at too many times, and brought her closer, deepening our kiss. There was no rush. We had nowhere to be, and as our tongues slid together and the saltiness of her lips touches mine, and her body arched toward me. I couldn’t imagine letting her go.
“I feel safe,” she breathed. “With you.”
Her words crashed into me and I slid my hands to her face, cupping her small cheeks. I knew enough of her past to take her words as the compliment they were. How did a kiss feel like so much more? We hovered for a moment, both waiting for the other to make the first move until our lips met again. We kissed even slower this time. Like we were feeling each other. Tasting each other. Enjoying the moment in the quiet dark of the empty parking lot.
Ashley leaned back slightly, and I let her go, still watching her, still locked into the moment. I wanted this to be just Ashley and me, but starting something with her was about so much more.
I rubbed my face with both hands and took another deep breath in. “We need to talk.”
She shook her head with this knowing look in her eye as if she knew what I was going to say. “I just—”
Now that I knew there was definitely something here, we had to have the conversation I didn’t want to. The one where I’d have to lay out my situation and my fear of getting involved with anyone. “I’m not just me. I’m me and two other people. I have to talk.”
“Fair enough.”
I took her hand and we both leaned against the edge of the hood of my car. Her hand was so small, but so strong, and I ran my thumb across her palm over and over. The soft skin I’d been wanting to touch since we met. Ashley’s face looked more vulnerable than I ever remembered seeing it, and I wanted to wipe that vulnerability away. Wanted to see her strength like I did when we ran or when she talked to Ree and Trevor.
“You’re worried about your kids,” she guessed.
“Yes. Of course. It’s more than that, though. It’s me not being able to help but wonder if you know what you’re in for with me. What you’ll miss out on by being with someone older.” If you’ll end up feeling the same frustration Jessica had .
“We’re not talking marriage, Brandt.” She actually scooted away, and I was equal parts relieved and terrified of what it might mean.
“I know…” How to explain without sounding like an ass. “I can’t do the casual dating thing, and at your age, that’s what you should be doing.”
“What were you doing at my age?” She bumped her shoulder to mine with a soft smile. Some of her strength was coming back, and I was relieved. Mostly because her seeming strong would make me feel like less of a jerk with the horribly awkward position I was putting her in.
“Wrestling with a four and five year old and
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