Accidentally Married To...A Vampire? by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Niccolo. You’re asking me to give up my life to be with you.”
    “ Sì , and I value your life more than I value fairness. You will marry me. We will be together. I will not discuss this again.” His dark eyes turned into bottomless, black pits. “ Capisce ?” he growled.
    Barbarian. Or, is he a medieval bastard? Dammit why didn't I pay closer attention to time periods in history class?
    Helena sighed. Didn't matter what she called him, he wasn't changing his mind. Not now. Not in the seven days left before their wedding. She would have to follow him blindly into the darkness of his world or leave him. Plain and simple.
    So what would it be? She knew what her body said: Stay.
    She knew what her mind said: Leave.
    But what did her heart say?
    When it came down to it, she really knew nothing about Niccolo. Certainly not much more than the night she’d met him in Mexico. This was not how she wanted to start a marriage, one that would last for an eternity.
    “Do you love me?” she asked.
    “Love?” he growled. “Vampires do not do love.”
    “Excuse me?”
    He looked at her, his eyes as black abandoned coalmines. “What does love have to do with it? We are mates. Our bond is eternal.”
    What does love have to do with it? After everything she’d given up, that was his answer? “Love has everything to do with it, Tina! Everything!” She stomped her foot. “We’re over! You arrogant vampire, I’m not marrying you. Capisce ?”
    “Why the hell are you calling me ‘Tina’?! And I thought you wanted to be with me,” he said bitterly, but clearly didn’t give any credence to her words.
    “Not anymore! Who the hell wants a life with someone who doesn’t ‘do love.’ That’s…that’s…just sad!”
    In a heartbeat he grabbed Helena and held her up under her arms, staring angrily into her eyes. “I know you do not mean it, Helena. Because you love me. And for you, that’s everything.”
    Oh, that does it. Maybe she was human. And a bit smaller. Okay, a lot smaller, but she wasn’t afraid of him and wouldn’t stand for being bullied. Physically or emotionally. “Unless you plan on killing me, you’d better put me down, Vampire! Because I’m not marrying you. In fact, I’m going home! Back to my old life. I don't want what's behind door number three. I don't want your old stinky donkey! I want my beaches, sunshine, lots of real Italian food”— God, how I miss eating garlic! —“I want to start my career and see my mom and friends whenever I want, and…”
    She wanted to say something to hurt him, to pierce that undead heart of his and pay him back for not loving her, not trusting her, and treating her like a child. “And men who aren’t so bad in bed they avoid sex like the bubonic plague.” Jeez, that was so stupid . There was no other man on earth who was probably more skilled than Niccolo. She didn’t have to sleep with him to figure that one out.
    She watched as fury engulfed his face. Still holding her in the air, his voice thundered, “Your old life is over, woman! There is no more mother or friends or sunshine for you! You live in my world now, and if you ever threaten to be with another male, I will chain you to my bed.”
    “Put me down! You outdated, archaic, crusty old Italian vampire! And…who the hell doesn’t know about Tina Turner?” Helena screamed.
    Niccolo cursed at the ceiling, “Why me? I should have listened to Cimil. She warned that a human bride would only cause me trouble.” He slowly lowered Helena to the floor and glared down at her. “ Maledizione! A fucking curse! That’s what she said. But I didn’t care! I wanted this anyway. But she was right, Cristo sacro ! It is a curse to be bound to—to food!”
    Helena gasped. “Food? Did you just call me ‘food’?” Helena felt her face turn red hot.
    “What the hell do you think vampires eat? Cookies?” he screamed so loud the windows rattled. “And get used to it, because you’ll be calling humans