it. Perhaps in ten years we may feel differently, but then such is a thing in all relationships. Some time down the road one or both partners may feel differently about each other. We will deal with it when the time comes.”
“But you’re investing in a relationship you know has an ending. Don’t do this to yourself.” Sasha half argued, half pleaded. Pyotr had a big heart he’d kept their entire family together at the cost of not having one of his own. Now that everyone was grown up his brother deserved a lover above them all, but one that he could take as his forever. Sasha just couldn’t bear watching his older brother get caught up in the revolving door of lovers.
“If I have ten years of happiness or maybe only one, it will be worth having, because everything else is right. Do you not say the same about your Isaiah?”
Sasha took a deep breath almost daring to bow up at his brother, but quickly relented back against the wall again, only allowing his breath to escape in a hard sigh. He was so protective of his boys it was hard not to react to Pyotr’s comment, but he knew better. He knew Pyotr had not said it to be threatening or derogatory. Only pointing out that some relationships came with conditions and as worrisome as those conditions may be their outcomes weren’t always predetermined either.
Pyotr was so much like their father in many ways but one—Pyotr was also just like their mother. He was the best of both all rolled into one body. He was strong willed and strong in his body. He was the one who always brought an end to the fights between him and the rest of their brothers and there had been plenty of those. He was even known to bring down a few street thugs in his time, dragging them down the middle of the street by their toes and sit on them in the most humiliating ways until they agreed to stop wrecking havoc on the neighborhood. Most of that was set loose on the Irish in the neighborhood. But Pyotr knew how to be gentle like their mother and when you hurt he knew how to make it better as if he had the box of band-aids for broken hearts. They’re sisters gave him a lot of practice for that.
Eight brothers and two sisters aside, Pyotr had never had his own family and Sasha could see how Cliff and Kimmi filled that need for him. Perhaps too well, because that was a part that was definitely predetermined.
“You know no matter what treatments Kimmi gets, she’s not going to live much longer.” And the flicker in his brother’s eyes told him everything. He was already locked into his little family— just add Pyotr and stir —and Pyotr was very aware it came with an expiration date.
Sasha felt an instant pain of guilt then. Pyotr deserved the world at his feet; that he should find something that fits his needs only to have it ripped away too soon. He didn’t want that to happen for his brother, who deserved so much more. He swallowed hard wishing he’d learn to keep his mouth shut.
Sasha dropped his head, his shoulders went with it. He stared at the ground and kicked at the rock on the side walk as if that might make him feel better. It didn’t when Pyotr walked away without another word.
“Fuck.” He muttered, hanging back in silence for a bit. Sasha pushed off the wall, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his uniform slacks. Only one thing he could do now.
Sasha found Cliff back in the ambulance truck putting the last few things in place. He stopped at the step just watching him. Cliff kept his back to him, but the tension in his shoulders indicated Cliff was aware he was there.
“I’m really not ready for a conversation on how this changes everything between us.” Cliff muttered not looking at him, his hand counting out the inventory and marking it down on the clip board on the gurney dressed in crisp clean sheets with a wool blanket folded over on the top and ready for the next person in need.
Sasha kept his hands buried and took in a deep breath and let it out trying to
“But you’re investing in a relationship you know has an ending. Don’t do this to yourself.” Sasha half argued, half pleaded. Pyotr had a big heart he’d kept their entire family together at the cost of not having one of his own. Now that everyone was grown up his brother deserved a lover above them all, but one that he could take as his forever. Sasha just couldn’t bear watching his older brother get caught up in the revolving door of lovers.
“If I have ten years of happiness or maybe only one, it will be worth having, because everything else is right. Do you not say the same about your Isaiah?”
Sasha took a deep breath almost daring to bow up at his brother, but quickly relented back against the wall again, only allowing his breath to escape in a hard sigh. He was so protective of his boys it was hard not to react to Pyotr’s comment, but he knew better. He knew Pyotr had not said it to be threatening or derogatory. Only pointing out that some relationships came with conditions and as worrisome as those conditions may be their outcomes weren’t always predetermined either.
Pyotr was so much like their father in many ways but one—Pyotr was also just like their mother. He was the best of both all rolled into one body. He was strong willed and strong in his body. He was the one who always brought an end to the fights between him and the rest of their brothers and there had been plenty of those. He was even known to bring down a few street thugs in his time, dragging them down the middle of the street by their toes and sit on them in the most humiliating ways until they agreed to stop wrecking havoc on the neighborhood. Most of that was set loose on the Irish in the neighborhood. But Pyotr knew how to be gentle like their mother and when you hurt he knew how to make it better as if he had the box of band-aids for broken hearts. They’re sisters gave him a lot of practice for that.
Eight brothers and two sisters aside, Pyotr had never had his own family and Sasha could see how Cliff and Kimmi filled that need for him. Perhaps too well, because that was a part that was definitely predetermined.
“You know no matter what treatments Kimmi gets, she’s not going to live much longer.” And the flicker in his brother’s eyes told him everything. He was already locked into his little family— just add Pyotr and stir —and Pyotr was very aware it came with an expiration date.
Sasha felt an instant pain of guilt then. Pyotr deserved the world at his feet; that he should find something that fits his needs only to have it ripped away too soon. He didn’t want that to happen for his brother, who deserved so much more. He swallowed hard wishing he’d learn to keep his mouth shut.
Sasha dropped his head, his shoulders went with it. He stared at the ground and kicked at the rock on the side walk as if that might make him feel better. It didn’t when Pyotr walked away without another word.
“Fuck.” He muttered, hanging back in silence for a bit. Sasha pushed off the wall, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his uniform slacks. Only one thing he could do now.
Sasha found Cliff back in the ambulance truck putting the last few things in place. He stopped at the step just watching him. Cliff kept his back to him, but the tension in his shoulders indicated Cliff was aware he was there.
“I’m really not ready for a conversation on how this changes everything between us.” Cliff muttered not looking at him, his hand counting out the inventory and marking it down on the clip board on the gurney dressed in crisp clean sheets with a wool blanket folded over on the top and ready for the next person in need.
Sasha kept his hands buried and took in a deep breath and let it out trying to
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