he'd frown upon?” I sat up and dusted tiny bits of gravel from my knees and palms. Wiley's proclivity towards upholding the law was somewhat diametrically opposed to Dmitri's liking of breaking the lesser of said laws. “Nope. Let's keep it that way.” “He still dating the school marm? Is she gonna be here to throw a wet blanket on the festivities again?” Wiley's woman wasn't the most sociable creature this side of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. She came to last year's Christmas party and condemned everyone for the sinful enjoyment of a gift exchange, alcohol and the sexes mingling together. She's entitled to her beliefs, but telling Jet she was doomed to roast on Beelzebub's pitchfork was a touch too much. Jet ended up saying something pithy to the school marm resulting in a brief exchange of conversation. The marm turned beet red and stalked out of the party to sit in Wiley's truck. After five minutes of waiting, she pounded the horn every thirty seconds until Wiley bid his goodbyes to everyone and left. He hadn't socialized en mass with us since. “No... they split a few months ago. She's in Colusa with her fling. The shitty part is that Wiley planned on proposing to her on Valentine’s Day. He had already ordered her ring when she fucked around behind his back. He's still pissed about it all.” “Aww, that sucks. Wiley's gonna have to have fun. He's such a sober guy... he needs to cut loose. What type of booze does he like? Willow already volunteered to be designated driver if she can use the Jeep.” “Would she drive all the way out to Stonyford with an officer of the law in the same vehicle?” “As long as she wasn't in handcuffs and backseat of said vehicle, I'm sure she wouldn't mind. She'd get her giggles up in the hills anyhow. He'd point out the wildlife, she'd yack about why she can't trust men and it'd be a rewarding experience for them both. They'd bond as only a life-long stoner and a man sworn to uphold federal and state law could. Maybe even swap grow tips.” “She's not going to be rocking the ganj at the party, is she?” “Oh God no, she promised to be completely sober for the Fourth of July. Willow will have her own little after-party when everything is wrapped up. And it's the condition she must fulfill if she wants to use my wheels. She knows how I feel about her doing that stuff around me... had enough of it when I was a troll.” “It's called 'child', Kaylis. It’s not a bad word.” “Whatever. Spawn, offspring... take your pick. I like 'trollbait' myself.” I smiled and stood up and made my way to the bench beneath the largest mulberry tree. Willow once told me I was too Irish for NorCal summers. I'm inclined to agree. Tanning is not something I can accomplish. I burn lobster-red within fifteen minutes of exposure to summer sun if I don't wear at least an SPF 45 sunblock. Although I was slathered with the stuff, I preferred to avoid the sun when possible, especially in early afternoon. “You're twisted. Seriously twisted, Kaylis. I gotta be twisted too, otherwise why the hell do I get off on you being demented like that?” “It's because you're a goth at heart, hun. I accepted it long ago. Give it a try. Embrace your inner goth, Dmitri. Its not just for seventeen year olds anymore. Jet pulls off the corporate goth librarian look really well. Ooh! Did I tell you she got switched from Reference to the Children's section?” Dmitri howled with laughter. “You are fucking with me....right?” “Oh no. No joke... she's picked up a Willow-like habit for after work... it does enhance her calm because of how she bottles her rampant use of 'fuck' and it's variations now. She used to mutter them under her breath, but now I'm just amazed her head hasn't exploded yet.” “She's banned from walking around with liquor if wearing a tiny bikini with the shot glass tucked between her tits. I realize she was trying to help people get sociable, but never again. She's to leave